Editor’s Note: Every Saturday morning, we take a break from hard news to let Miss Mingo share her insights with readers. She’s a recovering newspaper reporter living in a bungalow off Duval Street in Key West. At least that’s what her official biography says, if you believe that. She answers the day's pressing questions about life, the news, and the best happy hour prices.
DEAR MISS MINGO:
Somebody told me that Barack Obama made fun of DonOLD Trump’s taste in interior decorating by comparing what he’s done with the Oval Office to a Cheesecake Factory. I’ve never thought of Cheesecake Factory as being particularly gaudy or anything, and I like their food. So how was this supposed to be insulting?
Hungry in Haines City
Dear Hungry:
You have to see Obama’s full remarks to get the joke. He said:
"He's got the White House looking like Saddam Hussein opened a Cheesecake Factory; it's just gold everywhere."
So, I like Cheesecake Factory, too, and I wish there were one in Key West, but they are actually known for their golden hues. I looked it up on the never-wrong internet, and this is what I found:
The interior of a Cheesecake Factory features prominent gold-toned and gilded design elements, though it is not made of solid gold. The chain is known for a maximalist, theatrical aesthetic often described as “affordable opulence”.
The point of the joke is that Trump is acting like a two-bit dictator, imitating the way Saddam Hussein looted his country’s banks and stashed gold bars at his various palaces.
Only Trump is taking all that gold and splattering it all over the White House walls, like a mad interior designer who thinks a stately, dignified, historic mansion owned by the people should be decorated like a chain restaurant.
Nothing against eateries, just not the look one wants for the People’s House. Especially when We The People are suffering an affordability crisis, and that gold could be put to better use.
You know, like paying for the restoration of the East Wing that Trump bulldozed without permission.
DEAR MISS MINGO:
Is it true that Secretary of Unpeace Pete Hegseth broke Dwight Eisenhower's treasured globe?
Appalled in Aventura
Dear Appalled:
Before he became president, Dwight D. Eisenhower was the Supreme Allied Commander leading the free world against the Nazis in World War II.
He had this magnificent 30-inch standing globe that he used to plot operations against Hitler.
When Hegseth took over at the Pentagon, he wanted the globe moved to his office, but instead of waiting for professional curators or trained military historians to handle it, he ordered untrained staff members to do it, and they literally dropped the ball. The globe broke free of its metal mount, and its fragile shell was impaled, leaving a huge hole right through Antarctica.
Because I am a trained journalist and I do not start unfounded rumors, I will not give credibility to gossip that when Hegseth saw the puncture wound, he said:
“Coulda been worse. Thank God we didn’t punch a hole through Mar-a-Lago.”
DEAR MISS MINGO:
I just read a Dave Barry column in which he described a drunk in Las Vegas who captured a flamingo from a hotel’s animal sanctuary and snuck it up to his room. He got caught on video and may now go to jail. That wasn’t you, was it?
Bird Lover in Bradenton
Dear Birdie:
No. I have never in my life kidnapped a flamingo and snuck it off to my hotel room. I can’t even believe you asked. But I will admit it was a funny column. You can read it here:
DEAR MISS MINGO:
Ha ha. You know what Birdie meant. Was it you that got kidnapped? And were you mistreated? You know, did anything kinky happen?
Weird in Wesley Chapel
Dear Weird:
I will say this again, because it merits repeating, often, apparently:
I AM NOT AN ACTUAL FLAMINGO.
It’s just my nickname. You can read my bio for the sordid details.
And even if I were, I wouldn’t comment. What happens in Vegas and all that.
And besides, who among us hasn’t had 30 or 40 beers, like that guy confessed to imbibing, and done something silly?
Got a question for Miss Mingo? About life, the news, or nightlife on Duval Street, with which she is VERY familiar? Write to her at MissMingo@Tropic.Press.
Want to know more about Miss Mingo? How she got her start? And whether she really lives with two cats—Deadline and Dateline—and a pet iguana named Skippy? You can find her official biography, such as it is, here. If you’re bar-hopping on Duval Street in Key West and spot an intriguing woman in a pink hat you suspect might be Miss Mingo, you can always offer to buy her a Cuba Libre. Will it actually be her? Is there an actual her? Life’s a mystery.
AND now, some shameless advertising…
DUE TO POPULAR DEMAND, the official Tropic Press Store is now open and ready for business. You can order your very own Miss Mingo merch online. All sales are final. Check out the store here:
And when your shirt arrives, take a selfie and email it to Miss Mingo to be included in her column.