Editor’s Note: Every Saturday morning, we take a break from hard news to let Hermina Hermelinda Obregon, a.k.a. Miss Mingo, share her insights with readers. She’s a recovering newspaper reporter living in a bungalow off Duval Street in Key West. At least that’s what her official biography says, if you can believe that. She answers the day’s pressing questions about life, the news, and the best happy hour prices.
DEAR MISS MINGO:
What were the results of the Tropic Press survey yesterday on whether Trump’s next press secretary should also be a blonde whose first name starts with the letter K? It does seem like a trend.
I’m wondering because I’m also blonde, and I know the difference between the president and my husband (my boo does NOT look like Jabba the Hutt), so that means I’m even more qualified than Katie. Always looking for a new gig even if it only lasts 14 minutes like hers. I assume she gets a pension and everything, right?
Katrina in Kissimmee
Dear Katrina:
Here are the survey results. Looks like being blonde is a popular choice, but you might consider calling yourself “Kitty” or “Karen” to get an edge on the competition. And, no, I looked it up, and you actually have to be on the job for “five years of creditable civilian service” to qualify for the federal pension system. Although, I’m not sure if working for Trump for any length of time can be considered “creditable.”
DEAR MISS MINGO:
I heard a rumor that Scott Jennings was in line to get Katie Zacharia’s job. But that would break the blonde-and-K streak. Can this be true?
Karrie in Key West
Dear Karrie:
Scott Jennings was seen entering the White House Friday shortly before Trump fired Katie. That’s where the rumor started. It was also fueled by his new hairdo.
DEAR MISS MINGO:
In a normal organization, a blowout like Katie Zacharia’s could be a career-ender for whoever hired her. Isn’t there somebody in the White House in charge of vetting job candidates?
Dumbstruck in Dunedin
Dear Dumbstruck:
I don’t know, but I want that job! Apparently the only qualification is that you’d have to stay drunk and say “yes” to whatever Numbskull walks in the door. How else to explain Kash Patel or Kimberly Guilfoyle or Pete Hegseth or Pam Bondi or Kristi Noem, or … well, you get the idea.
DEAR MISS MINGO:
I know you aren’t responsible for this, but there seems to have been a glaring oversight in the coverage of Katie Zacharia’s firing. How come the story about short-term White House press secretaries didn’t mention Anthony Scaramucci? Didn’t he only last 10 days? I know, that’s longer than Katie, but not by much. Why was he not mentioned?
Kristine in Kendall
Dear Kristine:
The Mooch wasn’t mentioned because he was never a press secretary. He served as White House Communications Director for less than two weeks at the start of Trump’s first term before he was fired.
Press Secretary and Communications Director are different jobs. The Communications Director “sets the long-term strategic messaging and overall media campaign for the president,” according to the never-wrong internet. The Press Secretary works for a living.
DEAR MISS MINGO:
How about the next Press Secretary name of Kaybeden? It fits like a glove. It's Turkish for LOSER. Look it up! Ha!
Ray Sullivan MD (from the Comments section)
Dear Ray:
I did, and you’re right. Although I might make a friendly amendment and spell it slightly differently: KayBiden. I’m sure that would go over well with Jabba Trump.
DEAR MISS MINGO:
The last three press secretaries’ names started with K, and they were all blonde. But the first three started with “S” and had darker hair!
De’Nicea Hilton Harper
ALSO
The first three were all brunettes starting with “S”.
Perhaps Pink hair and “G” (Gonzo etc.)
Tom Abelmann
Dear De’Nicea and Tom:
Oh, wow. My editor shared the notes you sent him, and you are so right. It was right there. In front of all of us. How did I miss that?
Well, maybe press secretaries come in threes?
First the dark-haired S people. Then the blonde K people. And as Tom suggests, the pink-haired “G” people. What would come next?
Let me know your thoughts.
Got a question for Miss Mingo? About life, the news, or clever ways to avoid paying bar tabs? Write to her at MissMingo@Tropic.Press
Want to know more about Miss Mingo? How she got her start? And whether she really lives with two cats—Deadline and Dateline—and a pet iguana named Skippy? You can find her official biography, such as it is, here. If you’re bar-hopping on Duval Street in Key West and spot an intriguing woman in a pink hat you suspect might be Miss Mingo, you can always offer to buy her a Cuba Libre. Will it actually be her? Is there an actual her? Life’s a mystery.
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Editor’s Note:
Congratulations to Miss Mingo, who recently won the Florida Society of Professional Journalists’ Sunshine State Award for Best Blog and Newsletter.
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Please don’t mix Biden’s name with the sludge mounting in the current national administration.
How about a series of bald press secretaries? Continues the brunette then blonde conundrum, and hairless perfectly parallels spineless and clueless.