May 2024: The Strange Files Newsletter
May 2024: The Strange Files Newsletter
Be the Smartest Person in the Room -- or the Zoom
Welcome to May, the first day of which, May Day, is celebrated in Europe as the unofficial beginning of summer even though we're really only halfway through Spring.
Why is that? Well, the May Day holiday is very old, ancient in fact. It dates back to when everyone thought the world was flat and weather satellites hadn't been perfected yet. Old habits die hard.
But here at the Strange Files Newsletter, we don't care because we believe any excuse for a party is a good one, and we have numerous reasons to celebrate this month.
Among the May festivities are Mother's Day, Cinco de Mayo, Star Wars Day, and Dance Like a Chicken Day. There are big sporting events on tap -- the Kentucky Derby and the PGA Championship among them. It's also National Hamburger Month, but before you run out for a Big Mac we have some unappetizing news for you on junk food and your brain.
And in this month's newsletter, we will also answer the question that nobody (but us) ever asked: Where did the expression "Cool as a moose egg!" come from?
Read on:
Mark Your Calendar
Mother's Day is the headline holiday in May. It always falls on the second Sunday of the month, and this year that's May 12.
What do moms want on their special day? A day off, actually. That's what most mothers told pollsters when asked that question. A surprising 42 percent say they'd love to have time to read a book. (I have suggestions in the next item).
And since one of the goals of this newsletter is to arm you with amazing conversation starters so everyone will realize how brilliant you are, here are a handful of Mother's Day trivia items you can use to impress your friends:
Mother's Day is the busiest day of the year for restaurants.
More phone calls (about 122 million) are made on Mother's Day than any other day of the year.
Where did "Ma" come from? It's the first thing most babies can vocalize.
Woodrow Wilson signed Mother's Day into law in 1914.
The most popular gift for Mother's Day is the greeting card.
May is National Mystery Month. And what's the best way to celebrate? By reading a good mystery, of course. Need some help? Check out the award-winning Strange Files series, winners of Gold and Silver Medals from the Royal Palm Literary Awards and the Florida Authors and Publishers Association. Kirkus Reviews calls Strange Timing, the latest book in the series, "A highly entertaining romp through high strangeness." Find them here.
May 4 is Star Wars Day because of course it is. May the Fourth be with you, and all that. But here's something special about this year: It's the 25th anniversary of Star Wars: The Phantom Menace. And Lucasfilm has announced that select movie theaters around the country will be showing the entire Skywalker saga, 20-plus hours of film. This includes all nine episodic films in chronological order:
Star Wars: Attack of the Clones
Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith
Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back
Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker
Check your local theater listings for dates and times.
Bonus: Did you know that Obi-Wan Kenobi was from the planet Stewjon? Click here for more than a hundred bits of amazing Star Wars trivia.
The Kentucky Derby kicks off a busy month of sports starting on May 4. I checked out the Churchill Downs website and discovered there are still tickets available. $650 will get your a reserved seat in the stands. For $1,375 you can "indulge in exquisite dining" in the track's restaurant. Or for a mere $135,000 you can watch the race from your own private suite. Post time is 6:57 p.m. EDT.
The next event in horse racing's Triple Crown will be the Preakness Stakes, to be run in Baltimore on May 18.
(The official drink of the Kentucky Derby is the mint julep, which has it's own special day on May 30. Strange Fact: The first "julep cup" was awarded to a horse race winner in 1816.
(How do you make a mint julep? Here's the quick and dirty recipe: Mix equal parts sugar and water, blend in crushed mint leaves, then ruin a perfectly good glass of bourbon* by pouring this glop over your Maker's Mark.)
Other big-name sporting events this month include:
The PGA Championship May 16-19 at Valhalla Golf Club in Louisville.
The French Open tennis tournament May 20--June 9.
The Indianapolis 500, May 26.
The Women's College World Series May 30--June 7 in Oklahoma City.
Long-range sensors: The Paris Olympics are this summer. Keep up with Team USA trials here.
* About that Bourbon
The staff of the Strange Files Newsletter eschews hard spirits, but we acknowledge there are those with an affinity for Kentucky's finest export. If you are a bourbon drinker, then we recommend you check out Ray Marcano's Bourbon Resource. Ray is a former newspaper colleague and despite his misplaced loyalty to the New York Yankees, he really does know his stuff when it comes to rot gut.
May 5, of course, is Cinco de Mayo. On that day in 1862, Napoleon III was defeated by outmanned and outgunned Mexican troops at the Battle of Puebla. The date has been recognized ever since, especially in the United States, as a time to celebrate Mexican-American culture. Oddly, National Margarita Day isn't until February.
Dance Like a Chicken Day is May 14. What's this about? According to the never-wrong Encyclopedia Galactica, here's the answer:
"The day encourages people to dance like chickens, flapping their arms and strutting around (and) has been celebrated since the 1970s as an alternative to May Day" (which, definitely is NOT the first day of summer). "It's a fun day to express yourself by having fun and dancing to 'The Chicken Dance"'song, also known as the Birdie Song."
More May Dates
Lost Sock Memorial Day is May 9. Where do lost socks go? Detectives for Third Eye Investigators have been working this case for years, but so far they are clueless.
National Frog Jumping Day is May 13. It celebrates Mark Twain's short story entitled Jim Smiley and His Jumping Frog.
World Goth Day is celebrated on May 22. What's it about? It started in Great Britain as a joke between DJs Cruel Britannia and Martin Oldgoth. Despite rumors to the contrary, goths are not immortal. Although Dracula is. So is the Skunk Ape.
National Alligator Day is May 29. If you're an alligator, every day is Eat a Human Day if you don't watch your step in the Everglades.
Memorial Day is May 27, a day to honor the sacrifices of the men and women who died while serving in the U.S. military. It is a federal holiday and is always the last Monday in May.
May 1 -- Mother Goose Day*
May 2 -- National Day of Prayer
May 3 -- Press Freedom Day
May 4 -- Free Comic Book Day
May 5 -- National Cartoonist Day*
May 6 -- National Nurses Day
May 7 -- National Teachers Day
May 8 -- No Socks Day
May 9 -- National Sleepover Day
May 10 -- Military Spouses Day
May 11 -- Eat What You Want Day
May 12 -- Limerick Day
May 13 -- National Apple Pie Day
May 14 -- Dance Like a Chicken Day
May 15 -- Chocolate Chip Day
May 16 -- Endangered Species Day
May 17 -- Pack Rat Day
May 18 -- Armed Forces Day
May 19 -- Plant a Vegetable Garden Day
May 20 -- Amelia Earhart Day
May 21 -- Waiters and Waitresses Day
May 22 -- Biological Diversity Day
May 23 -- World Turtle Day
May 24 -- Don't Fry Friday
May 25 -- Tap Dance Day
May 26 -- Sally Ride Day
May 27 -- Sun Screen Day
May 28 -- Hamburger Day
May 29 -- World Otter Day
May 30 -- Mint Julep Day
May 31 -- Flip Flop Day
May 32 -- Cool as a Moose Egg Day
*About Mother Goose Day...and more
Here at the Strange Files Newsletter, May 1 is also Mother Goose and Grimm Day, a moment to celebrate the brilliant work of Pulitzer winning editorial cartoonist Mike Peters and his hilarious comic strip. Check it out at Grimmy.com.
You can also celebrate Mike and his fellow editorial cartoonists like Pulitzer winner Ben Sargent of the Texas Observer on May 5, National Cartoonists Day. I got to work with both of these guys during my newspaper career, and, yes, they are as funny and brilliant in real life as they are in their drawings. They make you laugh. And they make you think.
May is National Hamburger Month. And we've had fun with that in previous newsletters, including polling readers on their burger preferences. But the latest news on America's favorite food is less appetizing. According to recent scientific studies, the evidence continues to mount that junk food isn't good for our bodies.
And now we are learning it also is bad for our brains. New evidence has found that "feasting on a high-fat, sugary diet can lead to lasting memory impairments in rats fed those foods from a young age."
The lesson is clear: Please, do not feed your pet rats hamburgers. Complete details here thanks to the editors at Science Alert.
Favorite Quotes from Steven Wright
I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Thanks to loyal reader Karen Peterson for sharing these. Not familiar with Steven Wright? You should be. Check this out.
Shameless Advertisement
Great News
My latest novel, Strange Timing, is now out as an audiobook. Narrated by Nathan Agin (who also read the fifth book in the Strange Files series, Mister Manners, you can get your very own copy now on Audible. Check out the link below to order.
A Very Short Story
(In honor of Cool as a Moose Egg Day)
Why Earth Can't Have Visitors Anymore
By J.C. Bruce
The big mistake the aliens made was landing their spaceship in the Florida panhandle during deer season.
From low Earth orbit, the aliens' scanners detected familiar life-signs: herbivores like themselves grazing miles from any human settlements and their terrifying ape-like inhabitants.
The aliens required a quiet, out-of-the way location to complete their mission, and this seemed safe enough. So they descended.
***
From their camouflaged deer stand two miles from the rural hamlet of Festus, Horace Willard and his cousin Buck Taintly couldn't believe their eyes.
"Are those moose?" Horace blurted.
"What? A freaking flying saucer just lands and that's what you think is weird? Their livestock?"
"I don't think that's some animals, Buck. Thems the aliens. Who woulda guessed? Space moose."
"Are moose in season?"
"Dang if I know. We got deer permits. Look just like deer to me. Big deer. Funny antlers, though. Wonder if them's antennas. Don't matter, I want me one of them heads in my man cave."
"Now what? They taking a dump? Ain't never seen deer squat on their hind legs like that, you?"
"Check it out," Horace said handing Buck his spotter scope. "I don't think that's poop."
Buck squinted into the eyepiece and couldn't believe it. "Eggs!" he practically shouted. "The mooses. They laying eggs. They gotta be aliens for sure."
"Them eggs hatch," Horace said, "and space moose will overrun the planet. We gotta stop 'em. It's up to us, Buck. Let's go!"
***
Which is why nobody from outer space visits the Earth anymore.
Readers Write...
Dear J.C.
That story you just told about the space moose. Is that true? And what happened to the eggs? And why haven't we heard about this before? And is there really a town named Festus?
L. Boebert
Of course it's true. There really is a town named Festus. Florida has a lot of places with odd names including Fluffy Landing, Okahumpka, Possum Bluff, Spuds, Two Egg, Yeehaw Junction, and Disney. As for for the moose eggs, they were confiscated by federal agents, frozen (hence the expression "cool as a moose egg") and hidden in a secret vault beneath a Washington, D.C. pizza parlor. Horace and Buck were removed to a "safe and secure location" and the aliens' remains and their spaceship were taken to the top-secret facility at Wright Patterson Air Force Base in Dayton, Ohio.
Dear J.C.
If this is such a big secret and yet another example of a government conspiracy, how is it you know so much about it?
M. Gaetz
I'm a professional journalist. It's my job to know things. My source is a former member of the American armed services who goes by the code name "Dane." It was from him that I first heard the expression "cool as a moose egg" and I have been on a quest ever since to discover the phrase's origins.
Dear J.C.
You're a journalist but also a novelist, a writer of fiction. How are we supposed to know which is fact and which is fake news?
M.T. Greene
Hey, you don't see me claiming Jewish financiers are aiming space lasers at Earth igniting all those forest fires.
Enjoy this Newsletter?
I hope you enjoyed this edition of my free monthly newsletter. Share all your newfound knowledge with your friends. They will think you are amazing. And feel free to forward this email to everyone on your contacts list -- friends, enemies, space moose, whatever.
Got a Question or an Item For the Next Newsletter?
Send me a note by clicking this link.
And a big shout-out to Dorothy Drennen for her timely email after I distributed the April newsletter. She spotted a formatting mistake that I was able to quickly correct. Thanks so much!
Parting Shot
J.C. Bruce is a journalist and author of The Strange Files series of mysterious novels (available on Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Kobo, other online booksellers, and at selected libraries). He also writes this free monthly newsletter. He holds dual citizenship in the United States of America and Florida.
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