Editor’s Note: Every Saturday morning, we take a break from hard news to let Hermina Hermelinda Obregon, a.k.a. Miss Mingo, share her insights with readers. She’s a recovering newspaper reporter living in a bungalow off Duval Street in Key West. At least that’s what her official biography says, if you can believe that. She answers the day's pressing questions about life, the news, and the best happy hour prices.
DEAR MISS MINGO:
I have seen some social media posts about voting machines being unsafe. We are in the last few days before the election. Should I be worried?
Concerned in Clearwater
Dear Concerned:
First off, you should be skeptical about anything election-related on social media, especially this close to Nov. 3. You may be seeing garbage from Russian bots or gullible people who spread rumors without fact-checking.
Also, don’t forget that our president is the biggest purveyor of election lies. Remember that press conference he held earlier this year in his newly redecorated, gold-plated White House, when he yammered on and on about how dangerous mail-in voting is? Then he voted by mail?
And let’s not forget, this is the loon who still lies (and lies and lies) about how the 2020 election was rigged against him. It has become the central tenet of the MAGAverse.
Said another way, MAGA is a cult built on lies, the most central of which is that elections are not to be trusted. Especially if Trump — or Republicans — lose.
But to your question, I did some research, and there are no instances of voting machines killing anyone—no electocutions, nobody crushed to death by falling vote tabulators. So, yes, voting machines are safe.
In fact, the only known instance of a voting machine harming anyone was in the 2008 Treehouse of Horrors XIX episode of The Simpsons when Homer Simpson tried to cast a ballot for Barack Obama. The tampered voting machine keeps on changing his vote, then sucks him inside and kills him.
DEAR MISS MINGO:
That’s funny, but you know perfectly well what Concerned really meant: Will voting machines record our votes accurately, or have they been hacked?
Annoyed in Anna Maria
Dear Annoyed:
Yeah, okay, here’s the straight answer:
There are 367,682 voting machines in the United States and 8,533 in Florida alone. Is it possible that out of such a huge number, some might malfunction? Of course.
That said, investigations after the last election found that most instances where people complained their votes weren't tabulated correctly resulted from human error—especially on electronic, touch-screen machines rather than paper ballots.
People push buttons badly.
Optical scanners—the machines that read the paper ballots voters fill out in many locations — you know, coloring in the little ovals next to the names of candidates you vote for—aren't connected to the internet.
The technical term is “air-gapped,” meaning they cannot be hacked online. Does that mean they are impervious to mischief? Of course not. Nothing is. Which is why they are carefully monitored.
Of course, here in Florida, we still recall the “hanging chads” in the 2000 presidential race between Al Gore and George Bush, where bits of paper in punch-ballots snagged and altered votes, forcing recounts.
The takeaway from that is that recounts can fix errors. Unless, of course, the Supreme Court stops the recount, as it did then, resulting in Bush beating Gore in Florida by a mere 537 votes. Had the recount continued, would the result have been different? We’ll never know.
But ultimately, rigged voting machines weren't the problem. It was a rigged Supreme Court.
DEAR MISS MINGO:
So, voting is safe, is that what you’re saying?
Making Sure I Understand in Miramar
Dear Making:
As long as there are people—politicians or their slavish followers—who are happy to cheat or steal or riot to block the will of the people as expressed in free and fair elections, no, we are never entirely safe.
Constant vigilance is the order of the day.
That’s one reason why both major political parties send poll watchers to voting locations to keep an eye on things. And it’s why each of us as voters needs to pay close attention when we are voting.
I’m less concerned about the integrity of voting machines than I am about ICE agents or other yahoos trying to intimidate voters as they make their way to the polls. A couple of instances of that have already happened at early voting locations in Florida.
Be alert. And if you see ANYTHING that strikes you as inappropriate, report it immediately.
The Democratic Party also runs a Voter Assistance Hotline at 833-868-3352.
Actually, my biggest fear is that after the election, and the Republicans get stomped, Trump will start claiming voter fraud or some other nonsense, and God only knows what kind of crisis will result.
But don’t let that discourage you from voting. In fact, it should make you even more determined to ensure your voice is heard.
Democracy is not for the timid. Be brave.
Got a question for Miss Mingo? About life, the news, or the origin of ancient idioms? Write to her at MissMingo@Tropic.Press.
Want to know more about Miss Mingo? How she got her start? And whether she really lives with two cats—Deadline and Dateline—and a pet iguana named Skippy? You can find her official biography, such as it is, here. If you’re bar hopping on Duval Street in Key West and spot an intriguing woman in a pink hat that you suspect might be Miss Mingo, you can always offer to buy her a Cuba Libre. Will it actually be her? Is there an actual her? Life’s a mystery.
AND now, some shameless advertising…
DUE TO POPULAR DEMAND, the official Tropic Press Store is now open and ready for business. You can order your very own Miss Mingo merch online. All sales are final. Check out the store here:
And when your shirt arrives, take a selfie and email it to Miss Mingo to be included in her column.
Thank you.
We all needed to hear this today!
Working at the polls in Tampa we have had no instances of misconduct or deception.
Integrity is the word of the day!
BLUE WAVE !!!
Dear Vigilant, My lovely and charming wife, Pat, worked the polls for the primaries and will do so again for the coming election. She runs the optical scanner that reads the paper ballots. The big issue, which the staff is trained to address, is ensuring that the machine reads the ballot while the voter is standing right there at the reader to ensure that his or her vote is counted properly. The machine will occasionally NOT read the ballot, or will kick it back, at which point Pat summons another poll worker from across the single-room voting area, and they review together what the machine says is wrong with the ballot (too many marks on the paper, etc). In Maine, with ranked-choice voting, many people either filled out the ballot incorrectly, or tried to game the system by filling out the ballot with extra marks. The critical parts are that she makes sure that the voter remains at the machine the entire time until everyone agrees that the ballot has been successfully tabulated, and the voter has NOT gone out the exit, AND that no one gets the impression that the poll workers have somehow double counted or otherwise prostituted the process.