ASK THE BIRD: Would I eat Sally's Shrimp? Only if she offered it to me

Got a question? Ask Miss Mingo. She's got answers, some of which she's actually researched. She writes every Saturday for Tropic Press.

Editor’s Note: We take a break from hard news every Saturday morning to let Hermina Hermelinda Obregon, a.k.a. Miss Mingo, share her insights with readers. She’s a recovering newspaper reporter living in a bungalow off Duval Street in Key West, where she answers the pressing questions of the day about life, the news, and the best happy hour prices. If we get enough paid subscribers, we may actually start reimbursing her for her efforts.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

You seem like a fun little pink bird. But is your diet mainly comprised of little sally shrimp?

Wasting Away in Palm Beach

Dear Wasting:

In just a few words, you raise several points that I should address.

Now, to be clear, just because the editors at Tropic Press think it’s soooo funny to draw a cartoon of a flamingo to run with each of these columns does not mean that I, myself, am actually a pink bird.

And just because my nickname is Miss Mingo, does not mean that I have pink feathers and eat shrimp.

Well, actually, I do eat shrimp (mostly for the cocktail sauce), and because I try very hard to stay out of the sun, I suppose my sensitive skin is slightly pinkish. But that’s just a coincidence. I do have lots and lots of pink things because I am kinda nuts about flamingos (hence the nickname), and I do have a feather boa—but let me emphasize that having a feathered boa is not the same thing as having feathers.

(I should hasten to add that my boa does not have REAL flamingo feathers. The very idea!)

And flamingos can’t type. They do talk a lot, though. Mostly it comes out as honks, double-honks, and sometimes growls and grunts and whistles. They’re very chatty with one another. But I dare say none have ever successfully used a keyboard.

Now, to this business of “sally shrimp.” You sent me to the internet with that one. I discovered there’s such a thing as Sally’s Frozen Fish Food, made up of shrimp and it is used in aquariums. Is that what you were referring to?

For the record, I do not live in an aquarium. Although I will say that since starting this column it has been a little more challenging to maintain my privacy, and at times does feel like living in a fishbowl.

Interestingly, I also discovered there’s an online slot machine game entitled Super Sally’s Shrimp Mania—again, something I had never heard of until now. So, thanks for broadening my horizons.

DEAR MISS MINGO:

How much does the choice of words in day-to-day use engender and emphasize tension? For instance, suppose our lawyers and politicians “work” instead of “fighting” for us. And politicians instead of demanding “deals” seek “agreements.” Less confrontation, more empathy and understanding.

William E “Bill” Thompson

Apopka

Dear Bill:

The editors slipped this comment of yours to me thinking that I could use it as a jumping off point for a discussion of manners in this column. But my name is Miss Mingo, not Miss Manners. For the record, though, I totally share your point. Our culture has become pointlessly combative. My own personal conspiracy theory is that this is no accident. It’s by design to divide us and keep us distracted bickering with one another while our pockets are getting picked by the One Percenters.

DEAR MISS MINGO

I‘m having a hard time trying to understand why the issue of tax immunity is not being focused on with more intensity. Attorney General (interim) Todd Blanche issued a blanket immunity for tax audits with no more authority than the stroke of his pen (unless he used an autopen to be sure his fingerprints were not left on the document).

See of all the bruhaha about the $10 billion lawsuit of Trump against the IRS and the $1.776 billion (what’s the irony in that amount), the biggest insult to the nation was the immunity letter. The brief letter filling less than half a page, dismisses Trump, personally, the members of his family, and his business enterprises from IRS enforcement for the past and forever in the future.

Given the wording in the letter, not only would audits be a thing of the past – notwithstanding a law that requires that the tax returns of the president and the vice president must be audited and the contents released to the public.

Blanche, Trump’s former personal attorney, managed to discharge all of those parties from ever having to perform any of those bothersome activities like filing tax returns or for that matter paying any taxes at all. If the individuals and entities cannot be audited thus the tax laws enforced, then how can the IRS enforce failure to file and non-payment of taxes? Can you imagine how much they will save it tax preparation costs alone on top of not paying in taxes?

Pity all of the accounts and tax attorneys that will not have the work of that group. Why the costs and nuisance of filing on all of the schemes and scams of the family businesses doubtless adds up to multi-millions.

Just seems to me like the ultimate "get out of jail” card. Yet there has been little said, even but whether Blache has the authority to discharge this clients from compliance with the law.

I know, I’m just an old crank who has been bothered to have to abide by these pesky tax requirements for seven decades and never got a freebee like this.

William E. “Bill” Thompson

Dear Bill:

You again! But, hey, great letter, and your points are spot on.

Here’s the thing: This “Get Out of Jail Free” card could only have any legitimacy if it were part of an actual settlement of a lawsuit.

Federal Judge Kathleeen Williams has called into question whether the suit was ever legit since it was, essentially, Trump suing himself.

If this isn’t a conspiracy to defraud the government, I don’t know what is, and I can’t imagine this holding up.

Just because Trump has a flunky who signs a ridiculous agreement does not in and of itself give it the force of law (so I say with all my years of legal training, which equal zero). Still, it obviously ain’t right, and I will be shocked—shocked, I tell you— if it isn’t thrown out.

Thanks for bringing it to our attention and for your thoughtful analysis. The longer the letters are from readers like you, the less I have to actually write, which allows me more time to focus on my continued efforts to ring up bar tabs at every saloon in Key West.

Cheers.

Got a question for Miss Mingo? About life, the news, or clever ways to avoid paying bar tabs? Write to her at MissMingo@Tropic.Press

Hermina Hermelinda Obregon—a.k.a. Miss Mingo—was an award-winning newspaper reporter before she involuntarily joined the diaspora of journalists leaving the newspaper profession. She now lives with her two cats—Deadline and Dateline—and her pet iguana Skippy. If you wander the streets (and bars) of Key West, you’ll doubtless run into her. She’ll be the woman wearing the ridiculous flamingo hat. If you want an autograph, you’ll have to buy her a Cuba Libre. There’s more about her here.

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