COMMENTARY: Could Donald Trump be considered a Florida invasive species?

An investigation on the never-wrong internet provides surprising answers, metaphorically speaking

Florida is plagued by invasive species—perhaps most notoriously the Burmese python—but there are many kinds of unwelcome invaders, some more obnoxious than others.

And being in a mischievous mood, I was wondering whether Donald Trump could legitimately be considered one of them. After all, that’s what California Gov. Gavin Newsom keeps calling him.

Trump’s certainly not a native to the Sunshine State, and while he may have grown roots here, that’s only after he transplanted himself, as many unwanted pests do.

Now, not all newcomers are unwelcome, of course.

The coconut palm, for instance, isn’t native. How the first one got here is unknown, but they originated in Southeast Asia. A coconut might have simply floated here, maybe having fallen overboard somewhere offshore.

Accidents happen. And nobody’s complaining about palm trees.

Trump, though?

I did a little research, and I asked the never-wrong internet for the 10 most invasive species in the state. I was pretty sure Trump wouldn’t show up since most of these lists are ranked by quantity, not how annoying they are.

The list:

1. Burmese pythons

2. Feral hogs

3. Cane toads

4. Lionfish

5. Cuban tree frogs

6. Giant African land snails

7. Iguanas

8. Green mussels

9. Feral cats

10. Tegu lizards

No New York billionaire real estate developers-turned reality TV stars-turned politicians made the list, as you can see.

Still, I wondered. So, I asked ChatGPT a slightly different question. Could Donald Trump in any way be considered a Florida invasive species?

The answer:

If we’re talking strictly biology, no — Donald Trump is not an invasive species, unless he’s been hiding some very surprising DNA test results.

But metaphorically? Oh, absolutely. If Florida had an official list of invasive political fauna, the entry might look something like this:

FLORIDA INVASIVE SPECIES FIELD GUIDE

Species: Homo politicus floridensis (Common name: Trump)

Origin: New York

Introduced to Florida: Around the time he realized the tax situation was better, and the weather didn’t involve wind chill.

Identifying Characteristics:

• Loud vocalizations, especially during rallies.

• Distinctive orange-tinted mating display (a.k.a. campaign lighting).

• Frequently observed near golf courses and TV cameras.

Impact on Local Ecosystem:

• Displaces native political species.

• Increases levels of hot air and media activity.

• Causes periodic migration events known as “snowbird rallies.”

Recommended Management Strategy:

• Maintain a safe viewing distance.

• Do not feed the social media presence.

• Removal is considered complicated and requires multiple court systems.

So no, not biologically invasive — but if Florida had to post warning signs, it wouldn’t be the strangest thing the state has done.

I did not make any of that up.

Now, in all fairness, couldn’t all homo sapiens in Florida be considered invasive, even those not threatening to permit oil well drilling off our coast?

Apparently not:

Because human beings tend to reshape ecosystems, we can behave like an invasive species—but scientists don’t classify humans that way.

• People born in Florida would be “native” by any reasonable definition.

• People who move to Florida are introduced species. This is different than invasive.

• People who move to Florida and immediately start releasing pythons, driving 30 mph in the fast lane, or hiding classified documents in the bathrooms of their coastal mansions might be considered disruptive, but that’s still not an official label.

So:

Humans in Florida are NOT scientifically considered invasive. And assuming Trump is human, that lets him off the hook, scientists conclude.

Of course, the scientists making this determination are, themselves, human, so it would be fair to ask if they aren’t biased in exempting human beings. But somebody has to make the call, and that’s their job.

It would have been amusing if the answer that came back was a resounding: “Yes, Donald Trump is an invasive species, just like Gavin Newsom says.” But it didn’t.

And in journalism, we follow the facts without fear or favor, so we have to summarize the results of this in-depth investigation truthfully:

Donald Trump is not a biological invasive species.

He’s a metaphorical invasive species.

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J.C. Bruce, journalist and author, is the founder of Tropic Press. He holds dual citizenship in the United States of America and his native Florida. The novels in his Strange Files series of mysterious adventures have won multiple literary awards, including Book of the Year by the Florida Writers Association.

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Related: Newsom calls Trump an ‘invasive species’ and ‘wrecking ball’ in fiery remarks at COP30 climate summit

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