Editor’s Note: Every Saturday morning, we take a break from hard news to let Hermina Hermelinda Obregon, a.k.a. Miss Mingo, share her insights with readers. She’s a recovering newspaper reporter living in a bungalow off Duval Street in Key West. At least that’s what her official biography says, if you can believe that. She answers the day’s pressing questions about life, the news, and the best happy hour prices.
DEAR MISS MINGO:
Is it true that Tommy Tuberville took to the floor of the U.S. Senate this week to warn Americans that it could be dangerous flying on commercial aircraft because airline pilots, flight attendants, and air traffic controllers all dress up as furries and are part of the furry cult? Really? This isn’t something from The Onion, this is real?
Disbelieving in Dade City
Dear Disbelieving:
Believe.
He actually did that. Now bear in mind that Sen. Tuberville is widely regarded as the dumbest human being ever to serve in Congress—and, let’s face it, that’s really saying something.
He said, “When you walk onto a commercial flight, it’s possible that the pilot flying your plane could have a deranged fetish of dressing up like an animal,” which is “terrifying,” and that “many” aviation workers do so.
How does he know this? Maybe Donald Trump told him; I don’t know.
But I do take it personally, on two levels:
The assertion that someone who has adopted an animal “fursona” is incompetent or dangerous is offensive. I don’t actually dress up as a flamingo, but I am, obviously, closely identified with the magnificent creature.
Why just furries? What about us “featheries”? Or “lizardies”? I just hate discrimination in any form.
But if we are going to discuss threats to our great nation, I hardly think someone who thinks it’s fun to put on a dog costume or whatever is the gravest concern we face. But maybe I’m biased.
So, what do you think?
DEAR MISS MINGO:
Republicans like Donald Trump yammer all the time about the evils of the so-called liberal “cancel culture,” you know, exiling people who aren’t woke enough and all that. So how is it any different when he bans CNN, MS NOW, and Politico from the press pool because his feelings were hurt when they wrote and broadcast stories not to his liking? Isn’t that a little hypocritical?
Annoyed in Apalachicola
Dear Annoyed:
You think you’re annoyed! Imagine how those reporters and videographers feel.
To be fair, Trump isn’t the first mentally unbalanced president to have it in for the press. Remember, Richard Nixon had reporters on his Enemies List and he wiretapped their phones, too.
Some unstable people have extreme control issues. Trump, clearly, has a cloying need to be seen as infallible, which is crazy, of course, and his skin is so thin as to be transparent. So, yeah, he just hates the press and has adopted the Nixonian “Enemies of the People” nickname for journalists in general.
Said another way, he’s a weenie. Remember what Harry Truman said about presidents needing to be tough? “If you can’t stand the heat, get out of the kitchen.”
And, yes, the irony coming from a Republican isn’t lost on anyone willing to think about it objectively.
DEAR MS. MINGO:
So, you’re sooo politically correct, how come you’re not Ms. Mingo instead of Miss Mingo?
Snarky in Sarasota
Dear Snarky:
I didn’t give myself that nickname, but I don’t object. Ms. or Miss are personal choices, and calling someone “Miss” is not necessarily disrespectful. So what’s your pronoun?
Oh, and I have a colleague here at Tropic Press, Alexander Strange, who lives on a dilapidated fishing trawler in a boatyard in Goodland. It’s named the Miss Demeanor. I love the pun.
DEAR MISS MINGO:
I hear vote-by-mail ballots are now being sent out to people who requested them. Are they safe? Do you vote by mail?
Curious in Crestview
Dear Curious:
Yep. Me and Donald Trump. We both vote by mail.
DEAR MISS MINGO:
Wait! Trump votes by mail? Didn’t he just spend most of this year yammering about voter fraud and trying to get the post office to approve mail-in ballots, only to be shot down by the Supreme Court?
Stunned in Sebring
Dear Stunned:
You may recall earlier in this missive we were talking about hypocrisy. This would be Exhibit A.
Got a question for Miss Mingo? About life, the news, or clever ways to avoid paying bar tabs? Write to her at MissMingo@Tropic.Press
Want to know more about Miss Mingo? How she got her start? And whether she really lives with two cats—Deadline and Dateline—and a pet iguana named Skippy? You can find her official biography, such as it is, here. If you’re bar hopping on Duval Street in Key West and spot an intriguing woman in a pink hat that you suspect might be Miss Mingo, you can always offer to buy her a Cuba Libre. Will it actually be her? Is there an actual her? Life’s a mystery.
And now, some shameless advertising…
The official Tropic Press Store is now open and ready for business. You can order your very own Miss Mingo merch online. All sales are final. Check out the store here:
Editor’s Note:
Congratulations to Miss Mingo, who recently won the Florida Society of Professional Journalists’ Sunshine State Award for Best Blog and Newsletter.
You can support her work by subscribing to the Tropic Press newsletter (and, honestly, we need the help if you choose to become a paid subscriber, because her bar tab is killing us).
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I always look forward to our Saturday morning missives.
Thank you for keeping on ...........
Tommy the Brain Wreck is more likely to have fur instead of gray matter as a brain. Maybe he was confusing a Disney ride with an airplane ride. He thinks Mickey, Minnie Goofy and Donald are pilots and flight attendants... I think Tommy's wife puts hallucinogens into his morning bowl of Furrios... He is a remarkable example of the Alabamian stereotype though, and likely its next governor.... How did so many become so unbelievably stupid?