ASK THE BIRD: How does Trump figure we're winning when I can't afford to fill my gas tank?

Got a question? Ask Miss Mingo. She's got answers. She writes every Saturday for Tropic Press.

Editor’s Note: We take a break from hard news every Saturday morning to let Hermina Hermelinda Obregon, a.k.a. Miss Mingo, share her insights with readers. She’s a recovering newspaper reporter living in a bungalow off Duval Street in Key West, where she answers the pressing questions of the day about life, the news, and the best happy hour prices. You can support her bar tab by becoming a paid subscriber.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

What did Trump mean when he said on TV that we are winning so much people are getting sick of winning? Unemployment is up. Job creation is down. The stock market is plummeting. I can’t afford to fill my car with gas now. His illegal tariffs are driving up the price of everything. And we’re at war. This doesn’t seem like winning to me.

Disturbed in Dunedin

Dear Disturbed:

You are referring, of course, to this oft-quoted diatribe from Dear Leader:

We are winning so much, that we really don't know what to do about it. People are asking me, ‘please, please, please Mr. President, we are winning too much, we can't take it anymore. We're not used to winning in our country.’

To fully understand this quote, you have to realize that Trump wasn’t talking about America.

When he said, “We’re not used to winning in our country,” he clearly couldn’t have been referring to the United States of America unless he’s completely delusional. America is the most successful country in the history of the world by almost any “winning” measure—as long as you’re not talking about health care or the Miami Dolphins.

What country, then?

Has to be Russia. Trump seems to be dedicating the bulk of his presidency to denying the Epstein files evidence and bailing out his boy crush Vladimir Putin.

Consider:

Trump’s grand plan to end the war in Ukraine, which is killing the Russian economy, was a proposed treaty that basically called for Ukraine’s surrender.

When that went over like a lead zeppelin, he started a war with Iran, which, predictably, resulted in a huge spike in oil prices. And then this week, he dropped the embargo on Russian oil, creating a huge financial windfall for Putin, which he can use to finance his war effort in Ukraine.

Who’s the winner? Gotta be Russia. Certainly not the United States with all the chaos and rising prices he’s created here at home.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

You’re sounding a little paranoid there, aren’t you? Suffering from Trump Derangement Syndrome are we?

John Barron in Palm Beach

Dear John:

It’s not paranoia when everywhere you turn, your government seems to be conspiring against you. It’s gotten so bad that I’m afraid to wear a surgical mask in crowded places for fear people will think I’m an ICE agent.

And there’s only one person on Earth suffering from TDS, and that’s DJT.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

Since you seem to have succumbed to conspiracy theories about government heavy-handedness, what are your thoughts about the Florida Legislature passing that bill making it harder for people to register to vote?

Cynical in Clearwater

Dear Cynical:

First off, the Florida Constitution already forbids anyone who is not a citizen from voting. And there is no meaningful voter fraud in Florida. In the last election, there were fewer than 200 questionable ballots cast out of the hundreds of thousands of votes. Even the sponsors of the legislation conceded that.

This is Jim Crow all over again.

Remember the bad old days of poll taxes?

Well, of course you don’t, you’re entirely too young. But there was a time when Southern racists charged a fee on Black people who wanted to vote. It was, perfectly obviously, a way to keep poor people away from the voting booth.

That’s all this new legislation is, another form of poll tax, this time wrapped around the guise of election integrity. Want to register to vote? Well, when this new law takes effect—thankfully not until after the midterm elections—you’ll need to show your papers.

Cue footage from World War II movies of German Gestapo demanding everyone on the street to cough up their IDs or head straight to the nearest concentration camp.

What kind of papers? Oh, things like birth certificates, passports—you know, the ordinary documents we all carry around with us.

Not.

It’s enough to drive a woman (who, thankfully, never married and changed her last name) to drink.

Which is where I’m off to now.

Have a great weekend. And register to vote while you still can.

Got a question for Miss Mingo? About life, the news, or clever ways to avoid paying bar tabs? Write to her at MissMingo@Tropic.Press

Hermina Hermelinda Obregon—a.k.a. Miss Mingo—was an award-winning newspaper reporter before she involuntarily joined the diaspora of journalists leaving the newspaper profession. She now lives with her two cats—Deadline and Dateline—and her pet iguana Skippy. If you wander the streets (and bars) of Key West, you’ll doubtless run into her. She’ll be the woman wearing the ridiculous flamingo hat. If you want an autograph, you’ll have to buy her a Cuba Libre. There’s more about her here.

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Time to take back our state

The upcoming midterm elections provide a generational opportunity to change the complexion of Florida’s political makeup. But for that to happen, Republican incumbents in the Legislature must face Democrats on the ballot. Currently, there are far too many seats where Republicans stand to run unopposed. Here’s how we can fix that: