ASK THE BIRD: How is it that Florida is in first place in books, and can you settle a bar tab by doing a Go Fund Me?

Got a question? Ask Miss Mingo. She's got answers. Some may be accurate.

Editor’s Note: Hermina Hermelinda Obregon, a.k.a. Miss Mingo, is a recovering newspaper reporter living in a bungalow off Duval Street in Key West, where she answers the pressing questions of the day about the news, life, the universe, and the best happy hour prices.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

I just heard some wonderful news about Florida. It seems we’re Number One in the country, something to do with books. Can you tell us more?

Reading in Raiford

Dear Reading:

We’re Number One, alright, but not in a good way. For the third year in a row, Florida was ranked first in the nation for censorship, specifically book banning in schools.

This dubious distinction comes from PEN America, an outfit devoted to freedom of expression. In a report entitled “The Normalization of Book Banning,” they said:

In 2025, book censorship in the United States is rampant and common. Never before in the life of any living American have so many books been systematically removed from school libraries across the country. Never before have so many states passed laws or regulations to facilitate the banning of books, including bans on specific titles statewide. Never before have so many politicians sought to bully school leaders into censoring according to their ideological preferences, even threatening public funding to exact compliance. Never before has access to so many stories been stolen from so many children.

Of 6,870 instances of books being banned in public school libraries around the country, Florida led the pack with 2,304 for the 2024-2025 school year.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

Usually, you’re kind of funny. This week’s column seems to have gotten off on a very somber start. Are you having a bad day?

Concerned in Clearwater

Dear Concerned:

Thanks for your concern. Yes. There’s nothing funny about censorship. It makes me grouchy. I’m a writer by trade. I take this as a direct assault on my livelihood on top of the general principle that in a free country the government should keep its nose out of what people want to read and say and write.

Also, I just got a notice from my health insurance company that says my rates may be going up because Republicans have stripped away funding from Obamacare. Every dollar extra I have to put into insurance is less I have available to pay off my overdue bar tabs around town, and the thought of being banned at Durty Harry’s makes me sad.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

Maybe you should do a GoFundMe or something. Pay off your saloon debts and then, you know, dry out or something.

Sober in Sebring

Dear Sober:

I got a laugh out of that. What an absurd idea! A GoFundMe for a bar tab? But, just for grins and giggles, I asked the never-wrong internet if that was even a thing, and I was shocked by the results. Here’s what I learned:

Yes, you can create a GoFundMe to pay off a bar tab. GoFundMe is a flexible platform that is not limited to emergencies and is often used for non-essential expenses and celebrations.

In fact, previous GoFundMe campaigns have successfully raised money for bar tabs, such as for a wedding, a birthday party, and a graduation.

However, I ran this past my editor at Tropic Press, and after a choking fit, he managed to cough out the words: “Absolutely not!” So, that’s a non-starter.

As for drying out, are you kidding? Why do you think I live off Duval Street? You can’t throw a newspaper fifteen feet without hitting a bar. That’s why I love it here.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

Have you had any of your own books banned?

Worried in Wauchula

Dear Worried:

No. That would require me to actually write a book, something I have never dared to attempt. Unlike my boss at Tropic Press, who has written six that he always pimps at the bottom of his columns here on Substack (and probably at the bottom of this one, too, for all I know, as I sit here in Irish Kevin’s tapping this out on my iPad.)

I called him and asked if any of his books had been banned yet. Here’s his response:

Sadly, no. Getting your book banned by fascists is great publicity and always results in bigger book sales. Next book I write, I’m going to deliberately put as much bannable material into it as I can.

I think he was kidding about that, but who knows? You can’t always trust what a novelist tells you. After all, they specialize in fiction, right?

DEAR MISS MINGO:

Since our Attorney General has asked us to keep an eye out for people inciting political violence, I have had to report the deranged Orange Senior Citizen from Mar-a-Lago like twice a day. Should I just be doing a roundup of his greatest hits on a daily basis or weekly?

Pissed in Palm Harbor

Dear Pissed:

First off, I have to say that I hate that P word. I don’t know why, but I do. But it’s your word, and since I began this week’s column excoriating censorship, it would be hypocritical of me not to use it.

Now, to your question: How best to report repeated threats from the enemy within? I think there is no wrong answer here, but I would guess a weekly summary might be desirable. The accumulation of insults to our democracy would have more impact that way. Be sure to share it with your friends, as well as the A.G.’s rat-out-your-neighbors hotline.

But don’t include your real name or address unless you want some unwelcome knocks on your door.

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ASK THE BIRD

Got a question for Miss Mingo? About news, life, the universe or the square root of pi? Write to her at MissMingo@Tropic.Press

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Hermina Hermelinda Obregon—a.k.a. Miss Mingo—was an award-winning newspaper reporter before she involuntarily joined the diaspora of journalists leaving the newspaper profession. She now lives with her two cats—Deadline and Dateline—and her pet iguana Skippy. If you wander the streets (and bars) of Key West, you’ll doubtless run into her. She’ll be the woman wearing the ridiculous flamingo hat. If you want an autograph, you’ll have to buy her a Cuba Libre. There’s more about her here.

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More online

Thank you for reading today’s Miss Mingo column. You can catch up with previous installments and our weekday newsletter at the Tropic Press website where you will also find copies of the Monthly Memo, occasional guest commentaries, and information about The Strange Files series of mysterious adventures and other books.

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