ASK THE BIRD: Will the Veggie Libel Law make it hard to insult the White House Orange Man?

Got a question? Ask Miss Mingo. She's got answers. Some may even be true. She writes every Saturday for Tropic Press.

Editor’s Note: We take a break from hard news every Saturday morning to let Hermina Hermelinda Obregon, a.k.a. Miss Mingo, share her insights with readers. She’s a recovering newspaper reporter living in a bungalow off Duval Street in Key West, where she answers the pressing questions of the day about life, the news, and the best happy hour prices. You can support her bar tab by becoming a paid subscriber.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

I have heard that there is a move afoot to insert $2 million of funding into the Florida “veggie libel” bill for the Florida Department of Agriculture and Consumer Services. The purpose of this funding is to develop a new citrus product to be known as the “Trump Orange.” The sole criterion for the development of this orange is that its fruit color must match that of the president’s skin tone. There are no other qualities to be specified for the fruit. Indeed, the funding statement even states specifically that brown discolorations from various diseases will not disqualify this product from commercialization.

I am wondering if this proposal is meant to make it illegal to mock the president’s skin color by permitting prosecution of those who would do so using the provisions of the “veggie libel” bill.

Thank you for your wisdom.

William

Dear William:

This reminds me of the spelling bee contestant who, when asked to spell “orange,” asked whether it was the fruit or the color.

In this case, both.

The color orange is very much associated with Trump, as in nicknames such as Orange-a-Lago, the Orange Menace, the Orange Oligarch, and the Orange Trouser Stain.

But, of course, orange coloration is not restricted to that particular fruit or vegetable. There’s the Tangerine Tantrum, the Mango Mussolini, the Pumpkin Populist, and so forth.

Wait! Or mangos orange? Well, never let facts get in the way of a good joke.

But, yes, if that amendment passes, any insult to Trump’s orange skin could fall under the jurisdiction of the state’s Veggie Libel Law, and perpetrators could be sued for billions of dollars.

Even more frightening, another bill before the Legislature would create a new anti-terrorism unit in the Florida Department of Law Enforcement charged with tracking down anyone whose words are viewed as “a threat or are inimical to the interests of this state.”

And who gets to decide who Florida’s new Thought Police would prosecute? Were it a reality today, that would be the current attorney general, not elected by the people but appointed by Gov. Ron DeSantis, who has shown no hesitancy in doing whatever his dear leader Trump demands.

Sleep well.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

Hey! I like the idea of having all our airports named “The Current Occupant of the White House International Airport.” We pay low, mass produced prices for hundreds of airport signs and never have to replace them.

KJ

Dear KJ:

Yes! Florida Phoenix columnist Diane Roberts used that line in a recent column, and it was brilliant.

Renaming the Palm Beach International Airport in Trump’s honor is estimated to cost $5 million that otherwise could have been spent on—oh, I don’t know—the welfare of the state’s citizens? Just a thought.

Should the Democrats regain control of Congress, which seems likely after the midterm elections, would they insist on legislation reversing all these sycophantic Trump renamings around the country? And, if so, would that cost us yet another $5 million to reverse the damage?

This idea would fix that costly crisis. On the other hand, I kinda fancy the idea of renaming the airport the John F. Kennedy Memorial International Airport just to stick it to the Orange Mango Menace.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

In last week’s column, you mentioned you were writing while sitting at the outdoor bar at the Hard Rock Cafe on Duval Street. Then I noticed this week in one of Ted Lund’s reports from Key West that it’s going to be closed down. Is it possible yours will have been the last Cuba Libre ordered there?

Misty from Marathon

Dear Misty:

I did notice that business seemed a little slow at the Hard Rock while bars right across Duval were hopping. I will miss the place. It was always a great spot to hang out during Fantasy Fest to watch the parade.

So, who will, indeed, be the last person to order a Cuba Libre before they turn out the lights?

I shall make that my quest!

Oh, by the way, if you look closely at the photograph that ran with Ted Lund’s story on this, you can just barely see me at the bar!

Got a question for Miss Mingo? About life, the news, or clever ways to avoid paying bar tabs? Write to her at MissMingo@Tropic.Press

Hermina Hermelinda Obregon—a.k.a. Miss Mingo—was an award-winning newspaper reporter before she involuntarily joined the diaspora of journalists leaving the newspaper profession. She now lives with her two cats—Deadline and Dateline—and her pet iguana Skippy. If you wander the streets (and bars) of Key West, you’ll doubtless run into her. She’ll be the woman wearing the ridiculous flamingo hat. If you want an autograph, you’ll have to buy her a Cuba Libre. There’s more about her here.

---

Get Your Mingo Merch

The official Tropic Press Store is now open and ready for business. You can order your very own Miss Mingo tee shirts and coffee mugs online. All sales are final. Check out the store here: