ASK THE BIRD: The idea of Cubans bombing Key West will make your blood pressure spike

Got a question? Ask Miss Mingo. She's got answers, some of which she's actually researched. Some not. She writes every Saturday for Tropic Press.

Editor’s Note: We take a break from hard news every Saturday morning to let Hermina Hermelinda Obregon, a.k.a. Miss Mingo, share her insights with readers. She’s a recovering newspaper reporter living in a bungalow off Duval Street in Key West, where she answers the pressing questions of the day about life, the news, and the best happy hour prices. If we get enough paid subscribers, we may actually start reimbursing her for her efforts.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

I read somewhere, maybe on Tropic Press, that you were under the weather last week, and that you were having panic attacks or something about Cuba bombing Key West. You OK?

Worried in Winter Garden

Dear Worried:

It’s true. I had to get my blood pressure medication adjusted, and was out for a few days. Back in action. Although my doctor tells me that Cuba Libres and my meds may not mix too well, so I’m debating whether those meds are really worth it.

And, yes, a contributing factor to my rising anxiety is all of Donald Trump’s rhetoric about Cuba. I’m not worried about the Cubans flying drones to bomb Key West just out of a clear blue Caribbean sky. That’s ridiculous. They may be Communists, but they’re not stupid—unlike some other governmental leaders I could name.

But if Trump gets desperate for a new distraction to keep us from thinking about the Epstein Files, or his ballroom, or that outrageous $1.8 billion slush fund he and his stooge, Todd Blanche, cooked up, well, yeah, who knows what might happen?

It definitely got my feathers ruffled.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

I heard a rumor that a short governor in Florida has requested a law requiring all men’s restroom urinals be the little boy height. I’m guessing it’s so he doesn’t have to wear high heels in public all the time?

Fast Charlie

Dear Fast:

Isn’t it just terrible how people engage in height shaming? We should make it a hate crime, but, of course, that would never happen in Florida, not even for DeSantis, because, you know, it would amount to cancel culture, the same excuse the Legislature uses for not repealing our state holidays for Robert E. Lee, Jefferson Davis, and the Confederacy.

Now, I don’t know how tall DeSantis is or isn’t, although I am aware that some so-called boot experts say he must be wearing lifts. Here’s my question: Since, being a lady, I’ve never actually used a men’s urinal, I would imagine there could be balance issues wearing high heels?

Try it sometime and let me know.

DEAR MISS MINGO

Great article in Tropic Press on hurricane season. Little Marco made the list (of hurricane names) this year! I do have a question. The Gulf Stream is getting weaker and is forecast to collapse in the near future. Do you think that may influence the storms we may get in the future? Thanks.

Janet

Dear Janet:

That’s actually a serious question, and I appreciate it. In fact, it should be a major news story.

Here’s what I found during a quick search on the never-wrong internet:

Yes, a collapsing Gulf Stream would significantly impact Atlantic hurricanes by creating a “clot” of stagnant, intensely warm water in the tropical Atlantic and Gulf of Mexico, fueling more powerful and rapidly intensifying storms.

Because the Gulf Stream is a core component of the Atlantic Meridional Overturning Circulation (AMOC), its collapse would stop the normal northward transport of tropical heat toward Europe.

Which strikes me as a strong argument for Florida’s political leaders to take climate change more seriously than they have. If any state in the nation has a vested interest in reversing global warming, it would be ours.

What is wrong with these people with their heads in the sand?

DEAR MISS MINGO:

Is that why your blood pressure spikes? The way you get so worked up about little things like climate change?

Doctor in Deland

Dear Doctor:

You’re asking me? You’re the doctor. Actually, it runs in the family. Everyone one of us Mingos seems to suffer from it.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

What are you talking about? It says right here in your column that your last name is Obregon, not Mingo. Are you trying to trick us into thinking you’re a real flamingo?

Skeptical in Sarasota

Dear Skeptical:

I love how you assume I’m real at all. Charming. Wouldn’t you be surprised if I told you that I’m just an imaginary friend of a powerful AI intent on world domination?

Just kidding. (Or am I?)

That should probably be my last Cuba Libre of the night.

---

Got a question for Miss Mingo? About life, the news, or clever ways to avoid paying bar tabs? Write to her at MissMingo@Tropic.Press

Hermina Hermelinda Obregon—a.k.a. Miss Mingo—was an award-winning newspaper reporter before she involuntarily joined the diaspora of journalists leaving the newspaper profession. She now lives with her two cats—Deadline and Dateline—and her pet iguana Skippy. If you wander the streets (and bars) of Key West, you’ll doubtless run into her. She’ll be the woman wearing the ridiculous flamingo hat. If you want an autograph, you’ll have to buy her a Cuba Libre. There’s more about her here.

And now, some shameless advertising…

The official Tropic Press Store is now open and ready for business. You can order your very own Miss Mingo merch online. All sales are final. Check out the store here:

---

This is how we make a difference

There are 140 Florida House and Senate seats up for grabs in the midterm elections, and Democrats have been recruited from all over the state to step up and run against the Republican supermajority that dominates state government. These candidates need our help. Specifically, each of them is facing a June 12 deadline to pay their qualifying fees to get on the ballot. You can make a difference by pitching in. Here’s where to do it: