Editor’s Note: We take a break from hard news every Saturday morning to let Hermina Hermelinda Obregon, a.k.a. Miss Mingo, share her insights with readers. She’s a recovering newspaper reporter living in a bungalow off Duval Street in Key West. At least that’s what her official biography says, if you can believe that. She answers the pressing questions of the day about life, the news, and the best happy hour prices.

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DEAR MISS MINGO:

You appear to be the Miss Manners expert on how to approach our MAGA legislators. Please advise me regarding if I should abandon trying to shame mine into any sense of decency. It appears all those serious Republicans with an intact conscience have already left the building.

While my local U.S. Representative appears “decent” (well, we are the district that spawned Randy Fine), he is utterly spineless as evidenced by his refusal to give any sort of pushback against the current administration’s massive grifting and corruption. The last straw was the former history professor’s letter to constituents, along with some twisted historical justification, in full support of Trump’s taxpayer-funded billion-dollar ballroom.

Should I just stop banging my head against the seawall?

Miffed in Merritt Island

Dear Miffed:

You are not alone. I, myself, have tried various strategies to get through the thick skulls of several Republicans I know. When reason failed, I turned to less traditional methods.

First, I tried wearing strings of garlic around my neck and advancing upon them with outstretched silver crosses. No joy. In fact, one of them snatched it out of my hands and now refuses to return it. This has cost me a friendship since, not being particularly religious myself, I had borrowed it.

It occurred to me that there had to be more than stubbornness at play here, so I wondered about demon possession. I consulted a Wiccan friend of mine to see if she could perform an exorcism but, it turns out, she doesn’t believe in devils or such. My next step is to consult a priest. I will report back.

You can’t fix stupid. And you can’t cause someone to grow a conscience. People who have decided to put their own selfish interests above their oaths of office are the very definition of what it means to be dishonorable.

If exorcisms fail, the only thing left is to vote them out.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

What’s up with Congress? Shouldn’t they be called back if they are not in session to vote on this war out in the Middle East?

Mary Anne

Dear Mary Anne:

Events in the news move swiftly these days, and while this is my first chance to reply to your letter, Congress has, indeed, reconvened, but your concern remains because they have yet to do anything to rein in Trump’s reign of terror.

Worse, House Republicans are pushing a bill to give Trump $73 billion to re-stockpile his depleted weapons supply to continue his war. But that could face a rocky road in the Senate, especially as the midterm election nears and voting to extend war funding could backfire on Republicans fighting to save their phony-baloney jobs.

Stay tuned.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

Are your attorneys allowing you to reveal your part in the Flamingo Revolution, the largest protests in Albania for decades? Jared Kushner‘s company paid $110 million for land that Miami “businessman” claims was owned by his family since the days of the Ottoman Empire. Albanian protesters are demanding the resignation of Prime Minister Edi Rama due to concerns about the environment and about corruption.

So, Miss Mingo, can you disclose your part in organizing this Flamingo Revolution? And how much of the $110 million have you received for your role in brokering the deal?

Greg in Austria

Dear Greg:

Bob Brecha, whose correspondence from Europe frequently graces Tropic Press reports, has written extensively about this issue, and I would direct you to his latest post, which you can find on our website.

As he notes:

Albanians have been more bold than US citizens in taking to the streets in an uprising up against politicians involved in questionable real estate deals. It seems that Albanians are upset that a sensitive nature reserve (flamingoes and other creatures) is being eyed as the next private luxury development by the Trump/Kushner Clan. Although the project proposal has been around for a couple of years, matters rose to a head after Ivanka Trump told a podcaster that, “We were on a friend’s boat, and we stopped for a swim, effectively, that’s how we found it. We swam to the islands, we went on a hike barefoot all the way up to the top, and we were just captivated,”(CNN) How Christopher Columbus of them.

To your question, I have no direct involvement in this matter. I did not broker the deal. I did not lead the protest following the deal. That’s the sort of thing arms dealers do, right? Stir up conflict then sell guns to both sides? Good business model, I suppose, but that’s not me. But I do love the idea of a “Flamingo Revolution.”

Maybe we can get one started here in Florida. I would be happy to carry the banner for that.

Got a question for Miss Mingo? About life, the news, or multi-dimensional realities? Write to her at MissMingo@Tropic.Press

ASK MISS MINGO

Want to know more about Miss Mingo? How she got her start? And whether she really lives with two cats—Deadline and Dateline—and a pet iguana named Skippy? You can find her official biography, such as it is, here. If you’re bar hopping on Duval Street in Key West and spot an intriguing woman in a pink hat that you suspect might be Miss Mingo, you can always offer to buy her a Cuba Libre. Will it actually be her? Is there an actual her? Life’s a mystery.

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The official Tropic Press Store is now open and ready for business. You can order your very own Miss Mingo merch online. All sales are final. Check out the store here:

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Editor’s Note: We take a break from hard news every Saturday morning to let Hermina Hermelinda Obregon, a.k.a. Miss Mingo, share her insights with readers. She’s a recovering newspaper reporter living in a bungalow off Duval Street in Key West. At least that’s what her official biography says, if you can believe that. She answers the pressing questions of the day about life, the news, and the best happy hour prices.

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DEAR MISS MINGO:

I need a ruling on decorum because I’ve run out of dignified options.

This state is about to elect a governor whose main qualifications are a Trump post, a war chest north of $80 million, and a primary lead so wide his opponents are now suing each other over who actually lives in Florida. I did the polite things. I wrote strongly worded posts. I refreshed the polls hoping they’d apologize. I sighed. None of it took.

So, I have questions about what a lady may and may not do.

Is it acceptable to rename my home Wi-Fi network “Byron Donalds Is a Moron”? It’s concise, it’s my honest assessment, and it helps educate the children around me. Or is broadcasting one’s politics to the neighborhood considered gauche?

Related: My dogs have a “dump zone” at the local MAGA neighbor’s lawn. I have not encouraged this. I have also not stopped it. Where does etiquette land on beagles expressing themselves on a campaign sign?

And the real question — is there any graceful posture left between “resigned” and “relocating somewhere with fewer alligators and better outcomes”? Or do I just sigh at dinner and accept my fate?

Despairing in Palm Harbor

Dear Despairing:

So many important questions. Let me tackle them one-by-one.

As for how you name your Wi-Fi network, the First Amendment gives you broad latitude for self-expression, and generally—and especially when dealing with public figures—you can name your network what you please so long as you are not slipping into defamation.

For instance, calling a politician a “moron” is fair game, if redundant. People running for office put themselves out there for evaluation, and if you think the congressperson from Southwest Florida is an idiot, you are free to say so.

Saying the same thing about a private person, however, could be a cause for legal difficulties, especially if it were untrue. Also, saying something untruthful and damaging even about a public figure could also get you in trouble.

Calling a politician a “moron,” though, is clearly in bounds. Calling a politician—just to make something up—”a lying, cheating, bankrupting, hateful, sexual abuser and felon” might be too much unless you’re talking about the president.

I must say, using your Wi-Fi network’s name to broadcast a political message is the cleverest bit of marketing I’ve heard of in a long time. Well played.

As for your dogs’ bathroom habits. Generally speaking, when puppies poo, it is good manners (and, in some localities, a health-code requirement) to pick up after them. As for tinkling on campaign signs, however, that’s perfectly fine, and that’s what your neighbor gets for littering his lawn.

Finally, do not resign yourself to the status quo. Today’s reality is tomorrow’s ancient history. Make a difference. Change history. Vote. Talk to your neighbors, no matter how ignorant. Never give in.

Besides, wouldn’t it be dull living someplace where when you walk out your front door you never know if you’ll be attacked by a gator or python or Florida Man?

DEAR MISS MINGO:

Will Turner tells me—and it’s in your official biography on the Tropic Press website, too—that you are actually the creation of an author’s imagination. How does that work? And how do any of us know if we are real or just imaginary?

Capt. J. Sparrow

Dear Captain:

I just love existential questions.

We are all as real as we think we are. We think, therefore we are. Well, at least that used to be the standard. Now with AI, I’m unsettled about all that.

As for your own reality, yes, you are real. Because we need you to be real. We need heroes even if some people think they are scoundrels. We each need our own Black Pearl, maybe not an actual ship, but a place where we can feel free and boundless. Yes, Captain, you are necessarily real. You and Sherlock and Frodo and Katniss and Leia and Robin—all heroes I need to be part of my life. So you are, too.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

Didn’t the author Robert Heinlein write about that question you just answered?

Neil in New York

Dear Neil:

Yes. As most people know, Heinlein, with the help of a group of brilliant scientists, invented a convertible that could travel through space, time and parallel dimensions, as recounted in his scientific journal The Number of the Beast.

In so doing, Heinlein and his friends discovered that some universes were actually created as the result of the collective imaginations of writers, and in those worlds, the characters become real. Who is to say that’s not the universe we live in?

DEAR MISS MINGO:

Me. And have you been drinking again?

The Real Neil deGrasse Tyson

Dear Real Neil:

Um. Maybe.

Got a question for Miss Mingo? About life, the news, or multi-dimensional realities? Write to her at MissMingo@Tropic.Press

ASK MISS MINGO

Want to know more about Miss Mingo? How she got her start? And whether she really lives with two cats—Deadline and Dateline—and a pet iguana named Skippy? You can find her official biography, such as it is, here. If you’re bar hopping on Duval Street in Key West and spot an intriguing woman in a pink hat that you suspect might be Miss Mingo, you can always offer to buy her a Cuba Libre. Will it actually be her? Is there an actual her? Life’s a mystery.

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And now, some shameless advertising…

The official Tropic Press Store is now open and ready for business. You can order your very own Miss Mingo merch online. All sales are final. Check out the store here:

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And when your shirt arrives, take a selfie and email it to Miss Mingo to be included in her column.

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Editor’s Note: We take a break from hard news every Saturday morning to let Hermina Hermelinda Obregon, a.k.a. Miss Mingo, share her insights with readers. She’s a recovering newspaper reporter living in a bungalow off Duval Street in Key West. At least that’s what her official biography says, if you can believe that. She answers the pressing questions of the day about life, the news, and the best happy hour prices.

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DEAR MISS MINGO:

In celebrating the 250th birthday of the United States of America, the Trump Store, as well as merchandise booths at the Great American State Fair, are offering some patriotic items whose availability seems to have flown under the radar. Notable products include:

• Organic algae supplements harvested from the Lincoln Memorial Reflecting Pool by highly trained ICE operatives specializing in purification from foreign bodies. This algae, under the brand name Trump Scum 250^©, provides protein, vitamins, and minerals that improve one’s sense of health and well-being. This product is approved by the United States Department of Health and Human Services. Accept no substitute for genuine Trump Scum 250^©!

• Trump Scum 250+^© with beta carotene added. These supplements enhance the Trump Scum 250^© experience by promoting a subtle orange glow of your skin. Now you can not only feel good but look great too!

• Trump Scum 250^© Starter Kit. This kit provides all you need to grow genuine Trump Scum 250^© at home. Included is an American Flag Blue platter, 2026 grams of reflecting pool water, and 250 grams of genuine Trump Scum 250^©. Place ingredients in the sun and watch the Trump Scum 250^© grow! Scum may be harvested and added, for example, to pools, bathwater, adult beverages, or salads, ensuring that Trump Scum 250^© enhances every part of your life!

• 45”x47” pool tile. This American Flag Blue tile adheres to the bottom of any swimming pool. Within a week to ten days, it will begin to peel off. Invite liberal neighbors over for a pool party, and then accuse them of vandalizing your pool by peeling off the tile. Have them arrested! Great way to assert your patriotism.

Perhaps you would be interested in publicizing these outstanding products before inventory is depleted. Maybe the Tropic Press Store would relish the opportunity to agree to market these items as well? No need to thank me for the tip!

May you have a most joyful celebration of our nation!

William

Dear William:

I shared your missive with my editors and they were ecstatic about the possibility of adding this exciting new product line to the Tropic Press Store. There’s a link at the bottom of this column. Thanks.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

Is it just me, or does it seem like Trump’s Great American State Fair and Freedom 250 celebrations, or whatever they’re called, have been a big dud? As a certified “old fart” I clearly remember all the hoopla and celebration of the bicentennial in 1976 and what a big deal it was. Could it be that Americans just aren’t in the mood to celebrate and exalt the Dear Leader in light of his attempts to trample the Constitution and destroy our democracy?

I’ve noticed a distinct lack of patriotic (or more properly, nationalistic) display in the form of flags, bunting, etc. as compared to previous years. As a matter of fact, one house in my neighborhood that never misses an opportunity to celebrate a holiday with a prodigious display of blow-up yard art has declined to erect their usual array of blow-up Uncle Sams, eagles, flags, and fireworks. And I haven’t heard a word about the customary 4th of July children’s parade our H.O.A. sponsors every year. Could this be a form of silent protest? Or could it be that we just don’t seem to have anything to celebrate this year? Or maybe it’s merely the fact that I live near Gainesville in that tiny patch of Blue in the Free State of Florida dominated by Trump-hating, commie-pinkos.

Well, whatever, I will (not) be celebrating the 4th of July this year in Copenhagen, Denmark - you know, that socialist country that happens to be the happiest country in the world - with a picnic with friends and family, trying to maintain a low profile so as not to call attention to my nationality. In 1976 I could never have conceived of this, but alas here we are.

Doug Phillips
Newberry, Florida

Dear Doug:

The 250th anniversary of the signing of the Declaration of Independence is a monumental milestone in the history of our country, and should be a cause for great celebration.

And it would have been, too, were it not for the fact that our president, rather than cheerleading a national commemoration of our country, chose instead to make it all about himself.

Look at me!

Look at me!

Look at me!

And Democrats have now released an investigative report suggesting that the Trump administration may have engaged in wire fraud by allegedly diverting funds away from the congressionally authorized America250 celebration to Trump’s Freedom 250, the total flop of a party that everyone seems to be avoiding, including the vast majority of entertainers who originally signed on.

It’s shameful, and any normal, emotionally healthy person would be embarrassed. But we’re talking about Trump.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

Since Florida is a red state, I’m sure our voter records were turned over to the feds. I’m thinking about changing from mail-in voting to walk-in voting, as I don’t trust Florida or the feds. I know I sound paranoid, but who isn’t these days?

Nervous somewhere in Florida

Dear Nervous:

There’s actually an easy middle ground to resolve your concerns. Here’s what I do: I get my mail-in ballot, fill it out well in advance of election day, then drive it over to the local Supervisor of Elections Office and hand it in so I don’t have to worry about Trump’s Postal Service screwing around with the election.

Depending on where you live, there may also be secure drop-off boxes.

And if either of those is inconvenient, you can always have someone you trust drop them off for you, but be advised that under Florida law, a person can only drop off ballots for others if they are an immediate family member or up to two other people.

That last bit is alternatively known as a voter integrity initiative or a voter suppression scheme depending on who you talk to.

As for being anxious about all this, you know the saying: Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean they aren’t out to get you.

Got a question for Miss Mingo? About life, the news, or clever ways to avoid paying bar tabs? Write to her at MissMingo@Tropic.Press

ASK MISS MINGO

Want to know more about Miss Mingo? How she got her start? And whether she really lives with two cats—Deadline and Dateline—and a pet iguana named Skippy? You can find her official biography, such as it is, here. If you’re bar hopping on Duval Street in Key West and spot an intriguing woman in a pink hat that you suspect might be Miss Mingo, you can always offer to buy her a Cuba Libre. Will it actually be her? Is there an actual her? Life’s a mystery.

Meet Miss Mingo

Leave a comment

And now, some shameless advertising…

The official Tropic Press Store is now open and ready for business. You can order your very own Miss Mingo merch online. All sales are final. Check out the store here:

Tropic Press Merch

And when your shirt arrives, take a selfie and email it to Miss Mingo to be included in her column.

New to the Tropic Press Store: A July 4th Special —Trump Scum 250

Trump Scum 250 is in very limited supply. Get yours now while supplies last:

Trump Scum 250

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Editor’s Note: We take a break from hard news every Saturday morning to let Hermina Hermelinda Obregon, a.k.a. Miss Mingo, share her unmatched insights with readers. What’s her story? She’s a recovering newspaper reporter living in a bungalow off Duval Street in Key West, if you believe her official biography. You got questions? She’s got answers. Some may even be accurate.

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DEAR MISS MINGO:

The Reflecting Pool on the National Mall is now painted Flag Blue! $14.5 million is the cost so far. Could the president have consulted the scientific community about the color before beginning the renovation? Most fifth graders understand the concept that darker colors absorb and hold more heat than light colors. Thus, the rampant growth of green algae and now the paint losing its adhesiveness causing bubbling and peeling. So, the answer to the question once again proves that Trump is dumber than a fifth grader. Happy 250th birthday, America. Are we great yet?

David in Pace

Dear David:

On behalf of all current and former fifth graders, including myself, I think we should clear up the record regarding their intelligence.

I asked the never-wrong internet this question: “At what grade do children learn dark colors hold heat?” The answer:

“Between kindergarten and third grade.”

So, for the record, Trump is actually dumber than, at most, a third grader.”

But this assessment disregards all the roaming bands of vandals assaulting our nation’s capital, knives out, slicing the pool liner with abandon.

I mean, this is Trump. It’s never his fault. So now we are supposed to blame these invisible pool marauders who have apparently sprung up out of nowhere, since only a couple of weeks ago, Trump was crowing about how safe he’s made Washington, D.C.

As for why the president didn’t consult actual scientists in advance, what would he need to do that for? He is, after all, a stable genius. right?

Besides, who says dark colors hold heat? A bunch of unionized commie teachers? FAKE NEWS!

DEAR MISS MINGO:

Yeah, but I’ve seen swimming pools with neat-looking dark colors. How come they aren’t overgrown with algae?

Pool owner in Plantation

Dear Pool:

Of course. It’s called chlorine and filtration. Swimming pools are constantly filtered and treated with chemicals. If they were left stagnant like the Reflecting Pool, they’d be overgrown, too.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

Do you think guys would ask me inviting questions—like ”Can I buy you a drink?”— if I wore one of your lovely shirts to a bar?

Nervy Octogenarian

Dear Nervy:

You go, girl!

You are, of course, referring to one of these gorgeous tee shirts that the editors of Tropic Press shamelessly hawk at the bottom of each of these columns (and which have caused unending confusion among readers who seem to believe I’m a real bird).

I have wonderful friends (above) who proudly parade their pink in Key West and elsewhere, but I have not had the temerity to ask whether this has resulted in any free cocktails. One can only hope!

Let me know how it goes. And send pictures! I love the idea of posting pictures of my readers here in their ASK THE BIRD tee shirts.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

I’m told that you have an actual biography somewhere on the Tropic Press website. Is that true, and where can I find it?

Nosey in Naples

Dear Nosey:

Yes, when this column first began publishing, the editors created a brief backgrounder on me that ran in this space. After countless columns, it’s gotten pushed down in the queue by more recent contributions, but you can still find it on the website by clicking on the Miss Mingo menu item and navigating to the very bottom of the columns. Or you can use this shortcut:

Who is Miss Mingo?

DEAR MISS MINGO:

Our dear leader keeps claiming that he scores a perfect score on cognitive tests, which he mistakenly refers to as intelligence tests.

Given that a perfect score of thirty items would be 30, seems that must be his IQ. Or would it be 100?

Does he realize that 30 on an IQ test is considered sub-moron? Or that 100 is bigly average.

Why does no one ever ask him what his IQ is, based on his tests?

Do his testers also have low IQs, or do they think momentary cognition is intelligence?

Are reporters cognizant of this or do they just lack, courage, integrity, credibility and a sense of humor?

And yes, I do realize that sub-moron is outmoded and 30 would actually be an imbecile on the ancient scale, but I am old!

Thanks for your credible answer.

Safe-in-Europe?

Dear Safe:

Where in Europe, and do you accept house guests?

But to your several questions, in order:

The 30 questions to which you refer are on the Montreal Cognitive Assessment, a screening tool to test for, among other mental maladies, dementia. Anyone who brags that they “passed” the test is clearly suffering from the Dunning-Kruger effect, essentially a person who’s too stupid to know they are stupid.

When you believe you are a stable genius, you are impervious to the truth.

As for Trump’s actual IQ, and efforts by my colleagues in the news media to discover that (apart from his day-to-day sub-moron behavior, as you put it), it has been frustrating. In short, despite ceaseless digging, nobody has ever found any record of Trump having taken an IQ test. And if he did, he’s done a great job of hiding it. Maybe it’s stashed among all the boxes of Top Secret documents in his Mar-a-Lago bathroom.

Or you could just trust his “stable genius” claims, in which case I’ve got a slightly used concentration camp in the Everglades I’ll sell you at a bargain price.

Got a question for Miss Mingo? About life, the news, or clever ways to avoid paying bar tabs? Write to her at MissMingo@Tropic.Press.

ASK MISS MINGO

Want to know more about Miss Mingo? How she got her start? And whether she really lives with two cats—Deadline and Dateline—and a pet iguana named Skippy? You can find her official biography, such as it is, here. If you’re bar hopping on Duval Street in Key West and spot an intriguing woman in a pink hat that you suspect might be Miss Mingo, you can always offer to buy her a Cuba Libre. Will it actually be her? Is there an actual her? Life’s a mystery.

Leave a comment

And now, some shameless advertising…

The official Tropic Press Store is now open and ready for business. You can order your very own Miss Mingo merch online. All sales are final. Check out the store here:

Tropic Press Store

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Editor’s Note: We take a break from hard news every Saturday morning to let Hermina Hermelinda Obregon, a.k.a. Miss Mingo, share her insights with readers. She’s a recovering newspaper reporter living in a bungalow off Duval Street in Key West, where she answers the pressing questions of the day about life, the news, and the best happy hour prices. If we get enough paid subscribers, we may actually start reimbursing her for her efforts.

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DEAR MISS MINGO:

You seem like a fun little pink bird. But is your diet mainly comprised of little sally shrimp?

Wasting Away in Palm Beach

Dear Wasting:

In just a few words, you raise several points that I should address.

Now, to be clear, just because the editors at Tropic Press think it’s soooo funny to draw a cartoon of a flamingo to run with each of these columns does not mean that I, myself, am actually a pink bird.

And just because my nickname is Miss Mingo, does not mean that I have pink feathers and eat shrimp.

Well, actually, I do eat shrimp (mostly for the cocktail sauce), and because I try very hard to stay out of the sun, I suppose my sensitive skin is slightly pinkish. But that’s just a coincidence. I do have lots and lots of pink things because I am kinda nuts about flamingos (hence the nickname), and I do have a feather boa—but let me emphasize that having a feathered boa is not the same thing as having feathers.

(I should hasten to add that my boa does not have REAL flamingo feathers. The very idea!)

And flamingos can’t type. They do talk a lot, though. Mostly it comes out as honks, double-honks, and sometimes growls and grunts and whistles. They’re very chatty with one another. But I dare say none have ever successfully used a keyboard.

Now, to this business of “sally shrimp.” You sent me to the internet with that one. I discovered there’s such a thing as Sally’s Frozen Fish Food, made up of shrimp and it is used in aquariums. Is that what you were referring to?

For the record, I do not live in an aquarium. Although I will say that since starting this column it has been a little more challenging to maintain my privacy, and at times does feel like living in a fishbowl.

Interestingly, I also discovered there’s an online slot machine game entitled Super Sally’s Shrimp Mania—again, something I had never heard of until now. So, thanks for broadening my horizons.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

How much does the choice of words in day-to-day use engender and emphasize tension? For instance, suppose our lawyers and politicians “work” instead of “fighting” for us. And politicians instead of demanding “deals” seek “agreements.” Less confrontation, more empathy and understanding.

William E “Bill” Thompson

Apopka

Dear Bill:

The editors slipped this comment of yours to me thinking that I could use it as a jumping off point for a discussion of manners in this column. But my name is Miss Mingo, not Miss Manners. For the record, though, I totally share your point. Our culture has become pointlessly combative. My own personal conspiracy theory is that this is no accident. It’s by design to divide us and keep us distracted bickering with one another while our pockets are getting picked by the One Percenters.

DEAR MISS MINGO

I‘m having a hard time trying to understand why the issue of tax immunity is not being focused on with more intensity. Attorney General (interim) Todd Blanche issued a blanket immunity for tax audits with no more authority than the stroke of his pen (unless he used an autopen to be sure his fingerprints were not left on the document).

See of all the bruhaha about the $10 billion lawsuit of Trump against the IRS and the $1.776 billion (what’s the irony in that amount), the biggest insult to the nation was the immunity letter. The brief letter filling less than half a page, dismisses Trump, personally, the members of his family, and his business enterprises from IRS enforcement for the past and forever in the future.

Given the wording in the letter, not only would audits be a thing of the past – notwithstanding a law that requires that the tax returns of the president and the vice president must be audited and the contents released to the public.

Blanche, Trump’s former personal attorney, managed to discharge all of those parties from ever having to perform any of those bothersome activities like filing tax returns or for that matter paying any taxes at all. If the individuals and entities cannot be audited thus the tax laws enforced, then how can the IRS enforce failure to file and non-payment of taxes? Can you imagine how much they will save it tax preparation costs alone on top of not paying in taxes?

Pity all of the accounts and tax attorneys that will not have the work of that group. Why the costs and nuisance of filing on all of the schemes and scams of the family businesses doubtless adds up to multi-millions.

Just seems to me like the ultimate "get out of jail” card. Yet there has been little said, even but whether Blache has the authority to discharge this clients from compliance with the law.

I know, I’m just an old crank who has been bothered to have to abide by these pesky tax requirements for seven decades and never got a freebee like this.

William E. “Bill” Thompson

Dear Bill:

You again! But, hey, great letter, and your points are spot on.

Here’s the thing: This “Get Out of Jail Free” card could only have any legitimacy if it were part of an actual settlement of a lawsuit.

Federal Judge Kathleeen Williams has called into question whether the suit was ever legit since it was, essentially, Trump suing himself.

If this isn’t a conspiracy to defraud the government, I don’t know what is, and I can’t imagine this holding up.

Just because Trump has a flunky who signs a ridiculous agreement does not in and of itself give it the force of law (so I say with all my years of legal training, which equal zero). Still, it obviously ain’t right, and I will be shocked—shocked, I tell you— if it isn’t thrown out.

Thanks for bringing it to our attention and for your thoughtful analysis. The longer the letters are from readers like you, the less I have to actually write, which allows me more time to focus on my continued efforts to ring up bar tabs at every saloon in Key West.

Cheers.

Got a question for Miss Mingo? About life, the news, or clever ways to avoid paying bar tabs? Write to her at MissMingo@Tropic.Press

ASK MISS MINGO

Hermina Hermelinda Obregon—a.k.a. Miss Mingo—was an award-winning newspaper reporter before she involuntarily joined the diaspora of journalists leaving the newspaper profession. She now lives with her two cats—Deadline and Dateline—and her pet iguana Skippy. If you wander the streets (and bars) of Key West, you’ll doubtless run into her. She’ll be the woman wearing the ridiculous flamingo hat. If you want an autograph, you’ll have to buy her a Cuba Libre. There’s more about her here.

Leave a comment

And now, some shameless advertising…

The official Tropic Press Store is now open and ready for business. You can order your very own Miss Mingo merch online. All sales are final. Check out the store here:

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Editor’s Note: We take a break from hard news every Saturday morning to let Hermina Hermelinda Obregon, a.k.a. Miss Mingo, share her insights with readers. She’s a recovering newspaper reporter living in a bungalow off Duval Street in Key West, where she answers the pressing questions of the day about life, the news, and the best happy hour prices. If we get enough paid subscribers, we may actually start reimbursing her for her efforts.

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DEAR MISS MINGO:

With the passing of Memorial Day and the brewing excitement over our nation’s 250^th birthday, I have to wonder how Dozy Donny’s efforts are going to Make America Great Again. Are we there yet? To my reckoning, he has threatened some 14 independent nations with violence or a takeover, abducted the leader of one country, and started a war in the Middle East. Does that make him a great leader, and does that make us great again? How do you view his chances of being awarded the Nobel Peace Prize, or has he already acquired one?

In order to stack the deck in his favor, perhaps after he turns the Gaza Strip into a beach resort, he could turn Iran into a Trump golf course and theme park. That should seal the deal!

I am also concerned, as are others, over the Great Pumpkin’s health. I know his hair loss has been an issue, but his complexion is concerning to me. Perhaps he could have his health minion, RFK Jr., look into the possible effects of the orange dye he may have been ingesting.

Speaking of RFK Jr., I recently viewed a stunning video of him wrestling dangerous snakes from the patio of one Dr. Oz. It reminded me of the old Mutual of Omaha series, and of Jim wrestling a wild Anaconda. Perhaps this video could be used in lieu of the standard procedure for him to acquire a permit to participate in the 2026 Florida Python Challenge? I would love for him to wander into the Everglades to tackle this growing health and environmental problem. At the very least, I would think he might offer his services to help clean up around Alligator Alcatraz once it closes. There are so many things a multi-talented genius of his caliber might do to serve our country as we approach its 250^th birthday!

So, if we aren’t great again yet, I can’t imagine what we might do to tip the scales in our favor. Perhaps we could have our esteemed leader Jello wrestle on the White House lawn with Putin, Xi, or the Ayatollah Alireza Arafi. All we need is some sort of hideous structure beneath which to hold the matches!

Does any of this sound reasonable to you, or am I...

Dreamin’ in Dunedin

Dear Dreaming:

Congratulations. This is the longest letter I have received in my time writing this column, and it serves as Exhibit A of why I love this job—I get to interact with so many clever and interesting people.

I realize this is really a tirade disguised as a question just so you could sneak it into print, to which I say: Well played!

But to your point:

MAGA as a slogan begins with a false premise—that America isn’t already great—and that it will take someone, a savior, a larger-than-life leader to turn things around. This is, as we all know, a con job, a trick designed to dupe those poor souls among us prone to buying snake oil, or believing the moon landing wasn’t real, or that vaccines cause STDs, or whatever.

If I recall my Sunday school classes (it’s been a few years), Jesus once said the poor will always be among us.

He might also have said the gullible.

We never needed Trump to be great again. But we need his successor to clean up the mess he’s made.

And no, he won’t win the Nobel Peace Prize. And even if he did, he’d fall asleep during the ceremony.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

While we’re ranting here, what’s with Florida Sen. Ashley Moody pretending she stood up for cops with her vote on Trump’s $1.776 billion slush fund? Does she think we’re stupid?

Aggravated in Apopka

Dear Aggravated:

It would have taken only one more Republican senator voting for it, and Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer’s amendment to dropkick the slush fund out of existence would have passed.

That vote did not come from Moody—or from Florida’s other senator, Rick Scott—either.

As a result, the slush fund still, theoretically, exists.

What Moody did vote for was a failed amendment that would have permitted the slush fund but not let its money be used to reimburse Jan. 6 rioters.

But that was just a bit of performance art. It was a clever gambit by a Democratic senator to force Republicans to vote against it, so it could be used to show that Republicans have no respect for all the police injured during the insurrection at the Capitol.

Moody was among a handful of Republicans facing close races who voted for it, even though it was doomed from the beginning. It gives her something to counterpunch with, sort of, when she is rightfully accused of backing Trump and his chicanery.

It was a meaningless bit of theatrics. Don’t be fooled.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

You seem kind of down on Moody. Why is that?

Fairminded in Fort Lauderdale

Dear Fairminded:

First off, I have no patience for politicians of any party who put their personal political fortunes ahead of the good of the country.

My hero in that regard, even though she and I have never met and we wouldn’t agree on much, is Liz Cheney. She chose patriotism over her career in defying Trump. We need more like her on both sides of the aisle.

Moody was never elected to the Senate. Gov. Ron DeSantis planted her there when Marco Rubio quit to become Trump’s secretary of State. That’s why she has to run now to keep her job.

Trump needs to be impeached. We need a Senate willing to convict. That’s not Moody. She is a total Trump toady.

And, yes, I know I’m showing my biases here. I’m biased in favor of America’s survival.

Wow. This column has been full of tantrums, hasn’t it? I think I’ll go get a cocktail and settle down. See you next week.

Got a question for Miss Mingo? About life, the news, or clever ways to avoid paying bar tabs? Write to her at MissMingo@Tropic.Press

ASK MISS MINGO

Hermina Hermelinda Obregon—a.k.a. Miss Mingo—was an award-winning newspaper reporter before she involuntarily joined the diaspora of journalists leaving the newspaper profession. She now lives with her two cats—Deadline and Dateline—and her pet iguana Skippy. If you wander the streets (and bars) of Key West, you’ll doubtless run into her. She’ll be the woman wearing the ridiculous flamingo hat. If you want an autograph, you’ll have to buy her a Cuba Libre. There’s more about her here.

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Editor’s Note: We take a break from hard news every Saturday morning to let Hermina Hermelinda Obregon, a.k.a. Miss Mingo, share her insights with readers. She’s a recovering newspaper reporter living in a bungalow off Duval Street in Key West, where she answers the pressing questions of the day about life, the news, and the best happy hour prices. If we get enough paid subscribers, we may actually start reimbursing her for her efforts.

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DEAR MISS MINGO:

I read somewhere, maybe on Tropic Press, that you were under the weather last week, and that you were having panic attacks or something about Cuba bombing Key West. You OK?

Worried in Winter Garden

Dear Worried:

It’s true. I had to get my blood pressure medication adjusted, and was out for a few days. Back in action. Although my doctor tells me that Cuba Libres and my meds may not mix too well, so I’m debating whether those meds are really worth it.

And, yes, a contributing factor to my rising anxiety is all of Donald Trump’s rhetoric about Cuba. I’m not worried about the Cubans flying drones to bomb Key West just out of a clear blue Caribbean sky. That’s ridiculous. They may be Communists, but they’re not stupid—unlike some other governmental leaders I could name.

But if Trump gets desperate for a new distraction to keep us from thinking about the Epstein Files, or his ballroom, or that outrageous $1.8 billion slush fund he and his stooge, Todd Blanche, cooked up, well, yeah, who knows what might happen?

It definitely got my feathers ruffled.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

I heard a rumor that a short governor in Florida has requested a law requiring all men’s restroom urinals be the little boy height. I’m guessing it’s so he doesn’t have to wear high heels in public all the time?

Fast Charlie

Dear Fast:

Isn’t it just terrible how people engage in height shaming? We should make it a hate crime, but, of course, that would never happen in Florida, not even for DeSantis, because, you know, it would amount to cancel culture, the same excuse the Legislature uses for not repealing our state holidays for Robert E. Lee, Jefferson Davis, and the Confederacy.

Now, I don’t know how tall DeSantis is or isn’t, although I am aware that some so-called boot experts say he must be wearing lifts. Here’s my question: Since, being a lady, I’ve never actually used a men’s urinal, I would imagine there could be balance issues wearing high heels?

Try it sometime and let me know.

DEAR MISS MINGO

Great article in Tropic Press on hurricane season. Little Marco made the list (of hurricane names) this year! I do have a question. The Gulf Stream is getting weaker and is forecast to collapse in the near future. Do you think that may influence the storms we may get in the future? Thanks.

Janet

Dear Janet:

That’s actually a serious question, and I appreciate it. In fact, it should be a major news story.

Here’s what I found during a quick search on the never-wrong internet:

Yes, a collapsing Gulf Stream would significantly impact Atlantic hurricanes by creating a “clot” of stagnant, intensely warm water in the tropical Atlantic and Gulf of Mexico, fueling more powerful and rapidly intensifying storms.

Because the Gulf Stream is a core component of the Atlantic Meridional Overturning Circulation (AMOC), its collapse would stop the normal northward transport of tropical heat toward Europe.

Which strikes me as a strong argument for Florida’s political leaders to take climate change more seriously than they have. If any state in the nation has a vested interest in reversing global warming, it would be ours.

What is wrong with these people with their heads in the sand?

DEAR MISS MINGO:

Is that why your blood pressure spikes? The way you get so worked up about little things like climate change?

Doctor in Deland

Dear Doctor:

You’re asking me? You’re the doctor. Actually, it runs in the family. Everyone one of us Mingos seems to suffer from it.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

What are you talking about? It says right here in your column that your last name is Obregon, not Mingo. Are you trying to trick us into thinking you’re a real flamingo?

Skeptical in Sarasota

Dear Skeptical:

I love how you assume I’m real at all. Charming. Wouldn’t you be surprised if I told you that I’m just an imaginary friend of a powerful AI intent on world domination?

Just kidding. (Or am I?)

That should probably be my last Cuba Libre of the night.

Got a question for Miss Mingo? About life, the news, or clever ways to avoid paying bar tabs? Write to her at MissMingo@Tropic.Press

ASK MISS MINGO

Hermina Hermelinda Obregon—a.k.a. Miss Mingo—was an award-winning newspaper reporter before she involuntarily joined the diaspora of journalists leaving the newspaper profession. She now lives with her two cats—Deadline and Dateline—and her pet iguana Skippy. If you wander the streets (and bars) of Key West, you’ll doubtless run into her. She’ll be the woman wearing the ridiculous flamingo hat. If you want an autograph, you’ll have to buy her a Cuba Libre. There’s more about her here.

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Editor’s Note: We take a break from hard news every Saturday morning to let Hermina Hermelinda Obregon, a.k.a. Miss Mingo, share her insights with readers. She’s a recovering newspaper reporter living in a bungalow off Duval Street in Key West, where she answers the pressing questions of the day about life, the news, and the best happy hour prices. If we get enough paid subscribers, we may actually start reimbursing her for her efforts.

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DEAR MISS MINGO:

I’m curious about this slush fund that Donald Trump has created. If I read news reports correctly, Trump was mad that his tax returns were leaked by the IRS while he, himself, as president was in charge of the IRS. So, now in his second term, he’s suing the agency he ran for its misconduct, and he appointed the acting attorney general, Todd Blanche, who would defend the government against his lawsuit, a guy who used to be Trump’s lawyer, who then folded like a soggy tortilla and said, in essence: “Whatever you say, boss, here’s $1.8 billion and a promise never to audit your taxes again.” This seems a little fishy to me.

Legally Curious in Lakeland

Dear Legally:

Nothing to see here. It’s all on the up-and-up. And with this as precedent, we can now all file lawsuits against ourselves and settle those lawsuits with ourselves, and award ourselves any amount of money we want.

The only difference is that we would have to raid our own bank accounts because, unlike the Orange Trouser Stain, we don’t have the keys to the U.S. Treasury.

If this is allowed to stand, we can expect more of the same. For instance:

Trump could issue tariffs, driving up the cost of everything in the United States, then sue the Treasury Department for enacting illegal tariffs and causing the cost of his imported golf balls to rise.

Trump could deport all of Florida’s undocumented immigrants, then sue ICE because there’s nobody left to cut the grass at Mar-a-Lago.

Trump could launch a war in Iran, which might cause his popularity to sink faster than the Titanic, then sue the Department of War for following illegal orders that hurt his chances of running for an illegal third term so he could continue to grift the American taxpayers.

And so forth.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

First, I love your column. I look forward to it.

Question:

I read about all the redistricting the Republicans are doing, even in our own Free State of Florida. Do you think it’s fair to non-Republicans? Why are Republicans afraid of losing?

Thank you, Miss Mingo. Carry on with your awesome column. And yes, this is an audition in case you want to take a week-long vacation! Just joking!

Scared in Florida (will not disclose my location)

Dear Scared:

There’s nothing wrong with being scared. The fight-or-flight instinct is built into our DNA.

Why are Republicans afraid of losing? For the same reason Democrats fear losing. The question is: What’s the price of winning and is it worth it?

The G.O.P. is no longer the political party of Reagan or Goldwater or even the Bushes. It has become a cult of personality, with only one guiding principle: If you want to keep your phony-baloney elected position you do what the mob boss says. His word—not the Constitution—is law.

So, yeah, we have a lot of Republican officeholders who have sold their souls.

But…

And I know some of you will laugh at me for being naive, but I believe (I have to believe) there are still reasonable people out there, even in the Republican Party, who can see with their own eyes that the emperor has no clothes.

You won’t see me berating Republicans simply because they have been deceived. But I have no love in my heart for members of Congress who have the actual power to stop this madness but, instead, put their own political futures over what’s best for the country.

Liz Cheney and I could not be further apart in our political leanings, but I admire her courage and agreed with her when she said:

“I say this to my Republican colleagues who are defending the indefensible: There will come a day when Donald Trump is gone, but your dishonor will remain.”

DEAR MISS MINGO:

Is my memory failing me, or was last week’s column the first time that you published your priceless works of award-winning American journalism in which there was no representation of yourself in the image that always accompanies your articles?

Artistic in Alachua

Dear Artistic:

Due to a mix-up on the Tropic Press copydesk (editors, despite what we writers may think, are only human) the wrong graphic was used.

This is what you had emailed to you. It’s pretty funny, but it lacks a certain something—namely, me!

This is what the website shows, now that it has been updated with the more recent illustration:

Maybe it’s just me, but I think it is sooooo much better with me in it. Well, obviously, it’s not just me. You noticed, too. Good catch.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

I know you prefer to have Florida stuff, but here’s a certified short video you can appreciate. The subject is guardianship for the United States by our friends just north of us.

https://youtube.com/shorts/RaE7X7LBos8?si=bLJNNaL32eHK279y

Ray Sullivan

Dear Ray:

Thanks for the contribution. I’m having a Molson’s in honor of this splendid suggestion.

Got a question for Miss Mingo? About life, the news, or clever ways to avoid paying bar tabs? Write to her at MissMingo@Tropic.Press

ASK MISS MINGO

Hermina Hermelinda Obregon—a.k.a. Miss Mingo—was an award-winning newspaper reporter before she involuntarily joined the diaspora of journalists leaving the newspaper profession. She now lives with her two cats—Deadline and Dateline—and her pet iguana Skippy. If you wander the streets (and bars) of Key West, you’ll doubtless run into her. She’ll be the woman wearing the ridiculous flamingo hat. If you want an autograph, you’ll have to buy her a Cuba Libre. There’s more about her here.

Leave a comment

And now, some shameless advertising…

The official Tropic Press Store is now open and ready for business. You can order your very own Miss Mingo merch online. All sales are final. Check out the store here:

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Editor’s Note: We take a break from hard news every Saturday morning to let Hermina Hermelinda Obregon, a.k.a. Miss Mingo, share her insights with readers. She’s a recovering newspaper reporter living in a bungalow off Duval Street in Key West, where she answers the pressing questions of the day about life, the news, and the best happy hour prices. If we get enough paid subscribers, we may actually start reimbursing her for her efforts.

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DEAR MISS MINGO:

Gov. Ron D. Santis says Alligator Alcatraz was a great savings for taxpayers, even though it seems to have been a total boondoggle with the Trump regime saying it costs too much and is ineffective, which is why it is being shut down after less than a year of operation.

Who’s telling the truth?

Concerned in Cedar Key

Dear Concerned:

Ferreting out the truth is challenging given how secretive the DeSantis government has been throughout this shameful experience.

And I would caution you, dear readers, that the three things you should never ask me to do are add and subtract.

That said, here are the numbers I am looking at:

It cost about $600 million to construct the Everglades concentration camp, and news reports repeatedly say it operates on a more than a million-dollar-a-day budget. If it is shut down by the end of this month, it will have only been operational for 11 months.

Add all that up, and you have a sunk cost of about $1 billion. Yes, that’s billion with a B. And that does not include the cost of dismantling it, assuming DeSantis does not leave this mess to continue polluting the environment.

During its brief and disgraceful run, the best estimate I can find is that about 20,000 prisoners were run through the facility.

Which comes to about $50,000 a prisoner.

Compare that to the federal government’s daily reimbursement rate of about $88 per inmate.

Even if you cut the cost in half and factor in what expenses would have been if these detainees had been held elsewhere, it sure looks like there is no way on God’s green Earth that this can be justified as a taxpayer savings.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

You may have heard that Trump signed an executive order to remove all bison from federal lands. With all his other interests, I have no idea why he interrupted his golf games for that. Also, where will they be placed?

I’ve not been able to confirm the rumor that he plans to rename the San Andreas fault the Joe Biden fault. Could you please confirm or deny that rumor?

Curious in Sarasota

Dear Curious:

I wish I had read your letter before answering the previous question, and I am loath to go back and redo my work as I am not paid by the hour (in fact, I can’t recall ever getting paid by this outfit at all).

So, assuming your question was in jest, I was just going to be snarky and suggest the buffalo be relocated to Alligator Alcatraz and that the detention center could be renamed the Bison Brig.

But then I peeked on the internet and — HOLY BOVINE! — you weren’t kidding. The Bureau of Land Management is actually relocating 900 to 950 bison from federal lands in Montana.

Why?

To make room for cattle ranchers and their herds.

Mind blown!

Just when we think there is nothing more outrageously stupid the Trump cabal could do to shoot themselves in the foot, they pull this stunt? Like they need more votes from Montana, a state with less than a third of one percent of the nation’s population?

So, you appease a couple of cattle barons and enrage the rest of the country, which, you know, thinks buffalo are cool?

Well, at the rate Trump chokes down cheeseburgers, maybe he figures he’s got to keep the cattle numbers up. But I gotta say this is so mind-numbingly idiotic it’s enough to drive a bird to drink.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

You didn’t actually answer the second part of my question.

Curious in Sarasota (again)

Dear Curious:

Oh, good catch. Is Trump renaming the San Andreas Fault the Joe Biden Fault?

Yes.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

In an internet video of the shooting at the White House Correspondents’ Dinner that even you might have overlooked, a Secret Service agent is heard to call out, “Donald, duck.” Disney Enterprises, Inc. claims that the posting of this video violates its copyright that protects the creative expression, “Donald Duck.” Disney has filed suit against the Trump administration asking that all videos using this expression be either muted or removed from the internet and seeking punitive damages. The Department of Justice has not responded to a request for reaction to this suit. However, a spokesperson who is not authorized to comment said that in the verbal use of this expression, an implied comma and lower case “d” in “duck” mean that the phrase is different from the Disney phrase. The spokesperson asserts that the suit has no merit but is it just the filing of a quack lawyer. Miss Mingo, what say you?

William

Dear William:

Sounds like a Mickey Mouse lawsuit to me.

Got a question for Miss Mingo? About life, the news, or clever ways to avoid paying bar tabs? Write to her at MissMingo@Tropic.Press

ASK MISS MINGO

Hermina Hermelinda Obregon—a.k.a. Miss Mingo—was an award-winning newspaper reporter before she involuntarily joined the diaspora of journalists leaving the newspaper profession. She now lives with her two cats—Deadline and Dateline—and her pet iguana Skippy. If you wander the streets (and bars) of Key West, you’ll doubtless run into her. She’ll be the woman wearing the ridiculous flamingo hat. If you want an autograph, you’ll have to buy her a Cuba Libre. There’s more about her here.

Leave a comment

And now, some shameless advertising…

The official Tropic Press Store is now open and ready for business. You can order your very own Miss Mingo merch online. All sales are final. Check out the store here:

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Editor’s Note: We take a break from hard news every Saturday morning to let Hermina Hermelinda Obregon, a.k.a. Miss Mingo, share her insights with readers. She’s a recovering newspaper reporter living in a bungalow off Duval Street in Key West, where she answers the pressing questions of the day about life, the news, and the best happy hour prices. You can support her bar tab by becoming a paid subscriber.

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DEAR MISS MINGO:

I am distressed.

I have spent a lot of time and trouble assembling my grocery shopping ensemble so I would fit in with all the open-carry customers at Publix. Now the grocery chain has changed its mind and has posted notices that it would “kindly” prefer customers not show up dressed for gunfights.

All this, after I special-ordered Publix-green Jimmy Choos with matching holster and ammo belt.

Now what am I supposed to do?

Six-Gun from Sarasota

Dear Six-Gun:

I feel your pain. Well, actually, I don’t, but I’m working on how to fake empathy.

Anyway, it’s not a total loss. Just save all your gear for the next St. Patrick’s Day. You’ll fit right in.

One word of caution, though: If you get the hankering for green beer, you’ll have to hang up your pistols before entering a bar in Florida, one of the few places where firearms are outlawed. (Also, courthouses, although judges are more than happy for you to open carry elsewhere, so long as it isn’t near where they work.)

DEAR MISS MINGO:

Seems to me that we must adopt a new term for the recent redistricting action in our state. Gerrymandering doesn’t rise to the level of shameful political vote-stealing the governor engineered. Ronmandering or RonMarauding should be used as the new benchmark for un-American theft of scared voting rights.

William E. “Bill” Thompson

Dear Bill:

Oooooooh. I like that.

And I take your broader point. After all, to the victors belong the spoils in politics, so we expect a certain amount of shenanigans on the part of the party in power when it comes to creating legislative and congressional districts.

But really? This map?

Are you kidding this bird? My assumption is that the only reason there are even four tiny blue dots on this monstrosity is because it was impossible for Ron DeSantis to completely wipe the Democrats off the map—literally.

If he could have, he would have.

Which is why Florida voters, way back in 2010, by a margin of 63 percent, approved the Fair Districts amendments to the state Constitution. The intent of voters was obvious—to prevent just this kind of chicanery.

And just to be clear, while I, myself, do not belong to any political party—I am an impartial journalist, after all—if Democrats tried to pull a malodorous stunt like this, I’d be just as mad at them as I am at the Republicans.

How dare any party spit in the eyes of the voters like this! We are supposed to be a democracy, not a dictatorship. Ronnie may prance around in his elevator boots, but this is the act of a small, cynical man.

Can you tell my feathers are ruffled?

DEAR MISS MINGO:

Since we’re talking about gerrymandering—and since you claim to be fair-minded—isn’t it true that the Democratic Party had a chance to fix the root cause of this in 2024, but actually chose to side with Republicans to keep the political status quo that allows this criminal defiance of the voters’ will to continue?

Perturbed in Pinellas Park

Dear Perturbed:

Fair point.

One of the reasons that Republican legislators felt comfortable approving DeSantis’ atrocious map is because they knew there would be no political fallout that would damage them.

Why?

Because the state’s legislative districts are already so gerrymandered that very few of the 160 House and Senate members ever face any serious opposition from the opposing party.

There was a ballot initiative in 2024 that could have taken steps to fix that. It was called All Voters Vote, and it would have forced both the Republicans and Democrats to open their primary elections to everyone. Current rules mean that people who are not registered to one of the major parties are voiceless in primary elections.

And we’re talking about millions and millions of voters. To be more precise, there are 3.3 million Florida voters with no party affiliation whatsoever and another half million belonging to one of about a dozen minor parties.

All Voters Vote would have opened up primary elections to everyone, which would force Democrats and Republicans to stop catering to just the extremes of their own parties.

But it fell short.

In Florida, for ballot initiatives like this to be enacted, 60 percent of the voters must approve them. It only got 57 percent—a clear majority, to be sure, but just short.

And here’s the kicker—and to your point:

Among those opposing passage of that amendment was the actual Florida Democratic Party, which had everything to gain from it. It’s hard to see how they had anything to lose given what’s just transpired.

So, yeah, when we see where all this leads—to a nearly all-red Ronmandering map—Democrats have a lot to answer for. They had a chance to do SOMETHING, but they did nothing.

Then, again, they’re famous for forming up circular firing squads.

See! I can be critical of everyone.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

On an unrelated note, you took a crack at DeSantis earlier for his “elevator boots.” The only boots I’ve ever noticed him wearing were those Nancy Sinatra knockoffs. You sure about this?

Boot Curious in Bradenton

Dear Boot:

Well, I don’t think anyone actually knows for sure, but there was this Politico article in which a couple of boot experts said they were certain he had lifts in his boots that raise his height by about an inch and a half.

He denies this, of course.

And, yeah, he wears boots all the time. This is the picture you were referring to:

I dig the look, actually. Always loved Gogo boots. Have a pair myself. Mine are, of course, pink.

It’s unclear whether DeSantis wore lifts when this photo was taken, but, hey, I always say: You be you. And if it helps elevate his self-esteem, whatever bloats your float. Or something.

Got a question for Miss Mingo? About life, the news, or clever ways to avoid paying bar tabs? Write to her at MissMingo@Tropic.Press

ASK MISS MINGO

Hermina Hermelinda Obregon—a.k.a. Miss Mingo—was an award-winning newspaper reporter before she involuntarily joined the diaspora of journalists leaving the newspaper profession. She now lives with her two cats—Deadline and Dateline—and her pet iguana Skippy. If you wander the streets (and bars) of Key West, you’ll doubtless run into her. She’ll be the woman wearing the ridiculous flamingo hat. If you want an autograph, you’ll have to buy her a Cuba Libre. There’s more about her here.

Leave a comment

And now, some shameless advertising…

The official Tropic Press Store is now open and ready for business. You can order your very own Miss Mingo merch online. All sales are final. Check out the store here:

Tropic Press Store

Editor’s Note: We take a break from hard news every Saturday morning to let Hermina Hermelinda Obregon, a.k.a. Miss Mingo, share her insights with readers. She’s a recovering newspaper reporter living in a bungalow off Duval Street in Key West, where she answers the pressing questions of the day about life, the news, and the best happy hour prices. You can support her bar tab by becoming a paid subscriber.

Subscribe now

DEAR MISS MINGO:

Ever since former FBI director James Comey was indicted, I have been concerned about my seashell collection and fearful that federal agents may be breaking down my patio door at any moment.

It’s the weirdest thing, kinda like the way hoses and ropes manage to get tangled all by themselves, my shells have—all on their own, I swear—started spelling things where I have them laid out on my poolside table.

Here’s a picture I took just this morning:

I am now concerned that my seashells may be possessed and are doing this just to get me in trouble. So, here’s my question:

Do seashells get mad at us when we collect them from the beach? And could this be their revenge?

Creeped Out in Coral Gables

Dear Creeped:

Just because you may possess seashells, that does not mean they are possessed. Two different things.

However, it has been my experience that if the shells still contain their critters, those mollusks may try to escape, and I suppose it is within the realm of the possible that given an infinite number of mollusks over an infinite period of time, they might spell out something.

For instance, just the other day, when I was in Palm Beach, I saw some conchs on the beach near Mar-a-Lago crawling around, and for a brief moment, I thought I noticed a pattern. Here’s a picture I shot with my iPhone:

DEAR MISS MINGO:

I truly can’t believe the Dumpster Fire administration is going to court over seashell art.....I mean it generally sucks, but it’s not sedition. I feel it deserves a little tongue twister:

She sells seashells by the seashore,

but Comey’s shells made forty-seven sore.

8-6, 4-7 scratched in the sand one fine day,

and the big baby cried till his hair turned gray.

Seashells! Sedition! The tantrum was grand,

the most powerful man... can’t stand the hot sand.

He bellowed and bawled and bleated and stewed …

while Comey just walked and enjoyed the view.

So, she sells seashells by the seashore still,

and 47’s lawyers are trying again until

some judge takes a look at this whole sorry case

and tosses the shells right back in his face.

Petty in Pinellas

Dear Petty:

Further evidence that some of the most creative writing here on Tropic Press comes from our readers. Thanks.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

So, the Florida legislature has gerrymandered the hell out of the state’s congressional districts, and the U.S. Supreme Court just shot the Voting Rights Act in the head. What does that mean for the upcoming midterm elections?

Apoplectic in Apalachicola

Dear Apoplectic:

Nothing good.

The decision in Tallahassee was bad enough, but now the Roberts Court has decided that any protections minorities had against being excluded from equal representation in Congress is out the window.

If you draw political boundaries that allow Blacks to have a voice, then you are automatically discriminating against poor, beleaguered white people. Or so the court seems to be reasoning, which is exactly what Gov. Ron DeSantis argued the other day, too.

Maybe they’re all possessed. By something. Racism, maybe?

Got a question for Miss Mingo? About life, the news, or clever ways to avoid paying bar tabs? Write to her at MissMingo@Tropic.Press

ASK MISS MINGO

Hermina Hermelinda Obregon—a.k.a. Miss Mingo—was an award-winning newspaper reporter before she involuntarily joined the diaspora of journalists leaving the newspaper profession. She now lives with her two cats—Deadline and Dateline—and her pet iguana Skippy. If you wander the streets (and bars) of Key West, you’ll doubtless run into her. She’ll be the woman wearing the ridiculous flamingo hat. If you want an autograph, you’ll have to buy her a Cuba Libre. There’s more about her here.

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Editor’s Note: We take a break from hard news every Saturday morning to let Hermina Hermelinda Obregon, a.k.a. Miss Mingo, share her insights with readers. She’s a recovering newspaper reporter living in a bungalow off Duval Street in Key West, where she answers the pressing questions of the day about life, the news, and the best happy hour prices. You can support her bar tab by becoming a paid subscriber.

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DEAR MISS MINGO:

I am wondering about the rumor that is spreading that Donald J. Trump has directed his Secretary of Health and Human Services, Robert F. Kennedy, Jr., to negotiate a menu expansion at his favorite restaurant, McDonald’s. The iconic menu item at the restaurant is currently the “Big Mac” known to consist of “two all-beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame bun.”

Proposals to date have determined that the new item will be eponymously called the “Mac Donald.” Ingredients will be “two all liver patties, orange sauce, wilted lettuce, moldy cheese, and a golden bun embossed with an image of Mr. Trump.” The liver-based Mac Donald is designed to be a cheaper alternative to the Big Mac for those people who cannot afford ground beef. The orange sauce is really excellent in covering the grey tones that can emerge when liver is not cooked properly. The wilted lettuce will be naturally wilted, not wilted through cooking measures, as lettuce past its prime can be purchased cheaply. The moldy cheese will serve as a health benefit serving as an antibiotic and health enhancer that replaces the need for vaccines. There will be no pickles or onions on the Mac Donald as there is no way to ensure that these items have been picked only by documented individuals. The golden brown bun will be toasted on the top using a branding iron with a profile of Mr. Trump.

This sounds like an effort by the president to expand his brand recognition so that he will not have to rely on having his name only on buildings, airports, apparel, skin care products, home goods, pickleball paddles and various other sundries. It would also provide another excuse for nausea in regard to all things Trump.

Is this rumor on the level?

William

Dear William:

I think you and I need to get something straight:

I’m supposed to be the comedian here. When letter writers like you submit questions that are funnier than anything I could possibly come up with, my boss may start wondering: Maybe I should hire this guy and ditch the bird.

I’m having a hard enough time paying my bar tab as it is.

(Just kidding, this is a GREAT question and, besides, I’m not only a protected class, I’m also an endangered species (Journalista americana), so no way would the Tropic Press H.R. Department let me get sacked.)

Now, is there any truth to this? Perhaps asked another way, is it beyond the imagination that Donald Trump would use his power and influence to have yet one more thing named for himself?

No, it is absolutely not beyond our imaginations, is it? After all, you just imagined it. And if we can imagine it, it can happen.

And since we are publishing this out to hundreds of thousands of loyal readers, we can be certain it is now grist for the rumor mill.

Is it on the level? What is these days?

DEAR MISS MINGO:

Speaking of Trump and food, I heard that Dr. Mehmet Oz was on Donald Trump Jr.’s podcast, Triggered, and he said the president has a fondness for orange Fanta, which he jokingly refers to as “freshly squeezed.”

Oz evidently said he was on Air Force One and spotted the soft drink on Trump’s desk and that when he asked His Majesty about the soda, Trump made that “fresh squeezed” quip, presumably as a joke.

Trump also apparently suggested that diet sodas are beneficial because they “kill grass” if spilled, and therefore might “kill cancer cells.”

This raises a question in my mind:

Do diet soft drinks really kill grass, and can I use them instead of commercial weed killers?

Curious in Coral Gables

Dear Curious:

To test this out, I wandered over to my neighbor’s yard and “accidentally” spilled some Diet Coke on his lawn.

I went back the next day and saw no noticeable damage to the grass.

Which is a good thing, because when I returned to the scene of the crime, I noticed for the first time that my neighbor has a pair of cameras pointing to his front yard, and he could have caught me in the act

Lucky break there was no harm done.

Too bad in one sense, though, because wouldn’t it be nice if we had something more effective than cancer-causing weed killers to tend to our gardens?

As for Fanta Orange Zero Sugar’s health benefits, here are the ingredients I found on the never-wrong internet, so you can judge for yourself. I am not a chemist, so for all I know this might be the cure for cancer, Covid, or maybe even armpit fungus.

Carbonated water, critic acid, Aspartame and Acesulfame Potassium, natural orange flavoring, Potassium Benzoate, modified food starch, Glycerol Ester of Rosin, Sucrose Acetate Isobutyrate, medium chain triglycerides, and potassium citrate.

Yum.

I live in Florida (so does the president), so when I have a hankering for orange soda, I just take some fresh orange juice, which, despite citrus greening, is still in plentiful supply, and splash in some club soda.

If the sun is past the yardarm, a dash of Tito’s can give it a nice kick.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

Admit it. You can’t possibly write such brilliant prose if you’re swilling orange juice, club soda, and vodka for lunch. Not even Hemingway could do that!

Skeptical in Sarasota.

Dear Skeptical:

Well, you caught me. I usually skip the club soda.

Just kidding. The truth is, a few snorts and it’s bedtime for me, so I’ve learned to pace myself.

But don’t underestimate Hemingway. He made me look like an amateur. And he died young for it at the tender age of 61. I won’t say I’ve already beaten him in the longevity department, but that’s because a lady never reveals her age.

Got a question for Miss Mingo? About life, the news, or clever ways to avoid paying bar tabs? Write to her at MissMingo@Tropic.Press

ASK MISS MINGO

Hermina Hermelinda Obregon—a.k.a. Miss Mingo—was an award-winning newspaper reporter before she involuntarily joined the diaspora of journalists leaving the newspaper profession. She now lives with her two cats—Deadline and Dateline—and her pet iguana Skippy. If you wander the streets (and bars) of Key West, you’ll doubtless run into her. She’ll be the woman wearing the ridiculous flamingo hat. If you want an autograph, you’ll have to buy her a Cuba Libre. There’s more about her here.

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Editor’s Note: We take a break from hard news every Saturday morning to let Hermina Hermelinda Obregon, a.k.a. Miss Mingo, share her insights with readers. She’s a recovering newspaper reporter living in a bungalow off Duval Street in Key West, where she answers the pressing questions of the day about life, the news, and the best happy hour prices. You can support her bar tab by becoming a paid subscriber.

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DEAR MISS MINGO:

I’m a little confused.

I know Florida has a very short (two months, is it?) annual legislative session, so it’s not a big surprise that our representatives don’t get much done other than serving the interests of their lobbyist and special-interest masters.

So, sure, there have to be special sessions, which I guess the governor gets to call, when they don’t finish their required business, like drafting the state’s annual budget.

But now (Gov. Ron) DeSantis has delayed the special session because nobody was ready, and added another one to take up, among other things, his obsession about eliminating vaccination requirements for school children? And another topic will be redrawing congressional districts so his buddy, Donald Trump, won’t lose control of Congress?

While there’s still no budget?

This is causing me to lose faith in our government. Help!

Crestfallen in Crestview

Dear Crestfallen:

And they didn’t name the flamingo the state bird, either, and where’s the special session for that?

But, seriously, yeah, this is a clown fiesta of the first order.

They say they want to eliminate property taxes, but have no clear plan on how to replace the money those taxes raise for essential services.

They want to eliminate vaccinations in the middle of a measles outbreak—measles being the “canary in the coal mine” of infectious diseases, meaning the more we cut back on vaccinations, the more infectious diseases we will be exposed to.

And even though the state’s congressional districts already overwhelmingly favor Republicans (20 out of 28 seats), that’s not enough?

It is crazy.

But don’t lose hope.

Democracy is designed to be self-correcting. And assuming the would-be monarch in the White House doesn’t declare a national emergency or some other bit of hockeypock, we’ll have the opportunity in November to fix this.

But it does require us to actually get out of our easy chairs, and VOTE!

The Washington Post has a motto that so far has survived Jeff Bezos. It reads: “Democracy Dies in Darkness.” True that. But, more to the point, democracy dies from complacency.

We can’t afford to be complacent this year of all years.

Sorry if this isn’t particularly amusing, but we are in the middle of an existential crisis.

God, I need another drink.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

Marks Brothers is a siding manufacturer in Oregon and some kind of musical group in Pennsylvania. So, last week, when you wrote Marks Brothers Central Casting, I assume you meant Marx Brothers, right?

Thank you for letting me pretend for a moment that the world's not on fire and small-time typos in the news are still worth correcting.

Hope life in the Keys is still more Jimmy Buffett than bullshit,

Alice

Dear Alice:

Ooops!

Good catch. While I was writing that column last week, I was also corresponding with a guy whose last name is Marks. Honestly, I wouldn’t lie about a thing like that. And I assume that’s how I got those mixed up.

Or maybe it was the martini?

Who knows?

Got a question for Miss Mingo? About life, the news, or clever ways to avoid paying bar tabs? Write to her at MissMingo@Tropic.Press

ASK MISS MINGO

Hermina Hermelinda Obregon—a.k.a. Miss Mingo—was an award-winning newspaper reporter before she involuntarily joined the diaspora of journalists leaving the newspaper profession. She now lives with her two cats—Deadline and Dateline—and her pet iguana Skippy. If you wander the streets (and bars) of Key West, you’ll doubtless run into her. She’ll be the woman wearing the ridiculous flamingo hat. If you want an autograph, you’ll have to buy her a Cuba Libre. There’s more about her here.

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Time to take back our state

The upcoming midterm elections provide a generational opportunity to change the complexion of Florida’s political makeup. But for that to happen, Republican incumbents in the Legislature must face Democrats on the ballot. Currently, there are far too many seats where Republicans stand to run unopposed. Here’s how we can fix that:

More Information

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Editor’s Note: We take a break from hard news every Saturday morning to let Hermina Hermelinda Obregon, a.k.a. Miss Mingo, share her insights with readers. She’s a recovering newspaper reporter living in a bungalow off Duval Street in Key West, where she answers the pressing questions of the day about life, the news, and the best happy hour prices. You can support her bar tab by becoming a paid subscriber.

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DEAR MISS MINGO:

If you cannot vote because you don’t have the proper paperwork to prove your citizenship and/or your identity in the eyes of the current occupant of the Oval Office and his minions, do you have to pay taxes, serve on jury duty, sign up for the draft, get a driver’s license?

Just wondering.

Barb Harrington

Dear Barb:

Your question reminds me of one of the rallying cries of the American Revolution, you know, the war we fought to ensure that our country wasn’t ruled by kings or wannabes.

It went:

“No taxation without representation!”

Given that, I would say you would be perfectly within your rights to stop paying taxes, fail to register for the draft, serve on juries, etc.

In principle.

As it turns out, just because you’re right, doesn’t mean you’re legal. For instance, even undocumented immigrants living in our country are required to pay taxes and register for the draft. Even though they can’t vote.

(And, for the record, they DON’T vote despite all the deranged yammering by some losers about stolen elections.)

But someone—and it could be YOU—could stand on principle and make a visible public statement of defiance to underscore how stupid and immoral all these voter suppression laws are.

Good luck with that!

DEAR MISS MINGO:

Speaking of the draft, is it true that President Trump wants to reinstitute the draft even though he famously was a Vietnam War draft dodger?

Mad at MacDill

Dear Mad:

Why the Trump administration would bring up the draft while we are in the middle of a terrifying and unconstitutional war in Iran is a real puzzler.

But, in all fairness, the Selective Service System for years has been talking about how inefficient its draft sign-up process is, how it has no teeth, and how easily it can be avoided.

Their plan is to scour all the federal databases to find young men who have failed to register and put them on the list. Hopefully, that’s the end of it and that the senile lunatic at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue doesn’t have any plans to start calling people up.

In fact, it would take an act of Congress to do so, and for a president to attempt it unilaterally would be illegal.

Not that considerations of law and constitutionality have ever hindered the Orange Trouser Stain before.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

I think that the Democrats have missed out on the use of the word “trumpery” in their anti-Trump postings.

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, Trumpery refers to something showy or attractive yet ultimately worthless, deceptive, or nonsensical.

Check it out and make use of it.

Enjoy your weekly column!

Bill Dolbier

Dear Bill:

I pondered how to make use of it and decided the best way was simply to publish your letter. Thanks.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

Here's a great reporter’s scoop for ya! We've all been diligently searching for where the people in the Trump administration came from. We all thought it was from Trump watching TV all day and picking the craziest people he could find. Silly us! Here's the real reason:

No One at Waffle House Remembers FEMA Official Who Says he Teleported In

Fulfilled in Venice

Dear Fulfilled:

Oh, to be fulfilled in Venice. Gondolas on the canals, St. Mark’s Basilica, Doge’s Palace… Oh, wait, you mean Venice, Florida. Well, it is very nice too.

Thanks for the link to that hilarious New York Times story.

Yeah, Trump seems to be filling his top administration posts from Marx Brothers Central Casting, and with the sacking of Kristi Noem and Pam Bondi, it looks like an encore performance from his first term, more purging to come.

Got a question for Miss Mingo? About life, the news, or clever ways to avoid paying bar tabs? Write to her at MissMingo@Tropic.Press

ASK MISS MINGO

Hermina Hermelinda Obregon—a.k.a. Miss Mingo—was an award-winning newspaper reporter before she involuntarily joined the diaspora of journalists leaving the newspaper profession. She now lives with her two cats—Deadline and Dateline—and her pet iguana Skippy. If you wander the streets (and bars) of Key West, you’ll doubtless run into her. She’ll be the woman wearing the ridiculous flamingo hat. If you want an autograph, you’ll have to buy her a Cuba Libre. There’s more about her here.

Leave a comment

And now, some shameless advertising…

The official Tropic Press Store is now open and ready for business. You can order your very own Miss Mingo merch online. All sales are final. Check out the store here:

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Editor’s Note: We take a break from hard news every Saturday morning to let Hermina Hermelinda Obregon, a.k.a. Miss Mingo, share her insights with readers. She’s a recovering newspaper reporter living in a bungalow off Duval Street in Key West, where she answers the pressing questions of the day about life, the news, and the best happy hour prices. You can support her bar tab by becoming a paid subscriber.

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DEAR MISS MINGO:

I get the impression that Florida Attorney General James Uthmeier’s new push to arm “non-dangerous” felons is solely for the purpose of allowing Donald J. Trump to carry heat since he is a convicted felon, and he wants to get on his good side.

I’d like to hear what you think.

Pondering in Pembroke Pines

Dear Pondering:

Who needs trained journalists? The best questions come from readers, and this one hits the bullseye.

Yes, it is entirely possible—indeed, it’s nearly guaranteed that Uthmeier’s every deed is designed to curry favor with the MAGA crowd.

Remember, this is what Trump said about firearms during his first presidential campaign:

“I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody, and I wouldn't lose any voters, OK? It's, like, incredible."

That was years before Trump was convicted of 34 felony counts. If he tried that today, he could be arrested because felons are not allowed to possess guns in New York. (Of course, they’re not allowed to shoot people, either.)

It’s conceivable that Uthmeier may be signaling Trump that in Florida, he can get away with anything he wants. After all, as Trump also infamously said:

“When you're a star, they let you do it. You can do anything...”

DEAR MISS MINGO:

I just returned from domestic travel. In Los Angeles and Washington, D.C., my restaurant tabs have included a strange new 10 percent to 15 percent charge. When I inquired if this was a mandatory waiter’s tip, I was informed, no, this was a fee for the benefit of the kitchen staff.

When I suggested that maybe it was the owner’s responsibility to see the help is paid a living wage, not mine, a manager was soon summoned, and it was suggested I was being disrespectful.

So, Miss Mingo, is there a way to head off this new restaurant charge before it hits Southern Florida?

Expecting the worst in Florida,

Richard Tenewitz

Dear Richard:

Yes, this appears to be a growing and annoying trend, and you’re not wrong that these fees are being levied so restaurant owners don’t have to build the extra labor costs into their menu prices.

In other parts of the world, restaurant workers are paid a living wage and don’t rely on the so-called “social contract” of tipping to supplement their wages.

Florida law is a little interesting on this front, according to my research on the never-wrong internet:

As of September 30, 2025, Florida's minimum wage for non-tipped employees is $14.00 per hour. For tipped restaurant employees, employers must pay a direct cash wage of at least $10.98 per hour. If tips plus the direct wage do not equal at least $14.00 per hour, the employer must make up the difference.

I also read that these “back-of-the-house” or “kitchen appreciation” fees are getting pushback, so you’re not alone. Some places are passing laws requiring restaurants to disclose these charges on menus and receipts beforehand.

If calorie counts are on the menu, why not the actual price? Seems fair to me.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

So, I’ve been reading about trumpet symbolism in history. There’s the trumpet of the elephant to signal its presence. The trumpets in religions symbolizing the times to come. It got me to wondering, do you think “Trump” is also a symbol?

Thank you, Miss Mingo!!

Karrie Ford

Dear Karrie:

According to some accounts, the original family name of Trump’s grandfather was Drumpf, which was later anglicized to Trump.

The name is, as you suggest, was associated with a “trumpet blast” in the 16th century.

Trump’s critics, of which there are legions, use this to make fun of the would-be-monarch. It was really popularized by John Oliver on his Last Week Tonight show.

So, is it a symbol? Yes. It symbolizes loud, annoying noises, as in: “I have to turn my hearing aid down, Martha, to block out all the president’s damned drumpf!”

DEAR MISS MINGO:

Hey Girl….Enjoy your incisive insights with your charming mix of humor!

Heard recently on the news there had been another murderous strike on a small boat, killing four accused without trial or so much as mention of a jury, of being illicit drug couriers, and that the justification was a declared “war on drugs”.

But isn’t it only Congress that is allowed to declare war?

It was also mentioned that this was the eleventh such small boat decimation with a total around 44 or so summarily blown to smithereens. But again, back in school days we were taught those accused were considered “innocent, until proven guilty by a jury of their peers…”!

Would love you to do a check in your inimitable style and report who authorized this “war”, by what authority it proceeds forward; is it in breach of U.S. or international or even moral law? Reminds me of that Russian & Israeli guy with poison or precise, exact deadly hits, unfettered, decisive, killing whoever they please. Seems inappropriate for the U.S., said to be Land of the Free and Home of the Brave!

Roy Webster

Dear Roy:

Isn’t it interesting how we play games with people’s lives while fiddling with semantics?

When is a war a war? When Congress says so. But it doesn’t make anyone less dead, does it, if Congress decides to turn a blind eye as it has with our non-war in Iran?

Seems as though we are increasingly taking pages from Vladimir Putin’s playbook, who, to this day, insists Russia isn’t at “war” with Ukraine, it’s just a “special military operation.”

A distinction without a difference that reinforces George Orwell’s reputation as a prophet for our times.

Got a question for Miss Mingo? About life, the news, or clever ways to avoid paying bar tabs? Write to her at MissMingo@Tropic.Press

ASK MISS MINGO

Hermina Hermelinda Obregon—a.k.a. Miss Mingo—was an award-winning newspaper reporter before she involuntarily joined the diaspora of journalists leaving the newspaper profession. She now lives with her two cats—Deadline and Dateline—and her pet iguana Skippy. If you wander the streets (and bars) of Key West, you’ll doubtless run into her. She’ll be the woman wearing the ridiculous flamingo hat. If you want an autograph, you’ll have to buy her a Cuba Libre. There’s more about her here.

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The official Tropic Press Store is now open and ready for business. You can order your very own Miss Mingo merch online. All sales are final. Check out the store here:

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Editor’s Note: We take a break from hard news every Saturday morning to let Hermina Hermelinda Obregon, a.k.a. Miss Mingo, share her insights with readers. She’s a recovering newspaper reporter living in a bungalow off Duval Street in Key West, where she answers the pressing questions of the day about life, the news, and the best happy hour prices. You can support her bar tab by becoming a paid subscriber.

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DEAR MISS MINGO:

I see that the Florida Legislature hatefully failed to make the flamingo the state bird. Is there some kind of prejudice involved with this decision? I mean, they’re mostly Republicans, right, and mostly men? Do they just detest the color pink because it’s unmanly or something? And are you personally offended by that?

Flamingo Fan in Flagler

Dear Fan:

Just to be clear, I’m not an actual talking/writing flamingo, you know, right? It’s just my nickname. That said, among the many things I love about Florida are its exotic birds, none more so than the flamingo. I mean, I got the nickname because I always wear pink, so, yeah, I’m a fan, too.

Now to your questions.

Yes, it is certainly true that men outnumber women in the state House and Senate. Current count is 93 males to 67 females. If there are any elected officeholders there who identify as nonbinary, they aren’t talking about it.

And, yes, you are correct that most members of the Florida Legislature are Republicans. Overwhelmingly so: 116-44.

There’s a reason for this. It’s called gerrymandering, and, if Gov. Ron DeSantis gets his way, more gerrymandering will be on the way. But I digress.

About this whole business of men avoiding pink: I did a little research, and I think that whole blue-is-for-boys and pink-is-for-girls thing is changing. That said, pink is associated with Breast Cancer Awareness Month, women’s rights, and LGBTQ+ causes, so, yeah, maybe some Republicans steer clear of the color for fear they could be misidentified as thoughtful.

But doesn’t everyone love flamingos?

For all practical purposes, it IS the state bird already. After all, it’s the symbol of the lottery, and what could say “Florida” more than a game for the mathematically impaired? It is the iconic bird of our great state.

When people think of Florida, do you really imagine that images of the northern mockingbird come to mind? Northern?? It’s enough to make a flamingo lover shed pink tears.

I mean, why do you think Florida’s abbreviation is FLA instead of FLO? Flamingo, of course.

And isn’t it what Florida was called before all the Spanish conquistadores arrived to share smallpox with the natives? That’s right! Flamingo is a rough translation of “Land of the One-Legged Pink Birds” in Calusa, said nobody ever (until now).

But, back on track, no, I don’t think the Legislature failed to change the state bird to the flamingo because of any sort of prejudice. In fact, it seemed to have widespread support in both political parties.

Not prejudice. Simply incompetence.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

Some time ago, you wrote a column addressing the question of matching shoes and holsters for Florida women who open-carry their pistols. I try to keep up with fashion trends. Any updates?

Packing in Pinellas

Dear Packing:

First off, I wrote that piece, tongue-in-beak, as a way to poke a little well-deserved sarcasm at the whole open-carry phenom in Florida.

Since I don’t own a gun, nor would I go around like Annie Oakley displaying it even if I did, I might not be the best person to consult on this. Also, there are some people—like the bartender pouring me a drink right now at the Hard Rock—who have accused me of being obsessed with the color pink, as we just discussed in the item above.

So, were I to pack heat, it would definitely have to be a pink holster with pink shoes. But the bigger question is: Does anyone make a pink sidearm?

I looked that up, and, as it turns out, there are several gun makers who do just that as a marketing ploy to get more women to buy guns. Kinda like making candy-flavored cigarettes to lure children into smoking, I suppose. Could marketers be more craven? Oh, sure. There are no boundaries when it comes to merchandising.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

Isn’t that a little cynical? Historically, hasn’t advertising, on balance, been a good thing?

Marlboro Man in Manatee

Dear Marlboro:

Hahahahahaha.

You mean like this?

Or this?

Or this?

I’ll stop now. Bartender, pour me another….

Got a question for Miss Mingo? About life, the news, or clever ways to avoid paying bar tabs? Write to her at MissMingo@Tropic.Press

ASK MISS MINGO

Hermina Hermelinda Obregon—a.k.a. Miss Mingo—was an award-winning newspaper reporter before she involuntarily joined the diaspora of journalists leaving the newspaper profession. She now lives with her two cats—Deadline and Dateline—and her pet iguana Skippy. If you wander the streets (and bars) of Key West, you’ll doubtless run into her. She’ll be the woman wearing the ridiculous flamingo hat. If you want an autograph, you’ll have to buy her a Cuba Libre. There’s more about her here.

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Today, millions of Americans will take to the streets for the latest No Kings Day rally. You can find the one nearest to you here.

Editor’s Note: We take a break from hard news every Saturday morning to let Hermina Hermelinda Obregon, a.k.a. Miss Mingo, share her insights with readers. She’s a recovering newspaper reporter living in a bungalow off Duval Street in Key West, where she answers the pressing questions of the day about life, the news, and the best happy hour prices. You can support her bar tab by becoming a paid subscriber.

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DEAR MISS MINGO:

I heard on the Dave Elliott radio show yesterday that it was Alien Abduction Day. Does this refer to space aliens abducting innocent Earthlings or the activities of ICE agents abducting and incarcerating undocumented immigrants at concentration camps like Alligator Alcatraz? Or both?

Curious in Clewiston

Dear Curious:

Neither, although I can see how this would easily become confusing.

It actually refers to an incident that occurred over the skies of Roswell, New Mexico, in 1947 when American fighter aircraft shot down a flying saucer.

Of course, there was a huge cover-up, and the Pentagon claimed it was just a weather balloon (it’s always a weather balloon, right?).

But, in truth, a pair of space aliens were captured (abducted) and hauled off to a secret bunker at Wright Patterson Air Force Base in Dayton, Ohio, where, sources tell me, they are still alive today.

Interestingly, they love pasta, so I have to wonder if it is a coincidence that, in addition to Alien Abduction Day, it was also Ravioli Day.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

I see that Florida’s former attorney general — and now U.S. Attorney General — Pam Bondi has been subpoenaed to testify before the House Oversight Committee to defend herself over her failure to fully release the Epstein Files as required by a law passed by Congress and signed by Donald Trump. What happens if she refuses?

Legally Blonde in Bradenton

Dear Legally:

The last time Bondi showed up for a congressional hearing, she went Full Karen and was widely ridiculed. So, it wouldn’t surprise me if she snubbed this latest attempt to force the truth out of her.

The committee could move to hold her in contempt, which requires a full vote of the House of Representatives, although she could argue about the validity of the subpoena.

Another problem: A contempt charge against Bondi would be prosecuted by the Justice Department, which she heads, so the odds of that happening approach zero.

Congress could also file suit in federal court, but where that would lead seems murky as red tide.

Ultimately, she could be impeached, and articles of impeachment have been filed, but so far, haven’t gained any traction.

So, my answer, even though I am not an attorney, is that the consequences would be more political than legal. Her failure to show up would hand Democrats a wonderful gift. “What’s Pam Hiding?” I can see the memes now.

So, I’m personally hoping she gets all stubborn and petulant about it and falls into that trap.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

Full Karen? Isn’t that a little unfair to all the women out there who, through no fault of their own, were named Karen by their parents? And should the actual Karens of the world be entitled to sue their mothers and fathers for naming them that?

@ Real Karen in Clearwater

Dear Karen:

Hey, I didn’t invent the whole Karen-as-an-entitled-white-woman-throwing-her-priviledged-weight-around thing, so don’t blame (or sue) me.

Could a real Karen such as yourself sue your parents?

Of course.

But in so doing, I think you’d prove the point of the meme.

Think about that. If you can.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

OK. But can we change it to going Full Bondi?

@ Real Karen (again)

Dear Karen:

Works for me.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

Will you be attending one of the No Kings Day rallies on March 28? Just curious whether as a registered journalist, you are allowed to participate in such things.

Ethically Minded in Marathon

Dear Ethically Minded:

Were I a news reporter, like I was in the good old days, it would be considered unethical for me to be an active participant in any political activity like that. Reporters are entitled to their own feelings and can belong to political parties (although I never did) and vote (I certainly do), but are expected to conduct themselves objectively, showing no favoritism to any side in a political debate.

That said, I’m not a reporter anymore. I’m a columnist, and the editors at Tropic Press actually pay me to have an opinion.

So, yeah, you can count on it. In fact, just as soon as I finish typing this (and finishing my drink), I’m painting my sign.

See you there!

DEAR MISS MINGO:

In your first item today, you referred to the Dave Elliott show, a talk radio program in Southwest Florida. Wasn’t that just a shameless plug since your boss, J.C. Bruce, is on the show every Friday at 8:10 a.m.?

Radiohead in Reddington Beach

Dear Radiohead:

Totally a coincidence. Although, since you mention it, here’s a link for more information:

The Dave Elliott Show

Got a question for Miss Mingo? About life, the news, or clever ways to avoid paying bar tabs? Write to her at MissMingo@Tropic.Press

ASK MISS MINGO

Hermina Hermelinda Obregon—a.k.a. Miss Mingo—was an award-winning newspaper reporter before she involuntarily joined the diaspora of journalists leaving the newspaper profession. She now lives with her two cats—Deadline and Dateline—and her pet iguana Skippy. If you wander the streets (and bars) of Key West, you’ll doubtless run into her. She’ll be the woman wearing the ridiculous flamingo hat. If you want an autograph, you’ll have to buy her a Cuba Libre. There’s more about her here.

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Coming Tomorrow:

The U.S. government took a half century to build a vaccination system that shielded children from deadly diseases. Its success depended on two fundamental pillars: parents trusting in vaccines and children having access to them. Both are now in peril, especially here in Florida. Coming Sunday: A special report from ProPublica.

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Editor’s Note: We take a break from hard news every Saturday morning to let Hermina Hermelinda Obregon, a.k.a. Miss Mingo, share her insights with readers. She’s a recovering newspaper reporter living in a bungalow off Duval Street in Key West, where she answers the pressing questions of the day about life, the news, and the best happy hour prices. You can support her bar tab by becoming a paid subscriber.

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DEAR MISS MINGO:

What did Trump mean when he said on TV that we are winning so much people are getting sick of winning? Unemployment is up. Job creation is down. The stock market is plummeting. I can’t afford to fill my car with gas now. His illegal tariffs are driving up the price of everything. And we’re at war. This doesn’t seem like winning to me.

Disturbed in Dunedin

Dear Disturbed:

You are referring, of course, to this oft-quoted diatribe from Dear Leader:

We are winning so much, that we really don't know what to do about it. People are asking me, ‘please, please, please Mr. President, we are winning too much, we can't take it anymore. We're not used to winning in our country.’

To fully understand this quote, you have to realize that Trump wasn’t talking about America.

When he said, “We’re not used to winning in our country,” he clearly couldn’t have been referring to the United States of America unless he’s completely delusional. America is the most successful country in the history of the world by almost any “winning” measure—as long as you’re not talking about health care or the Miami Dolphins.

What country, then?

Has to be Russia. Trump seems to be dedicating the bulk of his presidency to denying the Epstein files evidence and bailing out his boy crush Vladimir Putin.

Consider:

Trump’s grand plan to end the war in Ukraine, which is killing the Russian economy, was a proposed treaty that basically called for Ukraine’s surrender.

When that went over like a lead zeppelin, he started a war with Iran, which, predictably, resulted in a huge spike in oil prices. And then this week, he dropped the embargo on Russian oil, creating a huge financial windfall for Putin, which he can use to finance his war effort in Ukraine.

Who’s the winner? Gotta be Russia. Certainly not the United States with all the chaos and rising prices he’s created here at home.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

You’re sounding a little paranoid there, aren’t you? Suffering from Trump Derangement Syndrome are we?

John Barron in Palm Beach

Dear John:

It’s not paranoia when everywhere you turn, your government seems to be conspiring against you. It’s gotten so bad that I’m afraid to wear a surgical mask in crowded places for fear people will think I’m an ICE agent.

And there’s only one person on Earth suffering from TDS, and that’s DJT.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

Since you seem to have succumbed to conspiracy theories about government heavy-handedness, what are your thoughts about the Florida Legislature passing that bill making it harder for people to register to vote?

Cynical in Clearwater

Dear Cynical:

First off, the Florida Constitution already forbids anyone who is not a citizen from voting. And there is no meaningful voter fraud in Florida. In the last election, there were fewer than 200 questionable ballots cast out of the hundreds of thousands of votes. Even the sponsors of the legislation conceded that.

This is Jim Crow all over again.

Remember the bad old days of poll taxes?

Well, of course you don’t, you’re entirely too young. But there was a time when Southern racists charged a fee on Black people who wanted to vote. It was, perfectly obviously, a way to keep poor people away from the voting booth.

That’s all this new legislation is, another form of poll tax, this time wrapped around the guise of election integrity. Want to register to vote? Well, when this new law takes effect—thankfully not until after the midterm elections—you’ll need to show your papers.

Cue footage from World War II movies of German Gestapo demanding everyone on the street to cough up their IDs or head straight to the nearest concentration camp.

What kind of papers? Oh, things like birth certificates, passports—you know, the ordinary documents we all carry around with us.

Not.

It’s enough to drive a woman (who, thankfully, never married and changed her last name) to drink.

Which is where I’m off to now.

Have a great weekend. And register to vote while you still can.

Got a question for Miss Mingo? About life, the news, or clever ways to avoid paying bar tabs? Write to her at MissMingo@Tropic.Press

ASK MISS MINGO

Hermina Hermelinda Obregon—a.k.a. Miss Mingo—was an award-winning newspaper reporter before she involuntarily joined the diaspora of journalists leaving the newspaper profession. She now lives with her two cats—Deadline and Dateline—and her pet iguana Skippy. If you wander the streets (and bars) of Key West, you’ll doubtless run into her. She’ll be the woman wearing the ridiculous flamingo hat. If you want an autograph, you’ll have to buy her a Cuba Libre. There’s more about her here.

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The official Tropic Press Store is now open and ready for business. You can order your very own Miss Mingo tee shirts and coffee mugs online. All sales are final. Check out the store here:

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Time to take back our state

The upcoming midterm elections provide a generational opportunity to change the complexion of Florida’s political makeup. But for that to happen, Republican incumbents in the Legislature must face Democrats on the ballot. Currently, there are far too many seats where Republicans stand to run unopposed. Here’s how we can fix that:

More Information

Editor’s Note: We take a break from hard news every Saturday morning to let Hermina Hermelinda Obregon, a.k.a. Miss Mingo, share her insights with readers. She’s a recovering newspaper reporter living in a bungalow off Duval Street in Key West, where she answers the pressing questions of the day about life, the news, and the best happy hour prices. You can support her bar tab by becoming a paid subscriber.

Subscribe now

DEAR MISS MINGO:

Is there any truth to a rumor I heard that the Florida House of Representatives has decided not to take up a bill that would drop vaccination requirements for school children even though it passed in the Senate? And isn’t this a win for science and sanity?

Relieved in Riverview

Dear Relieved:

We need to take our wins where we can find them, so yes. But there are a few caveats we should be aware of.

Here’s the situation:

Gov. Ron DeSantis and his surgeon general, Joe Ladapo, have made a big deal about “medical freedom” and how forcing kids to take life-saving shots is tantamount to “slavery.”

As if taking proven precautions to prevent another polio pandemic were a bad thing.

So, dutifully, Republicans in the Legislature introduced bills to make it easier for parents to exempt their school-age children from vaccine mandates.

Scientists, doctors, other health experts, and anyone with an ounce of gray matter between their ears screamed out in protest, but the state Senate rarely lets facts get in the way of pandering to the delusional MAGA and MAHA cults.

In the House, though, Speaker Daniel Perez has said the bill is dead this session. It hasn’t been moved out of committees and won’t be considered before this year’s regular session of the Legislature ends this month.

The fact that Florida now has the third-highest number of measles outbreaks in the country certainly didn’t make that decision more difficult. Measles is a highly infectious disease and is kind of like the canary in the coal mine when it comes to pandemics: First comes measles, then comes polio—that’s the thinking. It happens when people stop getting vaccinated and herd immunity is weakened.

So, it’s all good that this madness has been stopped in the House.

But this is the Florida Legislature, and this is politics, so never say never.

There is at least one special session of the Legislature planned for later to redraw the boundaries of congressional districts to help Republican candidates, and this session could be extended or another special session added to finish working on the budget. The point being that anything can — and often does — happen whenever the Legislature is meeting.

So, to quote the immortal words that Thomas Jefferson should have said: “Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty.”

DEAR MISS MINGO:

What do you mean by “should have said?” You mean Thomas Jefferson never actually said those words? That’s not what I learned in school.

Troubled in Tallahassee

Dear Troubled:

Yeah, that quote is frequently attributed to Jefferson, and he did, indeed, say many clever things. But not that.

According to historians, there are several people who did say it, though, notably the liberal activist and abolitionist Wendell Phillips speaking to the Massachusetts Anti-Slavery Society in 1852, to wit:

“Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty; power is ever stealing from the many to the few…”

Even Jefferson, ever modest, declined to take credit. As he posted on Facebook:

DEAR MISS MINGO:

Oh, come on. You’re just being silly. We all know Facebook wasn’t around when Jefferson was alive. You’re just testing us, trying to make sure we’re paying attention, admit it.

Cynical in Clearwater.

Dear Cynical:

Well, you caught me. As Abraham Lincoln once said:

DEAR MISS MINGO:

I just heard on the Dave Elliot radio show that Waffle House has banned James Fishback, one of the Republicans running for governor. What’s that about?

Laughing in Largo

Dear Laughing:

Yes, Fishback has posted on Twitter, the social media site that is currently — and ridiculously — calling itself “X,” that he had a deal to visit every Waffle House in Florida as part of his campaign. But they backed out.

We’ve only heard his side of the story as this was written, so details on what prompted Waffle House to change its mind are unclear.

Clever idea, though, on Fishback’s part. It reminded me of how “Walkin’ Lawton” Chiles in 1970 literally traveled the state on foot during his U.S. Senate campaign from Pensacola to Key Largo—a whopping 1,033 miles.

And it worked. He won.

I thought the Waffle House idea was brilliant. But I get why the restaurant chain might have second thoughts about it. Who in their right mind wants to get tangled up in that? Next thing you know, every politician in the state with their hordes of supporters would be showing up at Waffle Houses. How would they ever keep enough batter in stock?

Got a question for Miss Mingo? About life, the news, or clever ways to avoid paying bar tabs? Write to her at MissMingo@Tropic.Press

ASK MISS MINGO

Hermina Hermelinda Obregon—a.k.a. Miss Mingo—was an award-winning newspaper reporter before she involuntarily joined the diaspora of journalists leaving the newspaper profession. She now lives with her two cats—Deadline and Dateline—and her pet iguana Skippy. If you wander the streets (and bars) of Key West, you’ll doubtless run into her. She’ll be the woman wearing the ridiculous flamingo hat. If you want an autograph, you’ll have to buy her a Cuba Libre. There’s more about her here.

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The official Tropic Press Store is now open and ready for business. You can order your very own Miss Mingo tee shirts and coffee mugs online. All sales are final. Check out the store here:

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Meet J.C. Bruce in Fort Myers

The annual Southwest Florida Reading Festival is today, and Tropic Press founder and author J.C. Bruce will be there autographing copies of the books in his Strange Files series of mysterious adventures, most of them set right here in the Gunshine State. If you’re in the neighborhood, stop by.

Reading Festival Details

Editor’s Note: We take a break from hard news every Saturday morning to let Hermina Hermelinda Obregon, a.k.a. Miss Mingo, share her insights with readers. She’s a recovering newspaper reporter living in a bungalow off Duval Street in Key West, where she answers the pressing questions of the day about life, the news, and the best happy hour prices. You can support her bar tab by becoming a paid subscriber.

Subscribe now

DEAR MISS MINGO:

I have heard that there is a move afoot to insert $2 million of funding into the Florida “veggie libel” bill for the Florida Department of Agriculture and Consumer Services. The purpose of this funding is to develop a new citrus product to be known as the “Trump Orange.” The sole criterion for the development of this orange is that its fruit color must match that of the president’s skin tone. There are no other qualities to be specified for the fruit. Indeed, the funding statement even states specifically that brown discolorations from various diseases will not disqualify this product from commercialization.

I am wondering if this proposal is meant to make it illegal to mock the president’s skin color by permitting prosecution of those who would do so using the provisions of the “veggie libel” bill.

Thank you for your wisdom.

William

Dear William:

This reminds me of the spelling bee contestant who, when asked to spell “orange,” asked whether it was the fruit or the color.

In this case, both.

The color orange is very much associated with Trump, as in nicknames such as Orange-a-Lago, the Orange Menace, the Orange Oligarch, and the Orange Trouser Stain.

But, of course, orange coloration is not restricted to that particular fruit or vegetable. There’s the Tangerine Tantrum, the Mango Mussolini, the Pumpkin Populist, and so forth.

Wait! Or mangos orange? Well, never let facts get in the way of a good joke.

But, yes, if that amendment passes, any insult to Trump’s orange skin could fall under the jurisdiction of the state’s Veggie Libel Law, and perpetrators could be sued for billions of dollars.

Even more frightening, another bill before the Legislature would create a new anti-terrorism unit in the Florida Department of Law Enforcement charged with tracking down anyone whose words are viewed as “a threat or are inimical to the interests of this state.”

And who gets to decide who Florida’s new Thought Police would prosecute? Were it a reality today, that would be the current attorney general, not elected by the people but appointed by Gov. Ron DeSantis, who has shown no hesitancy in doing whatever his dear leader Trump demands.

Sleep well.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

Hey! I like the idea of having all our airports named “The Current Occupant of the White House International Airport.” We pay low, mass produced prices for hundreds of airport signs and never have to replace them.

KJ

Dear KJ:

Yes! Florida Phoenix columnist Diane Roberts used that line in a recent column, and it was brilliant.

Renaming the Palm Beach International Airport in Trump’s honor is estimated to cost $5 million that otherwise could have been spent on—oh, I don’t know—the welfare of the state’s citizens? Just a thought.

Should the Democrats regain control of Congress, which seems likely after the midterm elections, would they insist on legislation reversing all these sycophantic Trump renamings around the country? And, if so, would that cost us yet another $5 million to reverse the damage?

This idea would fix that costly crisis. On the other hand, I kinda fancy the idea of renaming the airport the John F. Kennedy Memorial International Airport just to stick it to the Orange Mango Menace.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

In last week’s column, you mentioned you were writing while sitting at the outdoor bar at the Hard Rock Cafe on Duval Street. Then I noticed this week in one of Ted Lund’s reports from Key West that it’s going to be closed down. Is it possible yours will have been the last Cuba Libre ordered there?

Misty from Marathon

Dear Misty:

I did notice that business seemed a little slow at the Hard Rock while bars right across Duval were hopping. I will miss the place. It was always a great spot to hang out during Fantasy Fest to watch the parade.

So, who will, indeed, be the last person to order a Cuba Libre before they turn out the lights?

I shall make that my quest!

Oh, by the way, if you look closely at the photograph that ran with Ted Lund’s story on this, you can just barely see me at the bar!

Got a question for Miss Mingo? About life, the news, or clever ways to avoid paying bar tabs? Write to her at MissMingo@Tropic.Press

ASK MISS MINGO

Hermina Hermelinda Obregon—a.k.a. Miss Mingo—was an award-winning newspaper reporter before she involuntarily joined the diaspora of journalists leaving the newspaper profession. She now lives with her two cats—Deadline and Dateline—and her pet iguana Skippy. If you wander the streets (and bars) of Key West, you’ll doubtless run into her. She’ll be the woman wearing the ridiculous flamingo hat. If you want an autograph, you’ll have to buy her a Cuba Libre. There’s more about her here.

Get Your Mingo Merch

The official Tropic Press Store is now open and ready for business. You can order your very own Miss Mingo tee shirts and coffee mugs online. All sales are final. Check out the store here:

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