ASK THE BIRD: Why do state legislators hate flamingos, and are you offended by that?

Got a question? Ask Miss Mingo. She's got answers. She writes every Saturday for Tropic Press.

Editor’s Note: We take a break from hard news every Saturday morning to let Hermina Hermelinda Obregon, a.k.a. Miss Mingo, share her insights with readers. She’s a recovering newspaper reporter living in a bungalow off Duval Street in Key West, where she answers the pressing questions of the day about life, the news, and the best happy hour prices. You can support her bar tab by becoming a paid subscriber.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

I see that the Florida Legislature hatefully failed to make the flamingo the state bird. Is there some kind of prejudice involved with this decision? I mean, they’re mostly Republicans, right, and mostly men? Do they just detest the color pink because it’s unmanly or something? And are you personally offended by that?

Flamingo Fan in Flagler

Dear Fan:

Just to be clear, I’m not an actual talking/writing flamingo, you know, right? It’s just my nickname. That said, among the many things I love about Florida are its exotic birds, none more so than the flamingo. I mean, I got the nickname because I always wear pink, so, yeah, I’m a fan, too.

Now to your questions.

Yes, it is certainly true that men outnumber women in the state House and Senate. Current count is 93 males to 67 females. If there are any elected officeholders there who identify as nonbinary, they aren’t talking about it.

And, yes, you are correct that most members of the Florida Legislature are Republicans. Overwhelmingly so: 116-44.

There’s a reason for this. It’s called gerrymandering, and, if Gov. Ron DeSantis gets his way, more gerrymandering will be on the way. But I digress.

About this whole business of men avoiding pink: I did a little research, and I think that whole blue-is-for-boys and pink-is-for-girls thing is changing. That said, pink is associated with Breast Cancer Awareness Month, women’s rights, and LGBTQ+ causes, so, yeah, maybe some Republicans steer clear of the color for fear they could be misidentified as thoughtful.

But doesn’t everyone love flamingos?

For all practical purposes, it IS the state bird already. After all, it’s the symbol of the lottery, and what could say “Florida” more than a game for the mathematically impaired? It is the iconic bird of our great state.

When people think of Florida, do you really imagine that images of the northern mockingbird come to mind? Northern?? It’s enough to make a flamingo lover shed pink tears.

I mean, why do you think Florida’s abbreviation is FLA instead of FLO? Flamingo, of course.

And isn’t it what Florida was called before all the Spanish conquistadores arrived to share smallpox with the natives? That’s right! Flamingo is a rough translation of “Land of the One-Legged Pink Birds” in Calusa, said nobody ever (until now).

But, back on track, no, I don’t think the Legislature failed to change the state bird to the flamingo because of any sort of prejudice. In fact, it seemed to have widespread support in both political parties.

Not prejudice. Simply incompetence.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

Some time ago, you wrote a column addressing the question of matching shoes and holsters for Florida women who open-carry their pistols. I try to keep up with fashion trends. Any updates?

Packing in Pinellas

Dear Packing:

First off, I wrote that piece, tongue-in-beak, as a way to poke a little well-deserved sarcasm at the whole open-carry phenom in Florida.

Since I don’t own a gun, nor would I go around like Annie Oakley displaying it even if I did, I might not be the best person to consult on this. Also, there are some people—like the bartender pouring me a drink right now at the Hard Rock—who have accused me of being obsessed with the color pink, as we just discussed in the item above.

So, were I to pack heat, it would definitely have to be a pink holster with pink shoes. But the bigger question is: Does anyone make a pink sidearm?

I looked that up, and, as it turns out, there are several gun makers who do just that as a marketing ploy to get more women to buy guns. Kinda like making candy-flavored cigarettes to lure children into smoking, I suppose. Could marketers be more craven? Oh, sure. There are no boundaries when it comes to merchandising.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

Isn’t that a little cynical? Historically, hasn’t advertising, on balance, been a good thing?

Marlboro Man in Manatee

Dear Marlboro:

Hahahahahaha.

You mean like this?

Or this?

Or this?

I’ll stop now. Bartender, pour me another….

Got a question for Miss Mingo? About life, the news, or clever ways to avoid paying bar tabs? Write to her at MissMingo@Tropic.Press

Hermina Hermelinda Obregon—a.k.a. Miss Mingo—was an award-winning newspaper reporter before she involuntarily joined the diaspora of journalists leaving the newspaper profession. She now lives with her two cats—Deadline and Dateline—and her pet iguana Skippy. If you wander the streets (and bars) of Key West, you’ll doubtless run into her. She’ll be the woman wearing the ridiculous flamingo hat. If you want an autograph, you’ll have to buy her a Cuba Libre. There’s more about her here.

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