Tropic Press: J.C. Bruce: Miss Mingo

ASK THE BIRD: What's with all these special sessions of the state Legislature?

Sat, 18 Apr 2026 15:09:53 GMT

Editor’s Note: We take a break from hard news every Saturday morning to let Hermina Hermelinda Obregon, a.k.a. Miss Mingo, share her insights with readers. She’s a recovering newspaper reporter living in a bungalow off Duval Street in Key West, where she answers the pressing questions of the day about life, the news, and the best happy hour prices. You can support her bar tab by becoming a paid subscriber.

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DEAR MISS MINGO:

I’m a little confused.

I know Florida has a very short (two months, is it?) annual legislative session, so it’s not a big surprise that our representatives don’t get much done other than serving the interests of their lobbyist and special-interest masters.

So, sure, there have to be special sessions, which I guess the governor gets to call, when they don’t finish their required business, like drafting the state’s annual budget.

But now (Gov. Ron) DeSantis has delayed the special session because nobody was ready, and added another one to take up, among other things, his obsession about eliminating vaccination requirements for school children? And another topic will be redrawing congressional districts so his buddy, Donald Trump, won’t lose control of Congress?

While there’s still no budget?

This is causing me to lose faith in our government. Help!

Crestfallen in Crestview

Dear Crestfallen:

And they didn’t name the flamingo the state bird, either, and where’s the special session for that?

But, seriously, yeah, this is a clown fiesta of the first order.

They say they want to eliminate property taxes, but have no clear plan on how to replace the money those taxes raise for essential services.

They want to eliminate vaccinations in the middle of a measles outbreak—measles being the “canary in the coal mine” of infectious diseases, meaning the more we cut back on vaccinations, the more infectious diseases we will be exposed to.

And even though the state’s congressional districts already overwhelmingly favor Republicans (20 out of 28 seats), that’s not enough?

It is crazy.

But don’t lose hope.

Democracy is designed to be self-correcting. And assuming the would-be monarch in the White House doesn’t declare a national emergency or some other bit of hockeypock, we’ll have the opportunity in November to fix this.

But it does require us to actually get out of our easy chairs, and VOTE!

The Washington Post has a motto that so far has survived Jeff Bezos. It reads: “Democracy Dies in Darkness.” True that. But, more to the point, democracy dies from complacency.

We can’t afford to be complacent this year of all years.

Sorry if this isn’t particularly amusing, but we are in the middle of an existential crisis.

God, I need another drink.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

Marks Brothers is a siding manufacturer in Oregon and some kind of musical group in Pennsylvania. So, last week, when you wrote Marks Brothers Central Casting, I assume you meant Marx Brothers, right?

Thank you for letting me pretend for a moment that the world's not on fire and small-time typos in the news are still worth correcting.

Hope life in the Keys is still more Jimmy Buffett than bullshit,

Alice

Dear Alice:

Ooops!

Good catch. While I was writing that column last week, I was also corresponding with a guy whose last name is Marks. Honestly, I wouldn’t lie about a thing like that. And I assume that’s how I got those mixed up.

Or maybe it was the martini?

Who knows?

Got a question for Miss Mingo? About life, the news, or clever ways to avoid paying bar tabs? Write to her at MissMingo@Tropic.Press

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Hermina Hermelinda Obregon—a.k.a. Miss Mingo—was an award-winning newspaper reporter before she involuntarily joined the diaspora of journalists leaving the newspaper profession. She now lives with her two cats—Deadline and Dateline—and her pet iguana Skippy. If you wander the streets (and bars) of Key West, you’ll doubtless run into her. She’ll be the woman wearing the ridiculous flamingo hat. If you want an autograph, you’ll have to buy her a Cuba Libre. There’s more about her here.

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Time to take back our state

The upcoming midterm elections provide a generational opportunity to change the complexion of Florida’s political makeup. But for that to happen, Republican incumbents in the Legislature must face Democrats on the ballot. Currently, there are far too many seats where Republicans stand to run unopposed. Here’s how we can fix that:

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ASK THE BIRD: If you're not allowed to vote, do you still have to pay taxes?

Sat, 11 Apr 2026 10:01:50 GMT

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DEAR MISS MINGO:

If you cannot vote because you don’t have the proper paperwork to prove your citizenship and/or your identity in the eyes of the current occupant of the Oval Office and his minions, do you have to pay taxes, serve on jury duty, sign up for the draft, get a driver’s license?

Just wondering.

Barb Harrington

Dear Barb:

Your question reminds me of one of the rallying cries of the American Revolution, you know, the war we fought to ensure that our country wasn’t ruled by kings or wannabes.

It went:

“No taxation without representation!”

Given that, I would say you would be perfectly within your rights to stop paying taxes, fail to register for the draft, serve on juries, etc.

In principle.

As it turns out, just because you’re right, doesn’t mean you’re legal. For instance, even undocumented immigrants living in our country are required to pay taxes and register for the draft. Even though they can’t vote.

(And, for the record, they DON’T vote despite all the deranged yammering by some losers about stolen elections.)

But someone—and it could be YOU—could stand on principle and make a visible public statement of defiance to underscore how stupid and immoral all these voter suppression laws are.

Good luck with that!

DEAR MISS MINGO:

Speaking of the draft, is it true that President Trump wants to reinstitute the draft even though he famously was a Vietnam War draft dodger?

Mad at MacDill

Dear Mad:

Why the Trump administration would bring up the draft while we are in the middle of a terrifying and unconstitutional war in Iran is a real puzzler.

But, in all fairness, the Selective Service System for years has been talking about how inefficient its draft sign-up process is, how it has no teeth, and how easily it can be avoided.

Their plan is to scour all the federal databases to find young men who have failed to register and put them on the list. Hopefully, that’s the end of it and that the senile lunatic at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue doesn’t have any plans to start calling people up.

In fact, it would take an act of Congress to do so, and for a president to attempt it unilaterally would be illegal.

Not that considerations of law and constitutionality have ever hindered the Orange Trouser Stain before.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

I think that the Democrats have missed out on the use of the word “trumpery” in their anti-Trump postings.

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, Trumpery refers to something showy or attractive yet ultimately worthless, deceptive, or nonsensical.

Check it out and make use of it.

Enjoy your weekly column!

Bill Dolbier

Dear Bill:

I pondered how to make use of it and decided the best way was simply to publish your letter. Thanks.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

Here's a great reporter’s scoop for ya! We've all been diligently searching for where the people in the Trump administration came from. We all thought it was from Trump watching TV all day and picking the craziest people he could find. Silly us! Here's the real reason:

No One at Waffle House Remembers FEMA Official Who Says he Teleported In

Fulfilled in Venice

Dear Fulfilled:

Oh, to be fulfilled in Venice. Gondolas on the canals, St. Mark’s Basilica, Doge’s Palace… Oh, wait, you mean Venice, Florida. Well, it is very nice too.

Thanks for the link to that hilarious New York Times story.

Yeah, Trump seems to be filling his top administration posts from Marx Brothers Central Casting, and with the sacking of Kristi Noem and Pam Bondi, it looks like an encore performance from his first term, more purging to come.

Got a question for Miss Mingo? About life, the news, or clever ways to avoid paying bar tabs? Write to her at MissMingo@Tropic.Press

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ASK THE BIRD: Guns for felons? Is this just a tease to get on Trump's good side?

Sat, 04 Apr 2026 10:36:26 GMT

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DEAR MISS MINGO:

I get the impression that Florida Attorney General James Uthmeier’s new push to arm “non-dangerous” felons is solely for the purpose of allowing Donald J. Trump to carry heat since he is a convicted felon, and he wants to get on his good side.

I’d like to hear what you think.

Pondering in Pembroke Pines

Dear Pondering:

Who needs trained journalists? The best questions come from readers, and this one hits the bullseye.

Yes, it is entirely possible—indeed, it’s nearly guaranteed that Uthmeier’s every deed is designed to curry favor with the MAGA crowd.

Remember, this is what Trump said about firearms during his first presidential campaign:

“I could stand in the middle of Fifth Avenue and shoot somebody, and I wouldn't lose any voters, OK? It's, like, incredible."

That was years before Trump was convicted of 34 felony counts. If he tried that today, he could be arrested because felons are not allowed to possess guns in New York. (Of course, they’re not allowed to shoot people, either.)

It’s conceivable that Uthmeier may be signaling Trump that in Florida, he can get away with anything he wants. After all, as Trump also infamously said:

“When you're a star, they let you do it. You can do anything...”

DEAR MISS MINGO:

I just returned from domestic travel. In Los Angeles and Washington, D.C., my restaurant tabs have included a strange new 10 percent to 15 percent charge. When I inquired if this was a mandatory waiter’s tip, I was informed, no, this was a fee for the benefit of the kitchen staff.

When I suggested that maybe it was the owner’s responsibility to see the help is paid a living wage, not mine, a manager was soon summoned, and it was suggested I was being disrespectful.

So, Miss Mingo, is there a way to head off this new restaurant charge before it hits Southern Florida?

Expecting the worst in Florida,

Richard Tenewitz

Dear Richard:

Yes, this appears to be a growing and annoying trend, and you’re not wrong that these fees are being levied so restaurant owners don’t have to build the extra labor costs into their menu prices.

In other parts of the world, restaurant workers are paid a living wage and don’t rely on the so-called “social contract” of tipping to supplement their wages.

Florida law is a little interesting on this front, according to my research on the never-wrong internet:

As of September 30, 2025, Florida's minimum wage for non-tipped employees is $14.00 per hour. For tipped restaurant employees, employers must pay a direct cash wage of at least $10.98 per hour. If tips plus the direct wage do not equal at least $14.00 per hour, the employer must make up the difference.

I also read that these “back-of-the-house” or “kitchen appreciation” fees are getting pushback, so you’re not alone. Some places are passing laws requiring restaurants to disclose these charges on menus and receipts beforehand.

If calorie counts are on the menu, why not the actual price? Seems fair to me.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

So, I’ve been reading about trumpet symbolism in history. There’s the trumpet of the elephant to signal its presence. The trumpets in religions symbolizing the times to come. It got me to wondering, do you think “Trump” is also a symbol?

Thank you, Miss Mingo!!

Karrie Ford

Dear Karrie:

According to some accounts, the original family name of Trump’s grandfather was Drumpf, which was later anglicized to Trump.

The name is, as you suggest, was associated with a “trumpet blast” in the 16th century.

Trump’s critics, of which there are legions, use this to make fun of the would-be-monarch. It was really popularized by John Oliver on his Last Week Tonight show.

So, is it a symbol? Yes. It symbolizes loud, annoying noises, as in: “I have to turn my hearing aid down, Martha, to block out all the president’s damned drumpf!”

DEAR MISS MINGO:

Hey Girl….Enjoy your incisive insights with your charming mix of humor!

Heard recently on the news there had been another murderous strike on a small boat, killing four accused without trial or so much as mention of a jury, of being illicit drug couriers, and that the justification was a declared “war on drugs”.

But isn’t it only Congress that is allowed to declare war?

It was also mentioned that this was the eleventh such small boat decimation with a total around 44 or so summarily blown to smithereens. But again, back in school days we were taught those accused were considered “innocent, until proven guilty by a jury of their peers…”!

Would love you to do a check in your inimitable style and report who authorized this “war”, by what authority it proceeds forward; is it in breach of U.S. or international or even moral law? Reminds me of that Russian & Israeli guy with poison or precise, exact deadly hits, unfettered, decisive, killing whoever they please. Seems inappropriate for the U.S., said to be Land of the Free and Home of the Brave!

Roy Webster

Dear Roy:

Isn’t it interesting how we play games with people’s lives while fiddling with semantics?

When is a war a war? When Congress says so. But it doesn’t make anyone less dead, does it, if Congress decides to turn a blind eye as it has with our non-war in Iran?

Seems as though we are increasingly taking pages from Vladimir Putin’s playbook, who, to this day, insists Russia isn’t at “war” with Ukraine, it’s just a “special military operation.”

A distinction without a difference that reinforces George Orwell’s reputation as a prophet for our times.

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ASK THE BIRD: Why do state legislators hate flamingos, and are you offended by that?

Sat, 28 Mar 2026 10:01:14 GMT

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DEAR MISS MINGO:

I see that the Florida Legislature hatefully failed to make the flamingo the state bird. Is there some kind of prejudice involved with this decision? I mean, they’re mostly Republicans, right, and mostly men? Do they just detest the color pink because it’s unmanly or something? And are you personally offended by that?

Flamingo Fan in Flagler

Dear Fan:

Just to be clear, I’m not an actual talking/writing flamingo, you know, right? It’s just my nickname. That said, among the many things I love about Florida are its exotic birds, none more so than the flamingo. I mean, I got the nickname because I always wear pink, so, yeah, I’m a fan, too.

Now to your questions.

Yes, it is certainly true that men outnumber women in the state House and Senate. Current count is 93 males to 67 females. If there are any elected officeholders there who identify as nonbinary, they aren’t talking about it.

And, yes, you are correct that most members of the Florida Legislature are Republicans. Overwhelmingly so: 116-44.

There’s a reason for this. It’s called gerrymandering, and, if Gov. Ron DeSantis gets his way, more gerrymandering will be on the way. But I digress.

About this whole business of men avoiding pink: I did a little research, and I think that whole blue-is-for-boys and pink-is-for-girls thing is changing. That said, pink is associated with Breast Cancer Awareness Month, women’s rights, and LGBTQ+ causes, so, yeah, maybe some Republicans steer clear of the color for fear they could be misidentified as thoughtful.

But doesn’t everyone love flamingos?

For all practical purposes, it IS the state bird already. After all, it’s the symbol of the lottery, and what could say “Florida” more than a game for the mathematically impaired? It is the iconic bird of our great state.

When people think of Florida, do you really imagine that images of the northern mockingbird come to mind? Northern?? It’s enough to make a flamingo lover shed pink tears.

I mean, why do you think Florida’s abbreviation is FLA instead of FLO? Flamingo, of course.

And isn’t it what Florida was called before all the Spanish conquistadores arrived to share smallpox with the natives? That’s right! Flamingo is a rough translation of “Land of the One-Legged Pink Birds” in Calusa, said nobody ever (until now).

But, back on track, no, I don’t think the Legislature failed to change the state bird to the flamingo because of any sort of prejudice. In fact, it seemed to have widespread support in both political parties.

Not prejudice. Simply incompetence.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

Some time ago, you wrote a column addressing the question of matching shoes and holsters for Florida women who open-carry their pistols. I try to keep up with fashion trends. Any updates?

Packing in Pinellas

Dear Packing:

First off, I wrote that piece, tongue-in-beak, as a way to poke a little well-deserved sarcasm at the whole open-carry phenom in Florida.

Since I don’t own a gun, nor would I go around like Annie Oakley displaying it even if I did, I might not be the best person to consult on this. Also, there are some people—like the bartender pouring me a drink right now at the Hard Rock—who have accused me of being obsessed with the color pink, as we just discussed in the item above.

So, were I to pack heat, it would definitely have to be a pink holster with pink shoes. But the bigger question is: Does anyone make a pink sidearm?

I looked that up, and, as it turns out, there are several gun makers who do just that as a marketing ploy to get more women to buy guns. Kinda like making candy-flavored cigarettes to lure children into smoking, I suppose. Could marketers be more craven? Oh, sure. There are no boundaries when it comes to merchandising.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

Isn’t that a little cynical? Historically, hasn’t advertising, on balance, been a good thing?

Marlboro Man in Manatee

Dear Marlboro:

Hahahahahaha.

You mean like this?

Or this?

I’ll stop now. Bartender, pour me another….

Got a question for Miss Mingo? About life, the news, or clever ways to avoid paying bar tabs? Write to her at MissMingo@Tropic.Press

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Today, millions of Americans will take to the streets for the latest No Kings Day rally. You can find the one nearest to you here.

ASK THE BIRD: Alien Abduction Day is a little confusing. Please clarify

Sat, 21 Mar 2026 10:02:29 GMT

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DEAR MISS MINGO:

I heard on the Dave Elliott radio show yesterday that it was Alien Abduction Day. Does this refer to space aliens abducting innocent Earthlings or the activities of ICE agents abducting and incarcerating undocumented immigrants at concentration camps like Alligator Alcatraz? Or both?

Curious in Clewiston

Dear Curious:

Neither, although I can see how this would easily become confusing.

It actually refers to an incident that occurred over the skies of Roswell, New Mexico, in 1947 when American fighter aircraft shot down a flying saucer.

Of course, there was a huge cover-up, and the Pentagon claimed it was just a weather balloon (it’s always a weather balloon, right?).

But, in truth, a pair of space aliens were captured (abducted) and hauled off to a secret bunker at Wright Patterson Air Force Base in Dayton, Ohio, where, sources tell me, they are still alive today.

Interestingly, they love pasta, so I have to wonder if it is a coincidence that, in addition to Alien Abduction Day, it was also Ravioli Day.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

I see that Florida’s former attorney general — and now U.S. Attorney General — Pam Bondi has been subpoenaed to testify before the House Oversight Committee to defend herself over her failure to fully release the Epstein Files as required by a law passed by Congress and signed by Donald Trump. What happens if she refuses?

Legally Blonde in Bradenton

Dear Legally:

The last time Bondi showed up for a congressional hearing, she went Full Karen and was widely ridiculed. So, it wouldn’t surprise me if she snubbed this latest attempt to force the truth out of her.

The committee could move to hold her in contempt, which requires a full vote of the House of Representatives, although she could argue about the validity of the subpoena.

Another problem: A contempt charge against Bondi would be prosecuted by the Justice Department, which she heads, so the odds of that happening approach zero.

Congress could also file suit in federal court, but where that would lead seems murky as red tide.

Ultimately, she could be impeached, and articles of impeachment have been filed, but so far, haven’t gained any traction.

So, my answer, even though I am not an attorney, is that the consequences would be more political than legal. Her failure to show up would hand Democrats a wonderful gift. “What’s Pam Hiding?” I can see the memes now.

So, I’m personally hoping she gets all stubborn and petulant about it and falls into that trap.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

Full Karen? Isn’t that a little unfair to all the women out there who, through no fault of their own, were named Karen by their parents? And should the actual Karens of the world be entitled to sue their mothers and fathers for naming them that?

@ Real Karen in Clearwater

Dear Karen:

Hey, I didn’t invent the whole Karen-as-an-entitled-white-woman-throwing-her-priviledged-weight-around thing, so don’t blame (or sue) me.

Could a real Karen such as yourself sue your parents?

Of course.

But in so doing, I think you’d prove the point of the meme.

Think about that. If you can.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

OK. But can we change it to going Full Bondi?

@ Real Karen (again)

Dear Karen:

Works for me.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

Will you be attending one of the No Kings Day rallies on March 28? Just curious whether as a registered journalist, you are allowed to participate in such things.

Ethically Minded in Marathon

Dear Ethically Minded:

Were I a news reporter, like I was in the good old days, it would be considered unethical for me to be an active participant in any political activity like that. Reporters are entitled to their own feelings and can belong to political parties (although I never did) and vote (I certainly do), but are expected to conduct themselves objectively, showing no favoritism to any side in a political debate.

That said, I’m not a reporter anymore. I’m a columnist, and the editors at Tropic Press actually pay me to have an opinion.

So, yeah, you can count on it. In fact, just as soon as I finish typing this (and finishing my drink), I’m painting my sign.

See you there!

DEAR MISS MINGO:

In your first item today, you referred to the Dave Elliott show, a talk radio program in Southwest Florida. Wasn’t that just a shameless plug since your boss, J.C. Bruce, is on the show every Friday at 8:10 a.m.?

Radiohead in Reddington Beach

Dear Radiohead:

Totally a coincidence. Although, since you mention it, here’s a link for more information:

The Dave Elliott Show

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Coming Tomorrow:

The U.S. government took a half century to build a vaccination system that shielded children from deadly diseases. Its success depended on two fundamental pillars: parents trusting in vaccines and children having access to them. Both are now in peril, especially here in Florida. Coming Sunday: A special report from ProPublica.

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ASK THE BIRD: How does Trump figure we're winning when I can't afford to fill my gas tank?

J.C. Bruce — Sat, 14 Mar 2026 10:01:24 GMT

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DEAR MISS MINGO:

What did Trump mean when he said on TV that we are winning so much people are getting sick of winning? Unemployment is up. Job creation is down. The stock market is plummeting. I can’t afford to fill my car with gas now. His illegal tariffs are driving up the price of everything. And we’re at war. This doesn’t seem like winning to me.

Disturbed in Dunedin

Dear Disturbed:

You are referring, of course, to this oft-quoted diatribe from Dear Leader:

We are winning so much, that we really don't know what to do about it. People are asking me, ‘please, please, please Mr. President, we are winning too much, we can't take it anymore. We're not used to winning in our country.’

To fully understand this quote, you have to realize that Trump wasn’t talking about America.

When he said, “We’re not used to winning in our country,” he clearly couldn’t have been referring to the United States of America unless he’s completely delusional. America is the most successful country in the history of the world by almost any “winning” measure—as long as you’re not talking about health care or the Miami Dolphins.

What country, then?

Has to be Russia. Trump seems to be dedicating the bulk of his presidency to denying the Epstein files evidence and bailing out his boy crush Vladimir Putin.

Consider:

Trump’s grand plan to end the war in Ukraine, which is killing the Russian economy, was a proposed treaty that basically called for Ukraine’s surrender.

When that went over like a lead zeppelin, he started a war with Iran, which, predictably, resulted in a huge spike in oil prices. And then this week, he dropped the embargo on Russian oil, creating a huge financial windfall for Putin, which he can use to finance his war effort in Ukraine.

Who’s the winner? Gotta be Russia. Certainly not the United States with all the chaos and rising prices he’s created here at home.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

You’re sounding a little paranoid there, aren’t you? Suffering from Trump Derangement Syndrome are we?

John Barron in Palm Beach

Dear John:

It’s not paranoia when everywhere you turn, your government seems to be conspiring against you. It’s gotten so bad that I’m afraid to wear a surgical mask in crowded places for fear people will think I’m an ICE agent.

And there’s only one person on Earth suffering from TDS, and that’s DJT.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

Since you seem to have succumbed to conspiracy theories about government heavy-handedness, what are your thoughts about the Florida Legislature passing that bill making it harder for people to register to vote?

Cynical in Clearwater

Dear Cynical:

First off, the Florida Constitution already forbids anyone who is not a citizen from voting. And there is no meaningful voter fraud in Florida. In the last election, there were fewer than 200 questionable ballots cast out of the hundreds of thousands of votes. Even the sponsors of the legislation conceded that.

This is Jim Crow all over again.

Remember the bad old days of poll taxes?

Well, of course you don’t, you’re entirely too young. But there was a time when Southern racists charged a fee on Black people who wanted to vote. It was, perfectly obviously, a way to keep poor people away from the voting booth.

That’s all this new legislation is, another form of poll tax, this time wrapped around the guise of election integrity. Want to register to vote? Well, when this new law takes effect—thankfully not until after the midterm elections—you’ll need to show your papers.

Cue footage from World War II movies of German Gestapo demanding everyone on the street to cough up their IDs or head straight to the nearest concentration camp.

What kind of papers? Oh, things like birth certificates, passports—you know, the ordinary documents we all carry around with us.

Not.

It’s enough to drive a woman (who, thankfully, never married and changed her last name) to drink.

Which is where I’m off to now.

Have a great weekend. And register to vote while you still can.

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Time to take back our state

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ASK THE BIRD: Is it true the Legislature won't be banning vaccine mandates? Please say it's so

Sat, 07 Mar 2026 12:02:53 GMT

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DEAR MISS MINGO:

Is there any truth to a rumor I heard that the Florida House of Representatives has decided not to take up a bill that would drop vaccination requirements for school children even though it passed in the Senate? And isn’t this a win for science and sanity?

Relieved in Riverview

Dear Relieved:

We need to take our wins where we can find them, so yes. But there are a few caveats we should be aware of.

Here’s the situation:

Gov. Ron DeSantis and his surgeon general, Joe Ladapo, have made a big deal about “medical freedom” and how forcing kids to take life-saving shots is tantamount to “slavery.”

As if taking proven precautions to prevent another polio pandemic were a bad thing.

So, dutifully, Republicans in the Legislature introduced bills to make it easier for parents to exempt their school-age children from vaccine mandates.

Scientists, doctors, other health experts, and anyone with an ounce of gray matter between their ears screamed out in protest, but the state Senate rarely lets facts get in the way of pandering to the delusional MAGA and MAHA cults.

In the House, though, Speaker Daniel Perez has said the bill is dead this session. It hasn’t been moved out of committees and won’t be considered before this year’s regular session of the Legislature ends this month.

The fact that Florida now has the third-highest number of measles outbreaks in the country certainly didn’t make that decision more difficult. Measles is a highly infectious disease and is kind of like the canary in the coal mine when it comes to pandemics: First comes measles, then comes polio—that’s the thinking. It happens when people stop getting vaccinated and herd immunity is weakened.

So, it’s all good that this madness has been stopped in the House.

But this is the Florida Legislature, and this is politics, so never say never.

There is at least one special session of the Legislature planned for later to redraw the boundaries of congressional districts to help Republican candidates, and this session could be extended or another special session added to finish working on the budget. The point being that anything can — and often does — happen whenever the Legislature is meeting.

So, to quote the immortal words that Thomas Jefferson should have said: “Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty.”

DEAR MISS MINGO:

What do you mean by “should have said?” You mean Thomas Jefferson never actually said those words? That’s not what I learned in school.

Troubled in Tallahassee

Dear Troubled:

Yeah, that quote is frequently attributed to Jefferson, and he did, indeed, say many clever things. But not that.

According to historians, there are several people who did say it, though, notably the liberal activist and abolitionist Wendell Phillips speaking to the Massachusetts Anti-Slavery Society in 1852, to wit:

“Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty; power is ever stealing from the many to the few…”

Even Jefferson, ever modest, declined to take credit. As he posted on Facebook:

DEAR MISS MINGO:

Oh, come on. You’re just being silly. We all know Facebook wasn’t around when Jefferson was alive. You’re just testing us, trying to make sure we’re paying attention, admit it.

Cynical in Clearwater.

Dear Cynical:

Well, you caught me. As Abraham Lincoln once said:

DEAR MISS MINGO:

I just heard on the Dave Elliot radio show that Waffle House has banned James Fishback, one of the Republicans running for governor. What’s that about?

Laughing in Largo

Dear Laughing:

Yes, Fishback has posted on Twitter, the social media site that is currently — and ridiculously — calling itself “X,” that he had a deal to visit every Waffle House in Florida as part of his campaign. But they backed out.

We’ve only heard his side of the story as this was written, so details on what prompted Waffle House to change its mind are unclear.

Clever idea, though, on Fishback’s part. It reminded me of how “Walkin’ Lawton” Chiles in 1970 literally traveled the state on foot during his U.S. Senate campaign from Pensacola to Key Largo—a whopping 1,033 miles.

And it worked. He won.

I thought the Waffle House idea was brilliant. But I get why the restaurant chain might have second thoughts about it. Who in their right mind wants to get tangled up in that? Next thing you know, every politician in the state with their hordes of supporters would be showing up at Waffle Houses. How would they ever keep enough batter in stock?

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Meet J.C. Bruce in Fort Myers

The annual Southwest Florida Reading Festival is today, and Tropic Press founder and author J.C. Bruce will be there autographing copies of the books in his Strange Files series of mysterious adventures, most of them set right here in the Gunshine State. If you’re in the neighborhood, stop by.

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ASK THE BIRD: Will the Veggie Libel Law make it hard to insult the White House Orange Man?

Sat, 28 Feb 2026 12:00:57 GMT

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DEAR MISS MINGO:

I have heard that there is a move afoot to insert $2 million of funding into the Florida “veggie libel” bill for the Florida Department of Agriculture and Consumer Services. The purpose of this funding is to develop a new citrus product to be known as the “Trump Orange.” The sole criterion for the development of this orange is that its fruit color must match that of the president’s skin tone. There are no other qualities to be specified for the fruit. Indeed, the funding statement even states specifically that brown discolorations from various diseases will not disqualify this product from commercialization.

I am wondering if this proposal is meant to make it illegal to mock the president’s skin color by permitting prosecution of those who would do so using the provisions of the “veggie libel” bill.

Thank you for your wisdom.

William

Dear William:

This reminds me of the spelling bee contestant who, when asked to spell “orange,” asked whether it was the fruit or the color.

In this case, both.

The color orange is very much associated with Trump, as in nicknames such as Orange-a-Lago, the Orange Menace, the Orange Oligarch, and the Orange Trouser Stain.

But, of course, orange coloration is not restricted to that particular fruit or vegetable. There’s the Tangerine Tantrum, the Mango Mussolini, the Pumpkin Populist, and so forth.

Wait! Or mangos orange? Well, never let facts get in the way of a good joke.

But, yes, if that amendment passes, any insult to Trump’s orange skin could fall under the jurisdiction of the state’s Veggie Libel Law, and perpetrators could be sued for billions of dollars.

Even more frightening, another bill before the Legislature would create a new anti-terrorism unit in the Florida Department of Law Enforcement charged with tracking down anyone whose words are viewed as “a threat or are inimical to the interests of this state.”

And who gets to decide who Florida’s new Thought Police would prosecute? Were it a reality today, that would be the current attorney general, not elected by the people but appointed by Gov. Ron DeSantis, who has shown no hesitancy in doing whatever his dear leader Trump demands.

Sleep well.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

Hey! I like the idea of having all our airports named “The Current Occupant of the White House International Airport.” We pay low, mass produced prices for hundreds of airport signs and never have to replace them.

Dear KJ:

Yes! Florida Phoenix columnist Diane Roberts used that line in a recent column, and it was brilliant.

Renaming the Palm Beach International Airport in Trump’s honor is estimated to cost $5 million that otherwise could have been spent on—oh, I don’t know—the welfare of the state’s citizens? Just a thought.

Should the Democrats regain control of Congress, which seems likely after the midterm elections, would they insist on legislation reversing all these sycophantic Trump renamings around the country? And, if so, would that cost us yet another $5 million to reverse the damage?

This idea would fix that costly crisis. On the other hand, I kinda fancy the idea of renaming the airport the John F. Kennedy Memorial International Airport just to stick it to the Orange Mango Menace.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

In last week’s column, you mentioned you were writing while sitting at the outdoor bar at the Hard Rock Cafe on Duval Street. Then I noticed this week in one of Ted Lund’s reports from Key West that it’s going to be closed down. Is it possible yours will have been the last Cuba Libre ordered there?

Misty from Marathon

Dear Misty:

I did notice that business seemed a little slow at the Hard Rock while bars right across Duval were hopping. I will miss the place. It was always a great spot to hang out during Fantasy Fest to watch the parade.

So, who will, indeed, be the last person to order a Cuba Libre before they turn out the lights?

I shall make that my quest!

Oh, by the way, if you look closely at the photograph that ran with Ted Lund’s story on this, you can just barely see me at the bar!

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ASK THE BIRD: Is it Gubernor DeSantis or merely Guber DeSantis? What style should we use?

Sat, 21 Feb 2026 11:03:02 GMT

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DEAR MISS MINGO:

Why is a person running for governor called a gubernatorial candidate? Shouldn’t they be called a governornatorial candidate? OK, maybe that sounds a little weird, now that I’ve said it. Maybe we should just refer to governors as gubernors? That would certainly simplify things. Here in Florida, we have a history of electing gubers. What do you think?

Bewildered in Bradenton,

Jack

Dear Jack:

I have long wondered the same thing, and it certainly is true that we have a history of electing gubers here in Florida, although I believed, until a moment ago, that the correct spelling was goober.

But I decided to check, and this is what I learned while sipping a delicious Cuba Libre at the Hard Rock Cafe’s outdoor bar on Duval Street. (Normally I do my typing indoors, but it’s a pretty day and Irish Kevin’s is so loud and crowded today with the cruise ship tourists, I couldn’t hear myself think in there.)

If you look up the word “goober,” you’ll see that among the definitions available online is “an unsophisticated goofy person,” which absolutely fits many of our elected leaders here in the open-carry Gunshine State.

I also learned to my surprise that there is, in fact, a standalone word “guber.” It’s pronounced just like goober, and it was coined in Nigeria.

Here’s the story:

While “gubernatorial” is an American term, Nigerian headline writers invented the shortened form “guber,” which has migrated into common everyday political discourse in Nigeria, as in “Joe Below Zero is running for guber.” And in 2020, the Oxford English Dictionary began including it as well as several other Nigerian English words.

So, the word “guber” may be an invasive term, but it seems it is here to stay, just like all those annoying frozen green iguanas falling out of the palm trees.

So, back to your original point:

My reading of this is that it would be mangling Nigerian (and now Oxford) English to use the expression Gubernor DeSantis. The correct form would be Guber DeSantis. And I suppose the abbreviated form would be Gub. DeSantis.

I rather like that, and I believe I will now adopt it as an entry in my personal, official style book. As you can see, I even talked our headline writer at Tropic Press to use it on this column.

Thanks!

DEAR MISS MINGO:

I read that President tRump is trademarking his name and initials so that when they rename the Palm Beach County airport for him, he can get a cut of the action at all the trinket shops.

Is there a word for this kind of crass, lowlife, snake-oilish behavior?

Disgusted (formerly from) Dunedin,

Ron

Dear Gub:

This seems like a day for hitting the dictionary. My first impulse was the word “cheesy,” but that seems inadequate as it merely means “cheap, unpleasant and blatantly inauthentic.”

Since any merch bearing trademarked Trump naming rights would, by definition, be an “authentic Trump tchotchke,” cheesy may not be the right word we’re looking for here.

Other words that come to mind could include, but not limited to:

Unseemly.

Tacky.

Tawdry.

Vulgar.

Schlocky.

Unbecoming.

Crass.

Opportunistic.

Shameless.

Embarrassing.

I could go on, but feel free to add your own in the comments below.

Leave a comment

DEAR MISS MINGO:

That previous question? Was that really who I think it was from?

Amazed in Alachua

Dear Amazed:

What, you think I make this stuff up?

DEAR MISS MINGO:

I heard a rumor that once the State Legislature eliminates the use of property taxes to fund police departments in the state that, maybe, Kristi Noem will send ICE agents down here to enforce law and order. Any truth to this?

Troubled in Temple Terrace,

Pam

Dear Pam:

Don’t be silly. ICE agents are not trained to keep the peace. Their job is to create so much chaos that Donald Trump can declare martial law and eliminate the midterm elections because he knows if the Democrats take over the House and Senate, his next stop is Alligator Alcatraz.

Got a question for Miss Mingo? About life, the news, or clever ways to avoid paying bar tabs? Write to her at MissMingo@Tropic.Press

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Note to readers: The Tropic Press Store is now open, but I have been testing merchandise with the various vendors and I am not yet satisfied with the quality of the Miss Mingo tee shirts. I know many of you have been waiting for the store to open, but please bear with me as I work through this. Thanks. Oh, the coffee mugs, though, are the bomb.

J.C. Bruce

ASK THE BIRD: How'd the Border Patrol know the balloon it shot down wasn't full of nerve gas?

Sat, 14 Feb 2026 12:02:21 GMT

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DEAR MISS MINGO:

I’m confused about those lasers the Border Patrol used in El Paso to shoot down that party balloon that drifted across the Rio Grande into Texas. Was it really worth shutting down the airport there and disrupting all those flights? Did the government think it was full of nerve gas or something?

Chilling in Cape Canaveral

Dear Chilling:

Let me deflate one of your questions first. No, there was no nerve gas involved. How do we know this? Because nerve gases such as Tabun, Sarin and VX are heavier than air, and a balloon inflated with them would not rise in the atmosphere and into the sights of our highly trained laser operatives.

No, they know that a party balloon flitting about the sky has to be inflated with lighter-than-air helium.

If so, why did they shoot it down?

That is subject to some speculation. One theory goes that the Border Patrol agents manning the laser are by nature party poopers and they see their mission as ensuring that nobody anywhere at any moment is having a fun time.

It is also possible that the Border Patrol has not yet been trained to distinguish the radar signature of a child’s balloon from, say, a stealth bomber. That does seem a little concerning, no?

But there is a much larger issue.

Why are we using ground-based energy weapons along our southern border in the first place when we know, because former U.S. Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene told us, that we have platoons of orbiting lasers in space?

Sure, they were shot into orbit by Jewish financiers, but haven’t we since taken them over to prevent them from being used to set more forest fires along our West Coast?

In that case, why not point them down and blast those pesky balloons before they can even reach the city limits of El Paso?

There are a couple of problems, according to a well-placed source at the Pentagon (Pete Hegseth’s bartender):

First off, even if the space laser is in geosynchronous orbit 22,000 miles above the Earth and not darting around the planet like low-Earth satellites, it’s still tough to hit a balloon erratically bobbing in the breeze. Sure, lasers shoot at the speed of light, but there’s a 120 millisecond lag at that distance, and that’s enough to make hitting a small moving target challenging.

Also — and this is clearly only a minor concern for Border Patrol agents — there might be a kid under the balloon.

Which is why shooting lasers upwards into the sky is better than shooting down toward the Earth’s surface. Unless you miss and hit the aforementioned Jewish space laser, which could launch World War III when Skynet thinks it’s being attacked.

I hope this clears up your anxiety and concerns.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

Key up the old Nancy Sinatra song, “These Boots Were Made for Walking”, as that is what I heard in my head with the picture of Ron DeSantis in those white boots. I think you missed one transformation: starting/volunteering Alligator Alcatraz to gain Trump’s notice so the Justice Department would not investigate his improper transfer of Medicare funds …

Thanks!

Kirk

Dear Kirk:

You are, of course, referring to my earlier column: If Ron DeSantis were a real Transformer, who would he be? And the fund transfers were when millions of dollars from a Medicaid overcharge settlement that were rerouted to help pay for campaigns opposing a pair of citizen ballot initiatives, one regarding the legalization of cannabis and the other to overturn the state’s onerous six-week abortion ban.

And, yes, my sources tell me (different sources from Pete Hegseth’s bartender) that a state grand jury looking into all that is the least of the governor’s problems. Apparently, Nancy Sinatra is preparing to sue him for giving go-go boots a bad name and, thus, diluting her brand.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

Since DeSantis is stepping down as governor because, thankfully, term limits, I wonder if he could appoint himself Pope of Florida? The various pope hats might attract Ron to the position as they would offer him that extra height he has been seeking.

MPT

Dear MPT:

There have been a lot of rumors and jokes about our governor’s elevator boots, although he swears he doesn’t wear lifts and that Bootgate is a hoax. He says he is actually five feet eleven inches tall, although some say his actual elevation is more likely in the five-foot-eight-inch to five-foot-nine-inch range.

In any event. a Pope’s mitre would certainly add to his vertical profile.

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Parting Shot

More online

Thank you for reading today’s Miss Mingo column. You can catch up with previous installments and our weekday newsletter at the Tropic Press website where you will also find occasional guest commentaries, and information about The Strange Files series of mysterious adventures and other books.

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ASK THE BIRD: Is Melania Trump's movie so bad people are downloading Michelle Obama's film to purge their souls?

Sat, 07 Feb 2026 12:02:32 GMT

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DEAR MISS MINGO:

Is it true that the new movie, Melania, is the worst film ever made? I hear critics calling it nothing more than a propaganda piece, and that watching it was a “living hell,” causing some people to lose their will to live. I also heard it got just a 6 percent Rotten Tomatoes score. Could it really be all that terrible?

Movie Fan in Manatee

Dear Movie:

Here’s what Slate had to say about how narcissistically insipid it is:

Melania Trump’s relative scarcity from her husband’s second term has not gone unnoticed. The first lady had an implicit excuse for her absence though: She’s been busy working on other things, like the documentary she was making, for which Amazon paid her (an insane) $40 million. She couldn’t possibly be expected to serve as first lady in the traditional sense, because she was dedicating all her time to playing the first lady in a movie, a movie that tells the story of a first lady who is bravely making a movie about herself.

All of which has made people long for the good old days when Michelle Obama was the First Lady, which explains why her 2020 Netflix documentary, Becoming, is now enjoying a major resurgence in popularity with a—get this!—13,000 percent increase in viewership so far this month.

Now, I should note that I am not a film critic, but I do have doubts it can be the very worst film ever made. I think that standard was set by Plan 9 From Outer Space by Ed Wood, but I’m willing to be corrected if I’m mistaken.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

Since the Constitution contains the “Guarantee of Separation of Church and State,” why is Christmas, a decidedly Christian holiday, a federal holiday?

Don Squire

Dear Don:

Thanks for this question. It arises in response to a story published in Tropic Press last week, the headline of which read:

Florida public schools and religion are increasingly entwined and moving further in that direction.

A few years ago, a federal judge in Ohio—Susan Dlott—was asked the same question in a lawsuit challenging the legitimacy of Christmas as a federal holiday. This was her actual, I kid you not, court ruling, written in verse, which I think you will agree settles the issue: