December 2023: The Strange Files Newsletter
December 2023: The Strange Files Newsletter
It's December! Time for Christmas, New Year's Eve, Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Festivus, and a new Strange Files novel
Let's get to the big news first. The latest installment in The Strange Files series has been released just in time to stuff your Christmas stockings.
STRANGE TIMING is a weird story (naturally) set around the Christmas holiday. It's got a talking mannequin, a guardian angel who fears for her life, dinosaurs, a missing baby Jesus snatched from a nativity scene at a megachurch and golf resort, naked snake charmers, mad scientists, and a smidgen of time travel.
Oh, and Elvis seems to be missing and the future in-laws are turning into a real nightmare.
STRANGE TIMING is Alexander Strange's wildest adventure ever.
As a newsletter subscriber, you received a plea for help right before Thanksgiving. I had to select between a couple of different cover designs. Newsletter subscribers got first crack at it, then I also put it to my followers on TikTok, Facebook, and other social media platforms.
The overwhelming favorite was the cover design incorporating a stopwatch, symbolic of changing time. But many others really wanted Mona the mannequin -- Alexander Strange's shipboard pirate -- on the cover. So, we came up with this hybrid design.
I hope you like it.
Paperback and ebook versions of STRANGE TIMING are now available on Amazon and will soon appear on all other online booksellers. You can order your copies here.
When it comes to December holidays, the 600 pound elf in the room is, of course, Santa Claus.
Okay, maybe not 600 pounds. After all, he does have to remain svelte enough to slide down those chimneys. But maybe cutting back on the cookies and milk wouldn't hurt.
Christmas as we experience it these days is both a religious and secular holiday -- a fact validated by no less than a federal judge in Ohio in a landmark decision that saved the holiday.
(More on that below.)
As we know, it celebrates the birth of Jesus Christ on Dec. 25. Interestingly, though, scripture is actually silent on the date Jesus was born. Here are some other bits of Christmas trivia you can use to impress your friends:
The Grinch is the highest-grossing Christmas film of all time. (But is it the best? See below.) Made in 2018 it has made more than $500 million.
An estimated 85 percent of American kids believe in Santa Claus, as do I.
The Friday and Saturday before Christmas are the busiest shopping days of the year.
Candy canes date back to 1670. Why? To keep young choir members from talking too much during Christmas services.
And those nativity scenes we see everywhere this time of year (including the one vandalized in STRANGE TIMING) -- they were invented by St. Francis of Assisi in 1223 using live actors.
The original Elf on a Shelf was named Fisbee. (Note there is no "R" -- it's not Frisbee.)
Why do we kiss under the mistletoe? It has nothing to do with Christmas. It's a tradition actually derived from Norse mythology. Frigg, the goddess of love, promised to kiss anyone who passed beneath the mistletoe after her son was killed by an arrow made of the poisonous plant.
Who is Santa Claus, really, and does he live at the North Pole? Alexander Strange writes about Santa's North Pole digs in STRANGE TIMING. Santa originated with a Turkish monk named St. Nicholas who was famous for helping the poor. Santa moved to the North Pole because he thought with global warming real estate values there would rise. Nobody told him it's made entirely of ice.
Top Five Christmas Movies Ever
Die Hard
A Christmas Story
Home Alone
National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation
The Santa Clause
Top Five Christmas Songs Ever
Jingle Bells by Jimmy Buffett
White Christmas by Taylor Swift
Silent Night by Beyonce
Santa Baby by Eartha Kitt
Blue Christmas by Elvis Presley
Top Five Christmas Books Ever
A Christmas Story by Jean Shepherd (this is where the leg lamp is invented).
The Gift of the Magi by O. Henry
How the Grinch Stole Christmas by Dr. Seuss
Mr. Dickens and His Carol by Samantha Silva
The Usual Santas Forward by Peter Lovesey
(Modesty forbids me from mentioning STRANGE TIMING in this list, but feel free to nominate it below.)
WHAT? You thought Bing Crosby would make the list? Or It's a Wonderful Life? If you disagree, add your own nominations to the list by clicking the button below and I'll publish the results in the next newsletter:
And yet more December holidays including ...
Hanukkah (Dec. 7 -- 15). It is an eight-day "festival of lights" commemorating the rededication of the Second Temple in Jerusalem after Jewish warriors defeated an occupying Greek army.
Kwanzaa (Dec. 26 -- Jan. 1). It is an annual celebration of African-American culture culminating in a communal feast called Karamu.
New Year's Eve (Dec. 31). If you are among the millions who will watch the ball drop in Times Square on television, count your blessings because if you were actually braving the cold and crowds in the Big Apple you would have yet another challenge to deal with: There are no public restrooms for the thousands of revelers jammed together in the street.
Saturnalia is observed between Dec. 17-23. It's an ancient Roman festival honoring the agricultural god Saturn. It was a time of feasting, gift-giving, and merriment. As Rome became Christian in the third century CE, Saturnalia and Christmas eventually merged into one another. The holiday is still celebrated by reconstructionist pagans around the world.
And let us not forget the fastest growing and wildly popular holiday season event: Festivus
Dec. 23 marks the date for this annual made-up holiday concocted by the family of Seinfeld writer Dan O'Keefe and aired as an episode of the show on Dec. 18, 1997. Created as a counterpoint to the excesses of Christmas, Festivus involves a plain aluminum pole (instead of a Christmas tree) and is a time for wrestling, meatloaf eating, and airing of grievances. What started as a joke has now become an international phenomenon.
More December Milestones and Events
Wear Brown Shoes Day is Dec. 4. (I have no idea why.)
National Pawnbroker's Day is celebrated on Dec. 6 -- St. Nicholas Day. St. Nicholas, in addition to being Santa Claus, is the patron saint of pawnbroking.
Dec. 7, a day that lives in infamy. At 7:55 a.m. on this day in 1941 Japanese aircraft attacked the U.S. naval base at Pearl Harbor, propelling America into World War II, an event that ultimately led to the atomic bombing of the Japanese mainland.
National Cat Herder's Day is Dec. 15. If you think your job, or your life, is like herding cats, then this is the day dedicated to you.
Winter Solstice. It's the official start of winter, arriving this year on Dec. 21 at 10:27 p.m. This is the day in which there are the fewest hours of sunshine in the northern hemisphere. For newsletter readers in New Zealand, it's your sunniest day of the year!
National Chocolate Day is Dec. 24. (At my house, every day is chocolate day.) It's also Christmas Eve, of course. Some people choose to open their presents on Christmas Eve instead of waiting for Santa to deliver them overnight while they are sleeping. I've never understood this.
Dec. 26 is Boxing Day, a holiday in Australia, New Zealand, Canada, Great Britain, and elsewhere. Apparently, it started as the day after Christmas when servants, tradespeople, and the poor were given gifts. Now it's a shopping and sports holiday.
Dec. 31, in addition to being New Year's Eve, is Make Up Your Mind Day. I think. It's so hard to decide.
December Sports
Football dominates the December sports calendar with the start of the college football bowl games and the Miami Dolphins continuing march to the Super Bowl.
Many of the college bowls will make their team selections on Sunday, Dec. 3, following the conference championship games Dec. 2, so stay tuned for that. The college championship game will be Jan. 8.
Here's a look at the schedule.
On the Silver Screen
It's December, so naturally the theaters will be flooded with Christmas-themed movies. Here's a list of just some of them coming to a movie theater near you.
Your Christmas or Mine 2
Teddy's Christmas
Silent Night
Candy Cane Lane
Glisten and the Merry Mission
How the Gringo Stole Christmas
Santa Isn't Real
Diary of a Wimpy Kid Christmas: Cabin Fever
Merry Little Batman
Merry Good Enough
But it's not all about Christmas. Also premiering this month will be the long-awaited The Color Purple, the musical adaptation of Alice Walker's novel; Ferrari, a biopic of automotive king Enzo Ferrari; Wonka; and Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom starring Jason Momoa, Ben Affleck, Nicole Kidman, and what's-her-name who sued Captain Jack Sparrow.
Details on these films and their release dates on Movie Insider.
What I'm Reading
Mostly, I've been reading page proofs of STRANGE TIMING.
But when I've taken a break from that, I've been devouring a series of fast-paced books by science fiction writer Kate Sheeran Swed, a continuing "space opera" set in the imaginary Parse Galaxy. The heroine of the stories, Sloane, is a complex, funny, sarcastic, damaged, wonderful character. It's witty, addictive, and I can't wait for the next book in the series, Fallout Strike, coming January 16.
But, as noted, mostly I've been reading page proofs. If you are already a fan of The Strange Files series, you know I like to intersperse examples of Alexander Strange's weird news columns throughout the books. In STRANGE TIMING, those columns comprise a countdown to Christmas, proving weird news never goes on holiday. One of those columns cites an actual federal court decision that literally saved Christmas as a holiday (true fact).
I've reprinted it on my website (www.jcbruce.com) and you can read it here.
Strange Encounters
MB Hopkins, a brilliant artist from Dayton, Ohio, and a former colleague of mine at the Dayton Daily News, shared this hilarious story on Facebook. Since I live with a pair of mannequins -- Mona, the pirate and star of STRANGE TIMING, and her sister Lisa, who graces my wife Sandy's office -- I can relate to this:
Bumped into a mannequin
and said, "sorry."
And then said, "Oh I thought you
were a person."
Then I realized I was still
talking to a mannequin.
Strange If True
David Hasselhoff walked into a bar and ordered a drink.
"It’s a pleasure to serve you Mr Hasselhoff,” said the bartender.
“Just call me Hoff,” he replied.
“Why's that?” asked the bartender.
To which the actor replied: “Less hassle.”
Strangest Christmas Joke Ever
Why did the red-nosed reindeer help the old lady cross the road?
It would have been Rudolph him not to.
Breaking News: Christmas May Be Delayed
Readers Write...
Dear J.C.
Wow. Normally, you aren't so commercial in this newsletter. You're really shilling your new book this time. How should we feel about that?
F. Abagnale
Honored. Been working on STRANGE TIMING for more than a year, and newsletter subscribers like you are first on the list to learn how to get their copies. Act quick while supplies last.
Dear J.C.
You mentioned "reconstructionist pagans" celebrating Saturnalia earlier in the newsletter. How do you know stuff like that and what exactly is a reconstructionist pagan anyway?
Theodora of Emesa
You asked two questions. Here are the answers: 1. The internet. 2. Reconstructionist pagans are different from Wiccans, according to my source on all this, a guy named Glenn Sunshine (I kid you not). If you really are interested, you can read his explanation here. Honestly, I don't understand it, but it is weird, and I'm all about that.
Dear J.C.
Is there any hope that your next book will also be released as an audiobook?
M. Spirek
You certainly are insistent. How many times have you pestered me about this? Well, you win. Just to make you happy, STRANGE TIMING will be released as an audiobook. It goes into production in January. (Just kidding about the pestering. Really appreciate you.)
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Parting Shots
J.C. Bruce is the author of The Strange Files series of mysterious novels (available on Amazon, other fine online booksellers, and at selected libraries). He also writes this free monthly newsletter. He holds dual citizenship in the United States of America and Florida.