ASK THE BIRD: Are the seashells rising up in protest all on their own?

Got a question? Ask Miss Mingo. She's got answers. Some may even be true. She writes every Saturday for Tropic Press.

Editor’s Note: We take a break from hard news every Saturday morning to let Hermina Hermelinda Obregon, a.k.a. Miss Mingo, share her insights with readers. She’s a recovering newspaper reporter living in a bungalow off Duval Street in Key West, where she answers the pressing questions of the day about life, the news, and the best happy hour prices. You can support her bar tab by becoming a paid subscriber.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

Ever since former FBI director James Comey was indicted, I have been concerned about my seashell collection and fearful that federal agents may be breaking down my patio door at any moment.

It’s the weirdest thing, kinda like the way hoses and ropes manage to get tangled all by themselves, my shells have—all on their own, I swear—started spelling things where I have them laid out on my poolside table.

Here’s a picture I took just this morning:

I am now concerned that my seashells may be possessed and are doing this just to get me in trouble. So, here’s my question:

Do seashells get mad at us when we collect them from the beach? And could this be their revenge?

Creeped Out in Coral Gables

Dear Creeped:

Just because you may possess seashells, that does not mean they are possessed. Two different things.

However, it has been my experience that if the shells still contain their critters, those mollusks may try to escape, and I suppose it is within the realm of the possible that given an infinite number of mollusks over an infinite period of time, they might spell out something.

For instance, just the other day, when I was in Palm Beach, I saw some conchs on the beach near Mar-a-Lago crawling around, and for a brief moment, I thought I noticed a pattern. Here’s a picture I shot with my iPhone:

DEAR MISS MINGO:

I truly can’t believe the Dumpster Fire administration is going to court over seashell art.....I mean it generally sucks, but it’s not sedition. I feel it deserves a little tongue twister:

She sells seashells by the seashore,

but Comey’s shells made forty-seven sore.

8-6, 4-7 scratched in the sand one fine day,

and the big baby cried till his hair turned gray.

Seashells! Sedition! The tantrum was grand,

the most powerful man... can’t stand the hot sand.

He bellowed and bawled and bleated and stewed …

while Comey just walked and enjoyed the view.

So, she sells seashells by the seashore still,

and 47’s lawyers are trying again until

some judge takes a look at this whole sorry case

and tosses the shells right back in his face.

Petty in Pinellas

Dear Petty:

Further evidence that some of the most creative writing here on Tropic Press comes from our readers. Thanks.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

So, the Florida legislature has gerrymandered the hell out of the state’s congressional districts, and the U.S. Supreme Court just shot the Voting Rights Act in the head. What does that mean for the upcoming midterm elections?

Apoplectic in Apalachicola

Dear Apoplectic:

Nothing good.

The decision in Tallahassee was bad enough, but now the Roberts Court has decided that any protections minorities had against being excluded from equal representation in Congress is out the window.

If you draw political boundaries that allow Blacks to have a voice, then you are automatically discriminating against poor, beleaguered white people. Or so the court seems to be reasoning, which is exactly what Gov. Ron DeSantis argued the other day, too.

Maybe they’re all possessed. By something. Racism, maybe?

Got a question for Miss Mingo? About life, the news, or clever ways to avoid paying bar tabs? Write to her at MissMingo@Tropic.Press

Hermina Hermelinda Obregon—a.k.a. Miss Mingo—was an award-winning newspaper reporter before she involuntarily joined the diaspora of journalists leaving the newspaper profession. She now lives with her two cats—Deadline and Dateline—and her pet iguana Skippy. If you wander the streets (and bars) of Key West, you’ll doubtless run into her. She’ll be the woman wearing the ridiculous flamingo hat. If you want an autograph, you’ll have to buy her a Cuba Libre. There’s more about her here.

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