Donald Trump The Movie. A mashup of three classics: Star Wars, The Monster from the Deep Lagoon, and Groundhog Day
Here at Tropic Press, we know the truth is often stranger than fiction, but sometimes reality is an imitation of art.
By J.C. Bruce
Jabba the Trump
Donald Trump fancies himself as someone women beg to take selfies with.
At least that’s his story. He said during the recent G7 summit in Europe that Italian Prime Minister Giorgia Meloni “begged” him for a photograph and that he “took pity” on her.
Meloni called Trump’s story “completely fabricated” and added: “Né io né l’Italia mendiamo maio.”
Since I don’t speak Italian, I’m guessing what she said was: “You may claim you’re one of history’s most powerful leaders like Attila the Hun, or Genghis Khan, or maybe even Jabba the Hutt. But I saw Star Wars, and even though you’re as fat as him, you’re no Jabba the Hutt, either. And I am not your Princess Leia. Although she is my hero.”
What’s weird about this—apart from Trump’s incessant narcissism—is that Meloni was supposed to be his friend. But Trump has no friends. Only marks.
Green Water Gate
Trump knew better than anybody about how to “fix” the 2,000-foot-long Reflecting Pool in Washington, D.C. After all, he is a stable genius and got a perfect score on the Montreal dementia test, inerrantly remembering the words: Person, Woman, Man. Camera, TV.
Too bad one of the words wasn’t “algae.”
He had one of his Palm Beach neighbors (and donors) take on the job—a company, I kid you not, named Greenwater Services. You just can’t make this stuff up, you really can’t.
So, they painted the pool Stars and Stripes Blue, a dark color that holds heat and encourages plant growth, and then the inevitable happened: The pool turned into a slimy green site eerily reminiscent of the Monster from the Deep Lagoon.
Since nothing can ever be Trump’s fault, he blamed a bicyclist and roaming bands of “Democat” vandals for sabotaging his perfect project. This in a town he claimed he personally rid of criminals only a few days earlier.
Groundhog Day All Over Again
Trump’s giveaway to secure a “surrender” in the Iran War has been widely criticized by Republicans and Democrats alike. Not the least of which is that it was the U.S.A. that did the surrendering while giving Brinks’ truckloads of cash to the Ayatollah.
But at least he got the Strait of Hormuz reopened. Right?
Uh, well, as this was being written, the strait was closed again. J.D. Vance was jetting to Switzerland for talks, knowing full well that if he doesn’t turn this around Trump will throw him under the bus for any failures.
And if the whole “the strait is open, no, the strait is closed” business sounds remarkably like a scene from Groundhog Day, you’re not wrong.
As Oscar Wilde said, “Life imitates art far more than art imitates life.”
But in this case, I think this old Turkish proverb applies:
“When a clown moves into a palace, he doesn’t become a king. The palace becomes a circus.”
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J.C. Bruce
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The Strange Files
Today’s edition of this newsletter is brought to you by Tropic Press Books, publisher of The Strange Files Series. Strange Fact: The first sentence of Florida Man, the second book in the series, sets the tone for how weird Alexander Strange’s adventure in the Gunshine State will be:
“I wanted to get to Florida in the worst way, so I arrived in a coffin.”
Check out the award-winning series here:
LOLOLOLOL Those were brilliant! And so totally apropos! LOVE THEM!! Thank you! and a very Happy Fathers Day!! ❤️
Speaking of Hormuz, he thought it was whore moos and he wanted to hear that.