ASK THE BIRD: Where can we send Antifa Christmas cards, and when can I expect my paycheck from them?

Got a question? Ask Miss Mingo. She's got answers. Some may be true. She writes every Saturday for Tropic Press. Except when she doesn't.

Editor’s Note: Hermina Hermelinda Obregon, a.k.a. Miss Mingo, is a recovering newspaper reporter living in a bungalow off Duval Street in Key West, where she answers the pressing questions of the day about life, the news, and the best happy hour prices. You can support her bar tab by becoming a paid subscriber.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

I have struggled to locate an office or residence for ANTIFA so I can add those folks to my Christmas card list. I did notice however that a past relative of ours was “Aunt Eva” from Bayside N.Y. Could be the same?

Thanks,

Rickie

Dear Rickie:

I thought that name rang a bell, so I checked with a CIA source, and she confirmed that one of the stars on the wall in the lobby honoring agents who died in the line of duty is none other than Seano Eva. She oversaw a cell of undercover assets inside Nazi Germany who were known as Aunt Eva’s Army.

Her spies ran a disinformation op inside Hitler’s headquarters that lured his troops away from Normandy on D-Day.

When the first Americans stepped off the landing craft at Omaha Beach, they were greeted by one of her agents. “I’m from Aunt Eva,” he told the first marine he met. And that’s how the name Antifa was born.

Of course, it also stands for Anti-Fascist, which is why it was such an effective play on words.

Antifa’s actual headquarters is located in a convoy of 18-wheelers roaming the country anonymously—for obvious reasons. The lead driver goes by the code name Bandit. The guy in charge of the whole shebang is known as General Delivery.

You can send Christmas cards to any post office in America. Just mark them “For General Delivery” and Antifa will get them.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

I have a question regarding my compensation for services rendered on behalf of Antifa. Will I receive a direct deposit into my PayPal account or will I receive a check in the mail? Additionally, will the appropriate taxes be taken out?

Thank you in advance,

Jack from Bradenton

Dear Jack:

Great question. Let me put you in direct touch with the Antifa accounting department, and I’m sure they can answer all your questions.

You can mail your question to Antifa Business Office, General Delivery, to any city in America. Or you can email one of the helpful service reps there at:

AntifaBusinessOffice@yahoo.com

Be sure to use the passphrase of the day to validate your standing as a bona fide Antifa Associate. Today’s is: “The green armadillo speaks softly in Portuguese.”

DEAR MISS MINGO:

What did you think of the new flag design posted in a GOP legislator’s office? Are naked eyes blind and gotta wear shades to see?

Lee 🐝 Bee

Dear Lee:

U.S. Rep. Dave Taylor issued a statement claiming that a flag in his office had been doctored in such a way that the stripes formed a swastika.

“Numerous Republican offices have confirmed that they were targeted by an unidentified group or individual who distributed American flags bearing a similar symbol, which were initially indistinguishable from an ordinary American flag to the naked eye. My office was among those that were subjected to this ruse.”

This was not the work of Aunt Eva, I can tell you that. Just to be clear, it is the policy of Tropic Press, my employer, that Nazis suck. That includes those from the 1930s and 1940s and present-day Nazis masquerading by various euphemistic names.

And if Congressman Taylor couldn’t see that swastika right away, dude’s gotta get his eyes checked.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

The Big Idiot is going after persons who are critical of him. The latest example is Bolton! I am an open critic of Trump. Will I be considered a small fish in the American pond and not have to worry about P. Bondi coming after me if the Big Idiot is offended?

Trying hard to offend
Pace Fl

Dear Trying:

I note that in Largo, just north of St. Petersburg, that a disgruntled man sent Florida’s chief financial officer, Blaise Ingoglia, a postcard expressing his disapproval of his conduct. His exact words were: “You lack values.”

Next thing he knew, goons in bulletproof vests were at his door while he was getting his 11-year-old granddaughter ready for school.

You can read the full report in the Tampa Bay Times here.

So, while this was cheap local thuggery, not federal, I would say there is no longer such a thing as a small fish when it comes to government intimidation and retaliation. Not even in the Free State of Florida. Stay safe.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

Thank you for all the answers to my questions. I sure feel safer knowing that the person with an open container of Coors Light will get arrested for walking silly but the person carrying an AR-15 with multiple magazines on his ammunition belt who is screaming “My brain worms are active again” is not a safety concern.

Fun fact for those who hate books: In Florida, there were 2,304 instances of book bans during the 2024-2025 school year, making it the state with the highest number of bans.

Some tips to reading banned books, drinking alcohol in public while twirling a Smith and Wesson: Cover your banned copy of “A Clockwork Orange” with “The Speeches of Hitler”., pour your Coors Light into a can of empty Dr. Pepper (important note for floridiots; be sure the can of Dr. Pepper is empty before trying to fill it with your Coors Light!), and strap on your holstered firearms and Semiautomatic weapons.

With all that in mind, my questions lean on your legendary journalistic talents. are:, should colons and semicolons be banned, or should I just be reprimanded for using them improperly? i assume it soon won’t matter since in the near future all punctuation will be banned in FL as it will be considered woke. Cheers!

MPT, Somewhere in Florida

Dear MPT:

So, I was editing your remarks as I read them, correcting your grammar and punctuation, until I got to the end and realized all those illiteracies were purposeful.

Well, played! You got me. And, as you can see, they have been restored to their original glory.

Punctuation is indeed woke. It will be the last line of defense against tyranny. Remember what that great Revolutionary War hero and scribbler Thomas Paine should have said:

“Give me literacy; or give me death!”

He also could have said:

“You can have my quill when you pry it from my cold, unalive hands.”

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Got a question for Miss Mingo? About news, life, the universe or why red tide is sometimes brown or purple? Write to her at MissMingo@Tropic.Press

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Hermina Hermelinda Obregon—a.k.a. Miss Mingo—was an award-winning newspaper reporter before she involuntarily joined the diaspora of journalists leaving the newspaper profession. She now lives with her two cats—Deadline and Dateline—and her pet iguana Skippy. If you wander the streets (and bars) of Key West, you’ll doubtless run into her. She’ll be the woman wearing the ridiculous flamingo hat. If you want an autograph, you’ll have to buy her a Cuba Libre. There’s more about her here.

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Thank you for reading today’s Miss Mingo column. You can catch up with previous installments and our weekday newsletter at the Tropic Press website where you will also find copies of the Monthly Memo, occasional guest commentaries, and information about The Strange Files series of mysterious adventures and other books.

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