Editor’s Note: We take a break from hard news every Saturday morning to let Hermina Hermelinda Obregon, a.k.a. Miss Mingo, share her insights with readers. She’s a recovering newspaper reporter living in a bungalow off Duval Street in Key West. At least that’s what her official biography says, if you can believe that. She answers the pressing questions of the day about life, the news, and the best happy hour prices.
DEAR MISS MINGO:
Why hasn’t anyone – in the media or out – recognized that during the Biden term, the number 8646 was being actively merchandised but nobody was prosecuted? Bing search. Still today.
William E “Bill” Thompson
Dear Bill:
You mean like these ads I just pulled off Amazon:
And, yes, as far as I know, nobody is going to prison for this. We have this thing called the First Amendment here in the United States, which protects freedom of expression. So, why is Trump’s Justice Department prosecuting former FBI Director James B. Comey for arranging these seashells on the sand?
Because Trump hates him for other reasons and he’s abusing the power of his office to turn the Justice Department into his personal revenge machine—you know, the kind of stuff dictators do all the time.
Which is why we absolutely need to 8647. Through impeachment.
And it’s why you can go on the very same Amazon and get your own 8647 hats and tee shirts right now if you want. And, as far as I know, nobody’s going to jail for selling them. And they are being merchandised on a website owned by Trump’s good buddy Jeff Bezos.
Astonishingly, Comey is still facing the trumped-up charges that he was trying to encourage a hit on the commander-in-chief. It is a national disgrace.
Really, as my Uncle Meyer used to say, it’s enough to make a bird take to drinking.
DEAR MISS MINGO:
I have a question about Natalie Harp. You know, the blonde that Georgia Sen. Jon Ossoff said about her and Trump:
"He doesn't want to do the job. He wants to build his ballroom and travel with Natalie on their apparently defenseless flying palace gifted by the Emir of Qatar."
They call her the Human Printer because as she stalks Trump, she’s all the time running off favorable news items to shove in his face to keep his ego puffed up.
Here’s my question: What kind of printer does she use?
Techno in Tallahassee
Dear Techno:
According to Gizmodo, it’s an Epson WorkForce WF-10 Wireless Mobile Printer. It goes for about $350. On Amazon. Same site that sells the 8647 tee shirts.
DEAR MISS MINGO:
Actually, using rubbing alcohol for deodorant does seem to be a likely habit for RFK Jr. I can only imagine the intense stinging that results from its application. He likely enjoys (it) then the resulting high from licking it off… I anxiously await the video!
I wouldn’t blame this on his unfortunate brain worm, which might have died from starvation, but also could have simply been horrified at the surroundings and committed suicide.
Although the amount of sick humor is somewhat entertaining, it will be a great relief when the Republicans and their venomous hatred have gone the way of the worm.
Me again!
Dear Me Again!
I remember you. You’re the one who asked last week’s question about whether the rumors were true that RFK Jr., in fact, advocated using Isopropyl alcohol as a deodorant. Just for the record, in case anyone reading this missed my answer: No, that isn’t true. On the other hand, he did confess to snorting cocaine off toilet seats.
DEAR MISS MINGO:
It is a well-known fact that alcohol kills the microbes that cause underarm odor. And it doesn’t smell after a minute or two after application. Tried it on a horse camping trip after the vet leading it suggested it. It works.
Chris Ashley
Dear Chris:
Yep. Definitely kills germs, which, in addition to causing infections, can also lead to body odor. I’m not here to judge, just to set the record straight.
DEAR MISS MINGO:
You mentioned your Uncle Meyer earlier in the column. Is this the same Meyer who used to be Travis McGee’s best friend? I may be losing it, but I seem to recall you having mentioned that before.
Doc F.
Dear Doc:
Yes. And I did recount that in an earlier column in response to a comment from a reader. You can see it here.
Got a question for Miss Mingo? About life, the news, or multi-dimensional realities? Write to her at MissMingo@Tropic.Press.
Want to know more about Miss Mingo? How she got her start? And whether she really lives with two cats—Deadline and Dateline—and a pet iguana named Skippy? You can find her official biography, such as it is, here. If you’re bar hopping on Duval Street in Key West and spot an intriguing woman in a pink hat that you suspect might be Miss Mingo, you can always offer to buy her a Cuba Libre. Will it actually be her? Is there an actual her? Life’s a mystery.
AND now, some shameless advertising…
DUE TO POPULAR DEMAND, the official Tropic Press Store is now open and ready for business. You can order your very own Miss Mingo merch online. All sales are final. Check out the store here:
And when your shirt arrives, take a selfie and email it to Miss Mingo to be included in her column.
Thanks for another thoroughly enjoyable edition of Tropic Press.