We have a winner!

My Florida Weekly column has just won first place in the annual Florida Press Association contest

It has been nearly a year since I started writing the Essential News column for Florida Weekly, and I am pleased to announce that that effort has paid off.

At its annual meeting this past weekend, the Florida Press Association announced that the column won First Place in the organization’s annual journalism awards in the category of “Humorous Columns.”

Yes, they’ve given me award because people laugh at my work. Is this a great country, or what?

For your reading pleasure (I hope), here’s the winning entry from early November, 2024:

ESSENTIAL NEWS

Yay! It’s almost time to tie one on

With Thanksgiving just around the corner, it soon will be time for National Tie One On Day.

Yeah, I know what you’re thinking. Tie one on? This is an actual day in which you’re expected to go on a bender?

Well, no.

Don’t confuse Tie One On Day with happy hour.

The “tie” refers to apron strings and it’s all about providing a friend something to eat. It works like this:

Step 1. Bake something. This is just my opinion, but if you’re going to the trouble of messing up your kitchen by actually cooking in it, and if you plan to use your oven in that process, the ideal things to bake are chocolate chip cookies. I suppose there are other concoctions people bake, but if they don’t have chocolate in them, what’s the point?

Step 2. Wrap your chocolate chip cookies in an apron. Or perhaps I should say “remaining chocolate chip cookies” since you have to taste-test them, right?

Step 3. Take the cookies to a friend wrapped in an apron. To be clear, you don’t need to find a friend wrapped in an apron, it’s the cookies that are tied up in an apron, hence the name of the event.

Hey, don’t look at me like that. I didn’t invent this. And, no, I have no idea why an apron instead of a used Publix bag. I’m just the messenger.

Anyway, if you want to play, it’s something to do the day before Thanksgiving, Nov. 27.

Mark Your Calendar

Nov. 21 is the Great American Smokeout. With Thanksgiving coming up, you might be tempted to think this has something to do with smoking turkeys. I did, anyway. But it’s actually about encouraging people to quit smoking cigarettes. Smoking is still the leading cause of preventable deaths even though fewer than 12 percent of Americans still inhale coffin nails.

It’s also World Hello Day. The idea is to greet at least 10 people today, presumably in real life not online. Interesting bit of trivia: Using the word “hello” as a greeting was popularized by Fort Myers’ own Thomas Edison who urged its use when answering the newly invented telephone. The telephone’s actual inventor, Alexander Graham Bell, suggested “ahoy.” Edison’s idea won out.

Love Your Freckles Day is Nov. 22, which is just silly. That said, if you have an unusual looking freckle that seems to be growing, you might want to say hello to a dermatologist, skin cancer being one of the many side benefits of living in the Sunshine State.

Nov. 23 is Fibonacci Day, another one of those holidays only a nerd can love. It celebrates what mathematicians call the Fibonacci Sequence in which each number in a row is the sum of the two preceding numbers. Still with me? It works like this:

1+1=2. 1+2=3. 2+3=5. 3+5=8. So, the sequence would be 112358. Exciting, huh?

You can thank Leonardo Fibonacci for this amazing discovery. It was in the year 1202 and, evidently, he had a lot of time on his hands. Why is this celebrated on Nov. 23? Because when you write the date as 11/23 it forms the Fibonacci Sequence 1123.

All Our Uncles Are Monkeys Day is Nov. 24. It’s also known as Evolution Day. And no, humans are not descended from monkeys, but we have common ancestral roots. But that’s not special. Mice and humans share 97.5 percent of the same DNA. That banana you had for breakfast? It contained 60 percent of the same DNA as you.

Nov. 25 is the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women. It is sponsored by the United Nations, which notes that “violence against women and girls remains one of the most prevalent and pervasive human rights violations in the world.” Globally, 736 million women have been subjected to physical—including sexual—violence.

Nov. 26 is the day in 1863 that Abraham Lincoln proclaimed Thanksgiving as a national holiday. But it wasn’t until 1942 that Congress established a permanent date—the fourth Thursday in November.

All of which is noteworthy. However, the big event on this day took place in 1939 when the “Queen of Rock ‘n’ Roll,” Tina Turner, was born. Singer, songwriter and actress, she once said, “I think I’m as famous for my legs as much as my voice.” She insured them for $3.2 million.

J.C. Bruce is a journalist and author of The Strange Files series of mysteries featuring Alexander Strange, America’s only reporter covering news of the weird as his full-time beat. He holds dual citizenship in the United States of America and Florida. You can read more about his scribbling at JCBruce.com or write him at JCB@JCBruce.com