Unbearably, hunting season is almost here
ESSENTIAL NEWS. November 27, 2025. Florida Weekly
If you’re a bear in Florida, the odds of you living to ring in the new year are somewhat diminished now that hunting season is about to open on Dec. 6.
The Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission estimates there are approximately 4,051 black bears in the state, and that is approximately 172 too many.
How they go about that approximating involves complicated computational programming assisted by Al Gore Rhythms—the name of the band the estimator listened to while throwing darts at sticky notes on his office wall, each with a number ranging from 1 to 200.
Tough luck for the bears that the winning dart didn’t land on a smaller number.
Now, I don’t mean to make light of this. Serious people are deeply upset about restarting bear hunting in the state, and that allowing 172 to be killed is a travesty.
Oh, excuse me. We don’t call it a “killing.” We call it “harvesting.”
But will “harvesting” 172 bears really do anything meaningful to control the bear population? As if it needs controlling?
You are entitled to be doubtful.
Is it more likely that this is all about giving hunters something new and exciting for target practice? That sounds more likely.
Now, I realize other columnists here at “Florida Weekly” have waxed eloquently on this subject, one going so far as to suggest that if shooting helpless woodland critters were really sporting, hunters would venture unclothed into the wilderness armed only with Bowie knives.
Cue the banjo music.
But let’s be honest: A bunch of naked Florida Men roaming the countryside with knives might not be the best look for a state whose economy relies on family-friendly tourism. Can you imagine the reaction:
Little Susie: “Mommy, why is that man’s bottom showing?”
Mother: “He’s a hunter, honey.”
Dad: “Actually, he’s a harvester.”
Mother: “Must you?”
Little Susie: “Please, Mommy and Daddy, no more fighting. Can we just go buy a baby gator head like you promised?”
Or, instead of tromping into the woods chasing furry creatures, if hunters really wanted to be useful, they’d don their waders and splash into the Everglades and stalk some pythons.
I personally estimate—using my own darts—that there are over 2 million pythons in Florida right now. Worrying about a few bears is silly next to a real threat like that.
This Weekend
December 6. In addition to the opening of hunting season, today is National Gazpacho Day. It refers to the cold raw vegetable soup, not U.S. Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene’s 2022 reference to Nancy Pelosi’s “gazpacho police” spying on members of Congress. This happened shortly after discovering Jewish space lasers were starting forest fires.
December 7. National Pearl Harbor Day of Remembrance, honoring the lives lost on this “day that will live in infamy” in 1941, launching the United States into World War II. More than 2,400 Americans died in that sneak attack.
The Week Ahead
December 8. Pretend to be a Time Traveler Day. This is a great way to make new friends. Pick out a stranger at the mall, for instance, and walk up to them and say something like: “Hi, I’m from the year 2525, and man is still alive. My flux capacitor is out of fuel. Can I borrow some hydrogen from you?” You’ll be amazed at what happens.
December 9. Today is Christmas Card Day, honoring the invention of the Christmas card in 1843 by Henry Cole in England, who was sick and tired of writing individual letters to his friends. For this, he was knighted by Queen Victoria, who may (or may not) have been sick of writing Christmas letters too.
If you are among those sending cards this year, you can forward them through the town of Christmas, Florida, where they will be officially stamped by the Post Office as coming from “Christmas.”
December 10. Dewey Decimal System Day, honoring Melvil Dewey, the inventor of the library cataloging system. Why Americans have no problem using the Dewey Decimal System but can’t figure out the Metric System is a mystery.
December 11. Today is International Mountain Day. It was on this day 4.2 billion years ago that the first mountain was formed on Earth.
December 12. Don’t Be Gullible Day. I think this refers to my previous item.
J.C. Bruce is an award-winning journalist and author of the Strange Files series of mysterious adventures. He was recently named Best Humor Columnist by the Florida Press Association. Check out his website, jcbruce.com, for details on how to order copies of his books. Copyright, 2025, J.C.Bruce