ASK THE BIRD: Would Donald Trump like my kid's soccer trophy since he can't seem to win the Peace Prize?

Got a question? Ask Miss Mingo. She's got answers. Some may even be true. She writes every Saturday for Tropic Press.

Editor’s Note: We take a break from hard news every Saturday morning to let Hermina Hermelinda Obregon, a.k.a. Miss Mingo, share her insights with readers. She’s a recovering newspaper reporter living in a bungalow off Duval Street in Key West, where she answers the pressing questions of the day about life, the news, and the best happy hour prices. You can support her bar tab by becoming a paid subscriber.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

I was struck by a Tropic Press meme depicting the Trump Trophy Drop-Off Center. It occurred to me that, in fact, it might be a useful protest if people would dig out trophies, medals, or other “awards” that are simply gathering dust or are hidden away in a closet and mail them to Mr. Trump. Would there be a problem with that?

Sincerely,

William

Dear William:

I have shortened your question and withheld your last name lest the White House sic its goons upon you.

You were, of course, referring to this meme that made fun of Trump’s sick obsession with the Nobel Peace Prize and how he covets it.

He’s also infamous for harvesting trophies at his various golf clubs by sweeping all the in-house tournaments, and how he once decorated those clubs with fake Time magazines with his mug plastered on the covers. Like this:

If you think about it, it’s surprising he had room for all those classified documents he hid in his ballroom and bathroom at Mar-a-Lago, what with the storage demands for his many fabulous trophies.

I can’t even imagine how he would have had room for the Nobel Peace Prize even if he had done anything worthy of the honor.

But back to your question: Would he like your kid’s soccer trophy, too? You bet.

Should you organize some kind of protest centered around encouraging people to pack the White House mailroom with this junk?

Let me be clear in my answer to this question: First off, I am not an attorney. Were I a lawyer, I’d be busy writing unintelligible briefs in Century Schoolbook font, not these lucid and illuminating examples of American journalism at its finest.

But I believe that any officer of the court would advise you against doing this.

My cursory reading of the law as regards to what may or may not be mailed to the President of the United States is that it is a very quick way to get into trouble, especially if the mailed items could be in even the slightest way be deemed a threat.

Moreover, any effort designed to disrupt the delivery of mail to any government building, including the White House, could be a crime.

So, no, my advice is to drop it.

And remember, ICE agents are out there right now filming protestors and anyone with a cell phone taking their pictures. They’re building a database of possible “domestic terrorists.” This is no time to land on that list with (admittedly a funny and very clever) prank.

On the other hand, were you to set up a trophy collection center apart from the White House—say, somewhere in Palm Beach County, Florida—and invite people to contribute their old trophies for reuse by the very needy, I don’t see what harm there would be in that.

Might be fun to stake it out and see if a certain public official showed up in disguise to scoop them up and run off with them.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

Trump has gained enough weight to make him technically transformed, so I think, re your column last week, that he should have his own Transformer name. I liked the ones you suggested, but I have another suggestion:

MAGAdon.

Respectfully,

Joan in Jacksonville

Dear Joan:

OK, I think we have a winner. Thank you.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

I see that Gov. Ron DeSantis is having some trouble with disgruntled troops in his private Florida Guard army. Which I think begs the question: Why does the governor need his own private goons?

Curious in Clewiston

Dear Curious:

It’s just one of those trendy things. Trump got his private storm troopers, also known as ICE, and now other Republicans are jealous.

Think of it like a lot of other passing fads, you know, like goldfish swallowing, Volkswagen stuffing, and white go-go boots.

Got a question for Miss Mingo? About life, the news, or clever ways to avoid paying bar tabs? Write to her at MissMingo@Tropic.Press

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Hermina Hermelinda Obregon—a.k.a. Miss Mingo—was an award-winning newspaper reporter before she involuntarily joined the diaspora of journalists leaving the newspaper profession. She now lives with her two cats—Deadline and Dateline—and her pet iguana Skippy. If you wander the streets (and bars) of Key West, you’ll doubtless run into her. She’ll be the woman wearing the ridiculous flamingo hat. If you want an autograph, you’ll have to buy her a Cuba Libre. There’s more about her here.

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